One of my dearest friends who lives way too far away just called. Between her job, boyfriend, kids and ex, she's constantly pulled in a zillion directions. So hard she's about to break. Then her phone won't dial. She didn't want advice; she just needed someone to listen.
The same thing happened over drinks the other night. A friend had a particularly rough breakup recently. Now his ex-girlfriend is playing the blame game with him. It brings him down and he can't avoid her since they're neighbors (Top reason for not dating neighbors!). He didn't expect me to have answers, he just wanted an ear.
My ex-husband was so addicted to news commentary TV shows that any conversations we had at night were limited to the length of the two-to-three minute commercial break. If I said something, it turned into drama. He would punch the remote pause button, get in my face and say, "okay, let's talk." "Uhm, never mind," was my typical response. Who wants to talk in that scenario? This is one of many reasons I'm a single girl now.
Life is so fast now it's difficult for many people to spend quality time with friends. Then when it does happen, some people do two or three things at once. Others yack on about themselves and forget they sometimes just need to stop and listen.
If we were better friends, would people cut back on their drinking, be less likely to cheat on their partners and have less casual sex? Maybe an intimate conversation would help fill the emptiness they're trying to fill with booze, lovers and hook-ups. Perhaps they just need someone to listen.
Next time you're with a friend, ask them how they're really doing or how their day was. Better yet, call them up and ask them to meet you for a Starbucks, lunch or a drink. Then shut up and listen. While you're at it, give them a big hug.
Love to the single girls (and boys too),
Addison
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