I'm not sure why it feels different when I go home now that I'm single again. I spent the Easter weekend at my childhood home with my parents and my sister and her family.
My mom's never been shy about sharing her opinions and telling me what to do. While I was married, we had an unspoken agreement that she'd curb the controlling behavior - a little at least.
Since I don't have a husband now, she acts like I must certainly need someone to step in and think for me. No, I could never think for myself. There are little things she says I just let roll off like telling me how to put dishes in the dishwasher and reminding me to wear a jacket because it's cold outside. But now I can't make political decisions on my own so I need my ex back in my life to help.
This crossed the line, and I snapped. I recall shaking my finger at her and yelling something about the hell he put me through. It rattled her. I don't think she'll say that again any time soon. In her defense, she doesn't know the bad stuff apart from the bits she saw.
I still wonder if she truly does treat me differently now or do I imagine it. It's probably a little of both, or maybe she's always been this way but I ignored it more then. Can single people think or does it take a couple to complete a thought?
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Alchohol & Dreams
Last night I confirmed something I've known for a long time. Alcohol and dreams don't mix.
A group of us showed up at a bar to cheer our friend on. He was competing for a trip to NYC and a record contract sponsored by a big beverage company. He qualified for the finals by getting the best audience reaction. Yeah, his friends show up and are loud.
This is a guy trying to make a living in music. He's ready to pack up and move to LA this summer to make a go of it. He has that fire in him. And he can since he's single. Nothing holding him back. It's his dream.
He and his competitor started out by alternating songs, and my friend did a good job. He performed like he usually does and we screamed like we were supposed to until the guys took a break.
My friend disappeared outside for a smoke or two or something. Then his competitor took the stage. The other guy did okay singing some popish songs. He thought the girls in the crowd would melt with a Justin Bieber song. Hel-lo, we're in a bar, which means we're not sixteen. I know there's a ton of vocal talent in this city not represented in this event.
Then our friend took the stage. He found the stage and his guitar, but forget finding the right pitch. He was all over the place. Clearly his "friends" had showered him with shots and drowned any ability to find a note.
This time the judges didn't base their decision on crowd reaction. It was on the performance and the artist's skill and ability. Our friend crashed and burned. It was bad.
He had to have known he wouldn't win drunk. A winner doesn't slur or miss notes or almost bring down the mic stand with him during a performance
But why? He definitely held himself back. Is he afraid to succeed? If not then what?
Love to the single girls,
Addison
A group of us showed up at a bar to cheer our friend on. He was competing for a trip to NYC and a record contract sponsored by a big beverage company. He qualified for the finals by getting the best audience reaction. Yeah, his friends show up and are loud.
This is a guy trying to make a living in music. He's ready to pack up and move to LA this summer to make a go of it. He has that fire in him. And he can since he's single. Nothing holding him back. It's his dream.
He and his competitor started out by alternating songs, and my friend did a good job. He performed like he usually does and we screamed like we were supposed to until the guys took a break.
My friend disappeared outside for a smoke or two or something. Then his competitor took the stage. The other guy did okay singing some popish songs. He thought the girls in the crowd would melt with a Justin Bieber song. Hel-lo, we're in a bar, which means we're not sixteen. I know there's a ton of vocal talent in this city not represented in this event.
Then our friend took the stage. He found the stage and his guitar, but forget finding the right pitch. He was all over the place. Clearly his "friends" had showered him with shots and drowned any ability to find a note.
This time the judges didn't base their decision on crowd reaction. It was on the performance and the artist's skill and ability. Our friend crashed and burned. It was bad.
He had to have known he wouldn't win drunk. A winner doesn't slur or miss notes or almost bring down the mic stand with him during a performance
But why? He definitely held himself back. Is he afraid to succeed? If not then what?
Love to the single girls,
Addison
I still don't get it
Last night I saw a woman who had been a fun friend to hang out with for a couple of months last summer. She was funny, pretty and loved to hang out and drink. I needed that after the bad marriage and tough moving experience.
Then I got to know her.
The funny, pretty persona is just on the surface. Underneath, she's trouble. She's a woman with no moral foundation. She lied constantly about her job, where she was last night and just about everything else. She was emotionally abusive and stole from my good friend. And she went crazy over something I supposedly did. That was eight months ago and I still don't know what I did - or didn't do - and I don't really care.
She and her husband have been separated for about a year now. I'm sure they're still married because she'd be deported if they were divorced. One reason their marriage failed was because there were too many men in her life - and in her. She's had live-in relationships at least six men in the last year (including her husband) and been pregnant by three of them (that I know of). With all of the options, I guess she still hasn't figured out birth control.
Her current boyfriend and baby daddy (as far as I know) manages the bar where I went with a group of people to hear a friend sing last night. I'm not sure what she does there but stand around and drink sodas. Lots of people knew she was pregnant even though there was no visible baby bump in her tight black skirt.
Because of her actions over the last year, she's left the hearts of both boyfriends and friends broken all over the place. She's deleted from my life and, even though we said hello, I didn't feel comfortable being in the same room with her.
I looked at them together last night and just didn't get it. They're an unlikely couple. He's posting sonograms to Facebook, so I hope she has this baby and doesn't break his heart with another abortion.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Then I got to know her.
The funny, pretty persona is just on the surface. Underneath, she's trouble. She's a woman with no moral foundation. She lied constantly about her job, where she was last night and just about everything else. She was emotionally abusive and stole from my good friend. And she went crazy over something I supposedly did. That was eight months ago and I still don't know what I did - or didn't do - and I don't really care.
She and her husband have been separated for about a year now. I'm sure they're still married because she'd be deported if they were divorced. One reason their marriage failed was because there were too many men in her life - and in her. She's had live-in relationships at least six men in the last year (including her husband) and been pregnant by three of them (that I know of). With all of the options, I guess she still hasn't figured out birth control.
Her current boyfriend and baby daddy (as far as I know) manages the bar where I went with a group of people to hear a friend sing last night. I'm not sure what she does there but stand around and drink sodas. Lots of people knew she was pregnant even though there was no visible baby bump in her tight black skirt.
Because of her actions over the last year, she's left the hearts of both boyfriends and friends broken all over the place. She's deleted from my life and, even though we said hello, I didn't feel comfortable being in the same room with her.
I looked at them together last night and just didn't get it. They're an unlikely couple. He's posting sonograms to Facebook, so I hope she has this baby and doesn't break his heart with another abortion.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Make it happen
One of my friends has been dating the same guy for going on a year now. Lately the relationship has been a little rocky.
One of the problems has been about sex; rather lack of it. What couple who's only been in a relationship for eight months and lives within five miles of each other only has sex three times in February? She told me they hadn't been intimate at all this month, and it was past mid-month when we had this conversation.
"If you want something, you have to make it happen," I told her.
"I can't," she said. "I'm too fat. I'm afraid he doesn't want me."
"If he thought you were too fat, you probably wouldn't be dating," I said. "How do you know he's not thinking you don't want him?"
She didn't.
The scenario was perfect. He had been out of town for his grandmother's funeral.
"When he comes home tomorrow, doll up in something that makes you feel as pretty as you are," I said. "Then just do it. Attack him so he has no choice."
A couple of days later, I texted her. "Did you have a happy homecoming?"
She did.
It's sometimes hard to keep your confidence up when you're single and don't have that partner at home to build you up. And not every girl in a relationship has a partner who communicates well and believes in you. If you do, you're one of the lucky ones.
I hope to have that someday.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
One of the problems has been about sex; rather lack of it. What couple who's only been in a relationship for eight months and lives within five miles of each other only has sex three times in February? She told me they hadn't been intimate at all this month, and it was past mid-month when we had this conversation.
"If you want something, you have to make it happen," I told her.
"I can't," she said. "I'm too fat. I'm afraid he doesn't want me."
"If he thought you were too fat, you probably wouldn't be dating," I said. "How do you know he's not thinking you don't want him?"
She didn't.
The scenario was perfect. He had been out of town for his grandmother's funeral.
"When he comes home tomorrow, doll up in something that makes you feel as pretty as you are," I said. "Then just do it. Attack him so he has no choice."
A couple of days later, I texted her. "Did you have a happy homecoming?"
She did.
It's sometimes hard to keep your confidence up when you're single and don't have that partner at home to build you up. And not every girl in a relationship has a partner who communicates well and believes in you. If you do, you're one of the lucky ones.
I hope to have that someday.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, March 25, 2013
How far is too far
Men are getting bolder, but I'm not sure it's a good thing.
Saturday night a band was playing at the pub and a man I've known for months asked me to dance. The band was playing good songs, so I did. But the guy got really close and touchy. It made me uncomfortable.
About halfway through the song I leaned over toward my friend, who was standing close by, "I need a cigarette."
He nodded. "Me too."
I slipped out of my dance partner's grip hoping it was just the alcohol. We never had a cigarette but it worked.
This isn't the only example. My good friend got a text from a guy she knows the other day. It took him four screens to say it, but he wants to fuck her. He has a girlfriend and knows she has a boyfriend, but he didn't care. They're friends. That's all. They've never have been any more and likely never will. It put her in a really awkward spot. Why did he do that?
A man who's married with two young kids is stalking another friend. And he tries to reach her through me. I won't do it and she doesn't respond to his attempts to contact her to find out what conferences she's traveling to. Perhaps he wants to get writing tips from her? And a guy I went out with years ago still tries to get with me. He did when I was married, too. I was a little flattered then, but now it just annoys me. He's also married with kids. I don't know if these marriages happy, but I do know both of these guys talk about what good Christians they are.
All of these men just want sex, and I believe these men are selfish and have little respect for women. No matter the outcome, the girl doesn't win. I love sex, but these situations only mean trouble.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Saturday night a band was playing at the pub and a man I've known for months asked me to dance. The band was playing good songs, so I did. But the guy got really close and touchy. It made me uncomfortable.
About halfway through the song I leaned over toward my friend, who was standing close by, "I need a cigarette."
He nodded. "Me too."
I slipped out of my dance partner's grip hoping it was just the alcohol. We never had a cigarette but it worked.
This isn't the only example. My good friend got a text from a guy she knows the other day. It took him four screens to say it, but he wants to fuck her. He has a girlfriend and knows she has a boyfriend, but he didn't care. They're friends. That's all. They've never have been any more and likely never will. It put her in a really awkward spot. Why did he do that?
A man who's married with two young kids is stalking another friend. And he tries to reach her through me. I won't do it and she doesn't respond to his attempts to contact her to find out what conferences she's traveling to. Perhaps he wants to get writing tips from her? And a guy I went out with years ago still tries to get with me. He did when I was married, too. I was a little flattered then, but now it just annoys me. He's also married with kids. I don't know if these marriages happy, but I do know both of these guys talk about what good Christians they are.
All of these men just want sex, and I believe these men are selfish and have little respect for women. No matter the outcome, the girl doesn't win. I love sex, but these situations only mean trouble.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Space
A little over a week ago, a friend lost his dad. He had a chronic condition, but it wasn't dire yet. He didn't expect to lose him so fast. He was his dad's caregiver, so my friend's life will never be the same.
What struck me was watching what happened last night. I went by the pub down the street after the birthday party, My friend deejays there and working seems to keep his mind off of being sad. I had left a card for him the night before, so he hugged and thanked me. Then he told me about the poor care the hospital where his dad passed provided. He thinks the hospital may be partially to blame for his dad's death. While he was telling me this, my friend was strong. Confident. Determined.
By the end of the night, he was a mess. The friend who went with me to the birthday party and I looked up and saw him sobbing. One of the pub's regular drunk women had her arms around him. His arms were folded in front of him with no acknowledgment of her.
I couldn't watch this scene continue, so I interrupted. "Would you like a cigarette?"
"Yes," he answered and broke away from her embrace. Even though he doesn't know the cigarette save code word, he seemed to get it.
Then I had to figure out where to get a cigarette for him since I don't smoke.
Not one minute later, the woman came back and was all over him again.
"He needs space," I said to her.
"No he doesn't." She turned around and snapped. "He asked for me." By now, two other drunk regulars swooped in like vultures on roadkill. They know he's a single guy who probably doesn't want to go home to an empty place.
I looked on from a distance but didn't intervene. I was tired and I had a chilly walk home ahead. This time, he's on his own. I thought about him today and hoped he made it through the night okay or at least happier.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
What struck me was watching what happened last night. I went by the pub down the street after the birthday party, My friend deejays there and working seems to keep his mind off of being sad. I had left a card for him the night before, so he hugged and thanked me. Then he told me about the poor care the hospital where his dad passed provided. He thinks the hospital may be partially to blame for his dad's death. While he was telling me this, my friend was strong. Confident. Determined.
By the end of the night, he was a mess. The friend who went with me to the birthday party and I looked up and saw him sobbing. One of the pub's regular drunk women had her arms around him. His arms were folded in front of him with no acknowledgment of her.
I couldn't watch this scene continue, so I interrupted. "Would you like a cigarette?"
"Yes," he answered and broke away from her embrace. Even though he doesn't know the cigarette save code word, he seemed to get it.
Then I had to figure out where to get a cigarette for him since I don't smoke.
Not one minute later, the woman came back and was all over him again.
"He needs space," I said to her.
"No he doesn't." She turned around and snapped. "He asked for me." By now, two other drunk regulars swooped in like vultures on roadkill. They know he's a single guy who probably doesn't want to go home to an empty place.
I looked on from a distance but didn't intervene. I was tired and I had a chilly walk home ahead. This time, he's on his own. I thought about him today and hoped he made it through the night okay or at least happier.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Saturday, March 23, 2013
When a little cold slips back in
Where I live, it can be warm, sunny and spring-like one day and cold and gray the next. Even though the first day of spring was this week, we're back into winter again.
Life is so like the weather. My first day of spring, of sorts, was last week on the anniversary of my new life as a single girl. It was a fabulous day and week.
This week was a little different. A little chill came back. I'm not sure why, but things happen in groups - when it rains it pours to keep the weather theme going. They're not truly life changing things, but rather a series of little disappointments.
The biggest hit two days ago. I'm second in charge of a local writing organization, and the one in charge dumped everything on me and headed to the next state. My two-seater sports car was filled to the top with the organization's junk. He's a single guy who's given up. Truthfully he's difficult to be around, and he wonders why he can't find a job.
Not to be melodramatic, but my other disappointments have to do with general flakiness. Two days ago, I invited a friend to go a birthday party with me Saturday night. I haven't heard from him yet. It's not that big a deal, but I'd appreciate him to be man enough to respond. My longtime friend and lover has gone MIA again. I understand he's in the middle of preparing to sell his home and move halfway across the country, but a quick text or call doesn't interrupt life too much.
This single girl wants people in her life she can count on. People who make the sun shine.
And there are many bright moments. My amazing friend who checks in almost every day. My other incredible friend who's recovering from surgery and still takes a minute to brighten my day. I know she's only a block away if I need he or if she needs me. A simple response to a work email makes my day. "No problem, we'll take care of that." Or a media story that attributes a company's stock price rising because of a news release I wrote.
Then there's the email from my first love with pics that brightened my week. It warms my heart that we've kept in touch across the Atlantic since I was in high school.
The fat bright red-chested robins scrounging for food in the park remind me spring really is here. Even though a few chills slip through, life is good.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Life is so like the weather. My first day of spring, of sorts, was last week on the anniversary of my new life as a single girl. It was a fabulous day and week.
This week was a little different. A little chill came back. I'm not sure why, but things happen in groups - when it rains it pours to keep the weather theme going. They're not truly life changing things, but rather a series of little disappointments.
The biggest hit two days ago. I'm second in charge of a local writing organization, and the one in charge dumped everything on me and headed to the next state. My two-seater sports car was filled to the top with the organization's junk. He's a single guy who's given up. Truthfully he's difficult to be around, and he wonders why he can't find a job.
Not to be melodramatic, but my other disappointments have to do with general flakiness. Two days ago, I invited a friend to go a birthday party with me Saturday night. I haven't heard from him yet. It's not that big a deal, but I'd appreciate him to be man enough to respond. My longtime friend and lover has gone MIA again. I understand he's in the middle of preparing to sell his home and move halfway across the country, but a quick text or call doesn't interrupt life too much.
This single girl wants people in her life she can count on. People who make the sun shine.
And there are many bright moments. My amazing friend who checks in almost every day. My other incredible friend who's recovering from surgery and still takes a minute to brighten my day. I know she's only a block away if I need he or if she needs me. A simple response to a work email makes my day. "No problem, we'll take care of that." Or a media story that attributes a company's stock price rising because of a news release I wrote.
Then there's the email from my first love with pics that brightened my week. It warms my heart that we've kept in touch across the Atlantic since I was in high school.
The fat bright red-chested robins scrounging for food in the park remind me spring really is here. Even though a few chills slip through, life is good.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The giver
Has anyone ever told you they're always the giver in a relationship? Guys tell me this often. Now I believe the opposite is true in most cases. It's become a reason to walk away. No, a reason to run.
Last night I walked down to the pub for a glass of wine. A guy I've met a few times sat at the bar with me for a bit. In the time he was there, he told me the better part of his last five years on this planet. Funny thing is, I don't remember asking.
Then he wiped tears from his eyes. And later he told me I made him cry. Really? I hardly said a word. And I don't know this guy at all outside of last night's 30 minute therapy session.
He cried because of a breakup, and he's glad she's happy with the guy she left him for.
"Wow, was this recent?" I asked.
He wiped his eyes again and paused. "No, not really. It was about six months ago."
I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying what I wanted to say. "Perhaps it's time to move on," I said, wishing for a to-go cup for my wine.
While he was talking about his ex, he told me how he was always the one who gave and she didn't appreciate it. After all of that time sitting with him, all he knows about me is my first name and what I do for a living, which he asked me twice since he probably was too busy "giving" rather than listening the first time I told him.
He's not the first to say they're the giver. I don't know if he is, but I do know from a experience a couple of other men definitely are not.
When I got home, I looked in the mirror for the therapist sign on my forehead. I think I'll start charging for listening like Lucy did on Peanuts. After all of that, he didn't even buy my $2.50 glass of wine.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Last night I walked down to the pub for a glass of wine. A guy I've met a few times sat at the bar with me for a bit. In the time he was there, he told me the better part of his last five years on this planet. Funny thing is, I don't remember asking.
Then he wiped tears from his eyes. And later he told me I made him cry. Really? I hardly said a word. And I don't know this guy at all outside of last night's 30 minute therapy session.
He cried because of a breakup, and he's glad she's happy with the guy she left him for.
"Wow, was this recent?" I asked.
He wiped his eyes again and paused. "No, not really. It was about six months ago."
I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying what I wanted to say. "Perhaps it's time to move on," I said, wishing for a to-go cup for my wine.
While he was talking about his ex, he told me how he was always the one who gave and she didn't appreciate it. After all of that time sitting with him, all he knows about me is my first name and what I do for a living, which he asked me twice since he probably was too busy "giving" rather than listening the first time I told him.
He's not the first to say they're the giver. I don't know if he is, but I do know from a experience a couple of other men definitely are not.
When I got home, I looked in the mirror for the therapist sign on my forehead. I think I'll start charging for listening like Lucy did on Peanuts. After all of that, he didn't even buy my $2.50 glass of wine.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Size
As cliche as it may be, I'm going to say it. Yes, penis size does matter. Sometimes. This is where things get complicated.
People tend to consider cock size like they think about money. There can never be enough, right?
Wrong. There can be enough and there can be too much.
And just like money, there has to be a minimum amount for a girl to survive.
A lady I know has whined for weeks about how she's worried that her boyfriend is younger. I never understand why it's such a huge issue until she finally admitted the real problem. It wasn't just that he doesn't have enough years, he also is lacking in inches. He measures up to about four. That's not much longer than my middle finger. Squeezing those muscles down there will only go so far.
Now in defense of the tiny penis guys, sometimes girls have a lot of empty real estate down there. It's not a topic girls discuss often, but I'm sure it would help to shop around and find one that fits just right. Play a little Goldicocks like they said in Sex and the City.
Also like money, too much cock can mean trouble - especially for the girl who's too small. It's happened to lots of us girls - that guy or maybe a certain position that feels like someone's cramming a baseball bat up your vagina. ("Yes, babe. Those are tears.") Sex is supposed to feel amazing - better than anything else.
Good sex is important in a relationship even if some say it's no big deal. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing to not be the right fit, and it's certainly better to address it early. If you're not happy with your sex life early on, it won't likely get much better.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
People tend to consider cock size like they think about money. There can never be enough, right?
Wrong. There can be enough and there can be too much.
And just like money, there has to be a minimum amount for a girl to survive.
A lady I know has whined for weeks about how she's worried that her boyfriend is younger. I never understand why it's such a huge issue until she finally admitted the real problem. It wasn't just that he doesn't have enough years, he also is lacking in inches. He measures up to about four. That's not much longer than my middle finger. Squeezing those muscles down there will only go so far.
Now in defense of the tiny penis guys, sometimes girls have a lot of empty real estate down there. It's not a topic girls discuss often, but I'm sure it would help to shop around and find one that fits just right. Play a little Goldicocks like they said in Sex and the City.
Also like money, too much cock can mean trouble - especially for the girl who's too small. It's happened to lots of us girls - that guy or maybe a certain position that feels like someone's cramming a baseball bat up your vagina. ("Yes, babe. Those are tears.") Sex is supposed to feel amazing - better than anything else.
Good sex is important in a relationship even if some say it's no big deal. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing to not be the right fit, and it's certainly better to address it early. If you're not happy with your sex life early on, it won't likely get much better.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, March 18, 2013
Where did that come from?
Okay, this is really bizarre. I just came in from having a couple of St. Patrick's Day celebration drinks with friends at the pub. I walk over to my computer to shut it down on the way to bed and pick up a piece of paper from underneath my chair. It's a page from my diary. The page from the first day I moved into my own apartment after college.
I have no idea where it came from.
It was my first place on my own - outside of parents' control. I moved out of my home town to the big city with no job, a horrible economy and just a little savings from working over the summer. I knew I could do it.
It's dated September 15, six months to the day from the anniversary of my new beginning a year ago. Here's what the page of handwriting says:
First day in the apartment. Feels pretty great. I'm absolutely exhausted but I don't want to sleep until stuff is cleaned up. I love my new apartment! But God only knows how I'm going to pay for everything. Oh well, I'll have to make it. Maybe I'll have to sell my body to pay the bills - just kidding. I can't wait for Molly to move in. I just hope she isn't into looking out the windows. Goodnight!
(Molly was my cat and I learned after I signed the lease that the apartments didn't allow pets. Yikes!)
I know it's likely just an odd coincidence this page shows up the same weekend I moved into this place and started my new life. There has to be a little fate thrown in - someone telling me I've done it before and will do it again even better. New beginnings are good. We should all have a few in our lifetimes.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
I have no idea where it came from.
It was my first place on my own - outside of parents' control. I moved out of my home town to the big city with no job, a horrible economy and just a little savings from working over the summer. I knew I could do it.
It's dated September 15, six months to the day from the anniversary of my new beginning a year ago. Here's what the page of handwriting says:
First day in the apartment. Feels pretty great. I'm absolutely exhausted but I don't want to sleep until stuff is cleaned up. I love my new apartment! But God only knows how I'm going to pay for everything. Oh well, I'll have to make it. Maybe I'll have to sell my body to pay the bills - just kidding. I can't wait for Molly to move in. I just hope she isn't into looking out the windows. Goodnight!
(Molly was my cat and I learned after I signed the lease that the apartments didn't allow pets. Yikes!)
I know it's likely just an odd coincidence this page shows up the same weekend I moved into this place and started my new life. There has to be a little fate thrown in - someone telling me I've done it before and will do it again even better. New beginnings are good. We should all have a few in our lifetimes.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Friday, March 15, 2013
Taste of the medicine
Yeah, I know. I would love some good meds about now. Something to make me relax and sleep like a baby. Those aren't the meds I'm talking about though.
Something interesting happened last night. My friend and I made plans to go to a wine bar in nearby town to hear a guy sing. We made the plans and confirmed them when she was at my place for girls night two nights ago. We even confirmed them at the pub later, in front of her boyfriend.
During our girls evening, we talked about our exes that we still think about. The good ones. While this friend spoke fondly about one of hers, she texted him. I had just received an email from one of mine that day too. They traded texts most of the evening and made plans to meet up yesterday afternoon since she had the day off work.
"Wow, that was fast," I said. "Oh, don't forget about our plans."
She looked at me and nodded. "I know."
I've watched her get angry, frustrated and cry over how her boyfriend disappears some nights. These are nights she assumed they had plans together but he goes MIA. I've written about these two. And I've listened to her moan and whine about it until she finally had a talk with him the other day.
She did the same thing to me. I texted her to confirm our plans early in the afternoon. No response. MIA. Sound familiar?
About an hour before his show was to start, I forwarded her the Facebook post from the singer. "You still in for our outing tonight?" I messaged her. "Should be home early."
Thirty minutes later she responded, "I'm still with my ex I texted the other night. Don't know if I'll be back by seven."
I thought about whether I should respond or ignore it and decided she needed to know she had a commitment that she blew off. "Oh. We had firm plans."
I saw her briefly later at the pub. She apologized and asked if I went anyway.
Honestly, it's not upsetting in the least. I expected this to happen, but I also thought she would let me know. If she had, I would have invited someone else to go with me like I'll do next time. That way I won't be around for her to cry on my shoulder the next time her boyfriend disappears.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Something interesting happened last night. My friend and I made plans to go to a wine bar in nearby town to hear a guy sing. We made the plans and confirmed them when she was at my place for girls night two nights ago. We even confirmed them at the pub later, in front of her boyfriend.
During our girls evening, we talked about our exes that we still think about. The good ones. While this friend spoke fondly about one of hers, she texted him. I had just received an email from one of mine that day too. They traded texts most of the evening and made plans to meet up yesterday afternoon since she had the day off work.
"Wow, that was fast," I said. "Oh, don't forget about our plans."
She looked at me and nodded. "I know."
I've watched her get angry, frustrated and cry over how her boyfriend disappears some nights. These are nights she assumed they had plans together but he goes MIA. I've written about these two. And I've listened to her moan and whine about it until she finally had a talk with him the other day.
She did the same thing to me. I texted her to confirm our plans early in the afternoon. No response. MIA. Sound familiar?
About an hour before his show was to start, I forwarded her the Facebook post from the singer. "You still in for our outing tonight?" I messaged her. "Should be home early."
Thirty minutes later she responded, "I'm still with my ex I texted the other night. Don't know if I'll be back by seven."
I thought about whether I should respond or ignore it and decided she needed to know she had a commitment that she blew off. "Oh. We had firm plans."
I saw her briefly later at the pub. She apologized and asked if I went anyway.
Honestly, it's not upsetting in the least. I expected this to happen, but I also thought she would let me know. If she had, I would have invited someone else to go with me like I'll do next time. That way I won't be around for her to cry on my shoulder the next time her boyfriend disappears.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Today started a new life
One year ago today was the first day I lived on my own. I moved out of the house I shared with my ex and into the apartment I call home now. I almost typed "my house," but it never really was my house or my home - even after the years of marriage. Because of that and many other reasons, I've never looked back.
It does amaze me that I survived the move. I know lots of women go through worse, but it was definitely bad for me. I had no idea how my ex would react - whether he would ignore me, yell and scream, burn my stuff or kill me.
After a few therapy sessions, I was ready. So I slipped my most precious belongings out and put them in storage, made the moving arrangements, found an apartment, and then told him.
It happened fast. For weeks I would have rather move out than eat or breathe. I had to remind myself to do both. My family nor my clients had any clue what was going on. Even though a few friends knew, it wasn't worth the risk for them to help, so I packed by myself. Well, my ex helped a little. He packed up my CDs and DVDs. I'm sure he wanted to make certain I did't take any of his sacred discs. The two movers helped a lot. I remember crying in the closet as I loaded my clothes into the wardrobe boxes.
On the night I moved in, there was a tiny hint of my life to come. My new next door neighbor called about 10 o'clock and invited me to meet her and some friends at the pub. It was early St. Patrick's Day celebrations. I thanked her but declined and explained through the loud pub noise that my stinky tear-stained self was too exhausted from moving to even try to be sociable. I'll have to remind her if that night at her big 3-0 party next weekend.
Looking back on that brief period still brings tears to my eyes. Now I know pure determination pulled me through - and lots of moral support from friends. I believed in myself and knew I deserved a better life. We all do.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
It does amaze me that I survived the move. I know lots of women go through worse, but it was definitely bad for me. I had no idea how my ex would react - whether he would ignore me, yell and scream, burn my stuff or kill me.
After a few therapy sessions, I was ready. So I slipped my most precious belongings out and put them in storage, made the moving arrangements, found an apartment, and then told him.
It happened fast. For weeks I would have rather move out than eat or breathe. I had to remind myself to do both. My family nor my clients had any clue what was going on. Even though a few friends knew, it wasn't worth the risk for them to help, so I packed by myself. Well, my ex helped a little. He packed up my CDs and DVDs. I'm sure he wanted to make certain I did't take any of his sacred discs. The two movers helped a lot. I remember crying in the closet as I loaded my clothes into the wardrobe boxes.
On the night I moved in, there was a tiny hint of my life to come. My new next door neighbor called about 10 o'clock and invited me to meet her and some friends at the pub. It was early St. Patrick's Day celebrations. I thanked her but declined and explained through the loud pub noise that my stinky tear-stained self was too exhausted from moving to even try to be sociable. I'll have to remind her if that night at her big 3-0 party next weekend.
Looking back on that brief period still brings tears to my eyes. Now I know pure determination pulled me through - and lots of moral support from friends. I believed in myself and knew I deserved a better life. We all do.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Not every single girl's ready
I'm not sure who's frustrated most - my friends or me.
A couple of friends came over for girls' night dinner. We're all divorced, and they both have boyfriends. But, in my opinion, neither of them should. Like me, they're not ready.
It's not until I get with the girls - and after we consume massive quantities of wine - that I realize how evolved I am in my journey. I see how much I've learned about what to look for in a relationship. I also realize how much I don't know. It feels good to make progress, and want to bring all of the girls along with me.
One of the girls has a boyfriend who disappears regularly. Complete MIA. And when he isn't missing, he should be. He rarely wants to have sex anymore, and she has to do all the work on the occasion that they do. The real deal breaker though is he's never given her head. Ever. Not even to return the favor. What? She finally talked to him about the disappearing act and better communications but not the other. She loves him and wants to make it work. I think it's time for a journey.
The other friend has commented for weeks how she's uncomfortable with a younger boyfriend. He's sweet and totally into her. Once the wine flowed, she admitted feeling like she's cheating on her ex when she's with another man. Then she confessed the sexual shortcomings. And then she whined the rest of the evening about all three issues but would entertain no possible solution.
I suggested therapy. She said talking to her friends was all the therapy she needed.
I wanted to scream.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
A couple of friends came over for girls' night dinner. We're all divorced, and they both have boyfriends. But, in my opinion, neither of them should. Like me, they're not ready.
It's not until I get with the girls - and after we consume massive quantities of wine - that I realize how evolved I am in my journey. I see how much I've learned about what to look for in a relationship. I also realize how much I don't know. It feels good to make progress, and want to bring all of the girls along with me.
One of the girls has a boyfriend who disappears regularly. Complete MIA. And when he isn't missing, he should be. He rarely wants to have sex anymore, and she has to do all the work on the occasion that they do. The real deal breaker though is he's never given her head. Ever. Not even to return the favor. What? She finally talked to him about the disappearing act and better communications but not the other. She loves him and wants to make it work. I think it's time for a journey.
The other friend has commented for weeks how she's uncomfortable with a younger boyfriend. He's sweet and totally into her. Once the wine flowed, she admitted feeling like she's cheating on her ex when she's with another man. Then she confessed the sexual shortcomings. And then she whined the rest of the evening about all three issues but would entertain no possible solution.
I suggested therapy. She said talking to her friends was all the therapy she needed.
I wanted to scream.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
She only likes me when I'm married
We kept in touch though, and he visited the next summer. That's when it happened. The whole absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder cliche. It did, and we became a couple for the short while we were together.
Then we tried the long distance thing, but during the year before his summer visit, he met a woman. They dated then lived together then eventually married. Now they have two kids. I don't know if they're happy now or if they ever were.
She's the one who only likes me when I'm married.
Her hatred toward me was very clear the time I visited when I was still single. She didn't let me spend one second alone with her husband the few days we were together. We took a short outing when he took me by my old house and school and the pub where we met, and she insisted we take their four-year-old child with us. Did she really think we'd strip down and fuck in the car like teenagers? We had been a couple before they even met, so I'm not sure why she was so jealous and unsure of her relationship with him.
Then my ex and I had a short visit with them during our honeymoon a few years later. During that trip, the wife was a different person. That hatred I saw before was gone. She was almost pleasant.
Now I'm single again, and I got a long email from him just now. He sent along three photographs that include himself and the two kids, but no wife (yes, they're still married). He's also asking about my change of address. Telling him means his wife might hate me again, but I think this single girl can handle it even though she can't.
If I decide to visit again, perhaps it will be a surprise and she'll never know.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
It's not the little things, or maybe it is
Two of my best friends are in deeply committed relationships but don't see their significant others every day. I sometimes wonder if the little things will get in the way of their relationships when they are someday together all the time. Then I remind myself how strong their relationships really are. Most of all, they communicate with each other and each have a sense of humor about life and their relationships.
They probably also realize sometimes the little things are endearing.
I have a tiny confession. I haven't yet cleaned my place since my special guest left almost a week ago. There are just a couple of reminders like how he left the chair pulled out at the dining table and the sprinkle of beard left on the sink from his electric razor.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not whiny and helpless with him gone. I just like his lingering presence. They're reminders of the brief delicious time we had and how much I look forward to the next time.
I especially like the fact that we squeeze the toothpaste tube in different ways. He squeezes all over the tube and I squeeze from the bottom. There's nothing wrong with either method. I just love that we're different.
It reminds me how much I love the little things, and that I need to buy more toothpaste.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Down
Down is exactly how I felt every time a woman I met last night opened her mouth. And she was a single girl.
I hosted a little happy hour for other writers in the area. We had a good group of about eight until she joined. As soon as she sat down, she admitted changing out of her cashmere into old clothes (and they were indeed old) since we were having drinks in a pub. She didn't want to smell like smoke. Like most places, this pub doesn't allow smoking indoors though.
That led to a conversation about Los Angeles where there are annual conferences for writers. We talked about the conferences, speakers, vibe, whether it's worth going. I said, "yes, it's worth going."
She talked about how she experienced asthma for the first time in LA.
Then she ordered a drink, but decided against that particular one because of the specific ingredients. It was a dramatic decision. Then she ended up with a shot - mixed with the same ingredients - while she nibbled on the food the rest of us ordered.
I won't even get into the long discussion about her commute from downtown where she lives to a far-away suburb to work and whether she should move and where. I'm depressed already thinking about her issues about each suggestion.
I honestly try to stand behind the single girls. We all have our issues. This time I just couldn't.
Love to the single girls (well, most of them),
Addison
I hosted a little happy hour for other writers in the area. We had a good group of about eight until she joined. As soon as she sat down, she admitted changing out of her cashmere into old clothes (and they were indeed old) since we were having drinks in a pub. She didn't want to smell like smoke. Like most places, this pub doesn't allow smoking indoors though.
That led to a conversation about Los Angeles where there are annual conferences for writers. We talked about the conferences, speakers, vibe, whether it's worth going. I said, "yes, it's worth going."
She talked about how she experienced asthma for the first time in LA.
Then she ordered a drink, but decided against that particular one because of the specific ingredients. It was a dramatic decision. Then she ended up with a shot - mixed with the same ingredients - while she nibbled on the food the rest of us ordered.
I won't even get into the long discussion about her commute from downtown where she lives to a far-away suburb to work and whether she should move and where. I'm depressed already thinking about her issues about each suggestion.
I honestly try to stand behind the single girls. We all have our issues. This time I just couldn't.
Love to the single girls (well, most of them),
Addison
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Connected
There's nothing more beautiful than sex when you're really connected with that someone. When motion is fluid and your bodies become one. I'd rather be wrapped up with that someone than eat or breathe or just about anything.
I'm not sure that this connection has much to do with love for each other. It does have everything to do with mutual respect. With this, people become more selfless and focus on their partner. Since there's no your-turn-my-turn bedroom game playing, no one's keeping score. It all just happens, and it's beautiful.
Connecting also has everything to do with unquestionable love for the art of love making. It's human nature to try harder at things you enjoy. Face it, you do things you enjoy more often so you get better at them as well.
Two people who share that mutual respect and also truly love fucking will make delicious magic. When you find that person, take special care of them and they'll do the same for you. And you'll both be very lucky people.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
I'm not sure that this connection has much to do with love for each other. It does have everything to do with mutual respect. With this, people become more selfless and focus on their partner. Since there's no your-turn-my-turn bedroom game playing, no one's keeping score. It all just happens, and it's beautiful.
Connecting also has everything to do with unquestionable love for the art of love making. It's human nature to try harder at things you enjoy. Face it, you do things you enjoy more often so you get better at them as well.
Two people who share that mutual respect and also truly love fucking will make delicious magic. When you find that person, take special care of them and they'll do the same for you. And you'll both be very lucky people.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
One of the best dates ever
Don't think I'm some cray-cray chick. It's been a hectic week with house guests and going out every night. Then Friday night's birthday party went way too late. It was stormy outside last night, and it would've been way too easy to stay in. Instead, I turned down two dinner invites and took myself out.
I started my date by popping out to buy a birthday present at DSW and ended up with the gift and a really cute pair if summer sandals for me. They're heels, of course, and I hope they help bring spring faster.
Then this single girl took herself out to dinner. I chatted with the bartender and a few other people. He told me about the blog he used to write. It was a perfectly fun and relaxing evening. And I didn't even have to worry about that awkward moment when the date wants to come in. Then, if he does, the other awkward moment when you want to get him out.
Being alone is a true art. Everyone - single or not - should dine alone on occasion. There's nothing wrong with it. People won't pitty you or think you're a loser. I believe it's healthy. Being alone forces you to talk to people or be comfortable in your silence. It helps you be happier. It helps you be you.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Giving up fabulous for fashion
Girls have their limits though. I've been noticing them recently wearing ginormous heels. These girls are hiked up on 3 inch platforms with 5 to 6 inch heels. Some look like they're literally floating through the air, but most are more like new born fawns trying to stand and take their first steps. I watch and hope they don't fall in a heap with their micro minis bunched around their waists.
At the risk of sounding a little too Nicki Minaj-like on American idol, "Hello daaaaling. Who styled you tonight?"
Don't do it girls. Wobbling is not hot.
Here's an easy test to use while you're shopping that works even better than a mirror. Hit the vid button on your phone and watch yourself walk in those tall shoes before you take them home. Then be honest with yourself. If you're struggling to stay upright in the store, think about walking in them up and down stairs or on a brick sidewalk or after a couple of cocktails. Trust me single girls, your dates will not be impressed.
If you must get them anyway - in spite of the five inch baby steps you take while wearing them - then promise yourself they'll be your indoor shoes. You don't have to walk far from the living room to the bedroom with that hot guy, and they'll look fab dropped on the floor next to the bed.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Single girls need to take care of themselves
Last night I had a healthy reminder of why being single is so fabulous.
I walked down the street to the surprise birthday party my friend had for her husband. I talked to different people all night, danced with a few, and I didn't have to tend to anyone. It was a blast in spite of the game I played all evening avoiding the guy I went out with for just longer than a minute over Christmas. He was always there - first trying to figure out what the front of my t-shirt said (a challenge since I kept my back to him until he walked up and asked what it said). He just wouldn't go away and kept talking about how he'd been drinking since two o'clock - like we couldn't tell since be was acting like such an idiot.
Yes, being single is much better than being stuck with his tiny cock and drunk ass. On the bright side, he had finally changed out of the red shirt I'd seen him in the last few times.
All evening, one of my girl friends was angry and upset at her boyfriend of almost a year for disappearing. This disappearing thing is a habit. We talked about how she wanted to have kids and whether he would be the right dad. She said she really wanted things to work with him. When I asked why, she wasn't sure.
My response, "Just use him for sex then."
Her eyes got big. "I don't even get that," she said. "Maybe once a month."
I barely let her finish her sentence," Dump the mother fucker then!"
She finally admitted she was afraid of being alone and thought she might not find anyone else. A good dildo is way better than all of the worrying and heartache over some douchebag.
Yes, being single is indeed fabulous. When we single girls take care of ourselves first, adding a lover or friend or soul mate completes it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. I'm enjoying a Malbec and a delish pecan crusted shrimp salad at the bar of a local fish restaurant. I promised I'd shout out to the bartender with the nice smile. Thanks love.
I walked down the street to the surprise birthday party my friend had for her husband. I talked to different people all night, danced with a few, and I didn't have to tend to anyone. It was a blast in spite of the game I played all evening avoiding the guy I went out with for just longer than a minute over Christmas. He was always there - first trying to figure out what the front of my t-shirt said (a challenge since I kept my back to him until he walked up and asked what it said). He just wouldn't go away and kept talking about how he'd been drinking since two o'clock - like we couldn't tell since be was acting like such an idiot.
Yes, being single is much better than being stuck with his tiny cock and drunk ass. On the bright side, he had finally changed out of the red shirt I'd seen him in the last few times.
All evening, one of my girl friends was angry and upset at her boyfriend of almost a year for disappearing. This disappearing thing is a habit. We talked about how she wanted to have kids and whether he would be the right dad. She said she really wanted things to work with him. When I asked why, she wasn't sure.
My response, "Just use him for sex then."
Her eyes got big. "I don't even get that," she said. "Maybe once a month."
I barely let her finish her sentence," Dump the mother fucker then!"
She finally admitted she was afraid of being alone and thought she might not find anyone else. A good dildo is way better than all of the worrying and heartache over some douchebag.
Yes, being single is indeed fabulous. When we single girls take care of ourselves first, adding a lover or friend or soul mate completes it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. I'm enjoying a Malbec and a delish pecan crusted shrimp salad at the bar of a local fish restaurant. I promised I'd shout out to the bartender with the nice smile. Thanks love.
Friday, March 8, 2013
What every single girl needs
I believe every single girl needs a formal dress they feel beautiful in. Heck, every girl needs one, and as of Tuesday, I do.
While my special friend was visiting, we explored a trendy shopping area where I found a little collection of vintage clothing. That's where I picked up this amazing black dress. It's covered in beads from top to bottom and, when I tried it on, it hugged my body just right (Well almost. It's a tad big so I'll try having it altered).
The coolest part is what I paid for it - $28. It was even a little less expensive than the cute hemp purse I bought that ended up being the shopping bag for the dress. It also has a few missing beads, but I can replace those, and it means the dress is already broken in. I only wish I knew what lucky girl wore it and the stories she brought home from the event.
Instead of a quiet, work-filled Tuesday, we had such a fun day. Lunch, funky antique stores and galleries, and a quick drive around to see a couple of other fun city spots. We met up with some of my friends for a drink then sushi then pool at the pub. Of course, we made time for yummy indoor activities throughout the day, and we almost slept through dinner - by far one of the best naps this single girl has ever had.
Every single girls needs all of these things as often as possible. Now all I need is another few days with my favorite lover and an event as amazing as the dress.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Running away
It is so true that art imitates life. I've just proven it.
For some reason, I can get into the right frame of mind to write in the late afternoon at my local pub. A glass of wine always helps.
So I did that today. It's been a month since I've written a single word of my novel. At the pub, I sipped on a glass of Cabernet and wrote a chapter. Okay, it was a short chapter but an intense one just the same.
I got to the pub at about 5:30 p.m., so there wasn't much time before the regulars started to arrive. One of the local girls walked through wearing baggy shorts and a university t-shirt - not her usual casual drunk attire. She came by and hugged me.
"You look like you're about to play some serious games," I said.
"I am," she answered. "Just headed to the gym to start working out."
"Good for you," I answered.
As she walked away I wondered if it's a good thing to stop by the pub before you work out, so I posted the question to Facebook. One of the guys who happens to have chased me for the past few years since we went out a few times after college commented on the post. He said something along the lines of how it's fine as long as it's my beautiful self looking in the mirror. Did I mention he's married with kids?
So what does this have to do with running away? Well, it does in three ways.
First, I'm still running away from married guy who keeps chasing me.
Second, I ran away from the pub because the guy I went out with around Christmastime came in. I wanted to keep my writing vibe going, but he kept being in my line of sight in the same unbuttoned red shirt with the white t-shirt underneath he's had on the last two or three times I've seen him. This single girl had to run away. Pronto.
And finally, the main character in my novel was running away in the scene I was writing. She was running away from the people she trusted most who had betrayed her in the most horrible way.
I'm lucky enough to have people in my life now who haven't betrayed me. I've had my fair share of betrayal that I always work on forgetting, but I'm ridding my world of those people every day. And I'm happy that I'm in shape enough to run away any time I need to. I dare them to catch me.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
For some reason, I can get into the right frame of mind to write in the late afternoon at my local pub. A glass of wine always helps.
So I did that today. It's been a month since I've written a single word of my novel. At the pub, I sipped on a glass of Cabernet and wrote a chapter. Okay, it was a short chapter but an intense one just the same.
I got to the pub at about 5:30 p.m., so there wasn't much time before the regulars started to arrive. One of the local girls walked through wearing baggy shorts and a university t-shirt - not her usual casual drunk attire. She came by and hugged me.
"You look like you're about to play some serious games," I said.
"I am," she answered. "Just headed to the gym to start working out."
"Good for you," I answered.
As she walked away I wondered if it's a good thing to stop by the pub before you work out, so I posted the question to Facebook. One of the guys who happens to have chased me for the past few years since we went out a few times after college commented on the post. He said something along the lines of how it's fine as long as it's my beautiful self looking in the mirror. Did I mention he's married with kids?
So what does this have to do with running away? Well, it does in three ways.
First, I'm still running away from married guy who keeps chasing me.
Second, I ran away from the pub because the guy I went out with around Christmastime came in. I wanted to keep my writing vibe going, but he kept being in my line of sight in the same unbuttoned red shirt with the white t-shirt underneath he's had on the last two or three times I've seen him. This single girl had to run away. Pronto.
And finally, the main character in my novel was running away in the scene I was writing. She was running away from the people she trusted most who had betrayed her in the most horrible way.
I'm lucky enough to have people in my life now who haven't betrayed me. I've had my fair share of betrayal that I always work on forgetting, but I'm ridding my world of those people every day. And I'm happy that I'm in shape enough to run away any time I need to. I dare them to catch me.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Hiding behind the friend label - dating rule #7
I know I'm really slow at figuring out this one. I'm downright remedial. I trust people more than I should. And I trust people I shouldn't. It's just who I am, and I'm trying to change.
Why? Well, they're friends.
The one I've described recently as one of the good guys tells me almost every time I see him how he puts our friendship first. I guess he means he considers our friendship above the physical part of our relationship. He invites me out and complains that I don't contact him. He wants me to make plans with him in advance - something I've never really done with him until I tried it last night.
I texted him to suggest going out somewhere this weekend. Okay, it's partially because I'm suffering from real friend withdrawal, but he's also fun to hang out with. He makes me laugh.
He texted back this afternoon, "Wish, doesn't look like it at this point...weekends r so short and I've been severely procrastinating."
What? The people who call themselves my friends that I want in my life make time if they want to, or they at least have a better reason.
He doesn't know what being a friend really means.
I texted him to suggest going out somewhere this weekend. Okay, it's partially because I'm suffering from real friend withdrawal, but he's also fun to hang out with. He makes me laugh.
He texted back this afternoon, "Wish, doesn't look like it at this point...weekends r so short and I've been severely procrastinating."
What? The people who call themselves my friends that I want in my life make time if they want to, or they at least have a better reason.
He doesn't know what being a friend really means.
Dating rule number seven - stay away from the guys who want the boyfriend benes while calling your relationship just friends.
My "friend" has one thing partially right. He says weekends are so short. I say life is way too short to waste with guys who want to hide sex behind friendship - especially when they're only friends when it's convenient.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. He left me a voice mail soon after I posted this to explain further. He said maybe the next weekend but remembered he already has a St. Patty's Day commitment so maybe the next. Really friend?
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Beautiful things
I wrote this a few days ago but didn't have a chance to publish it.
My life is full. It's filled with things that leave me happy.
I spent the last four days with two of my best friends, and another just arrived. It meant five trips to the airport in four days, but every moment I spend with them leaves me re-energized. I thrive on these visits. These are the people who helped me be who I am today. We all need people like these - especially when we're single.
And in return, I try to be optimistic with them and with others. Sharing something as simple as a smile or a text to let your friend know you're thinking about them can help to brighten their day. A simple jesture can mean the difference in a day that sucks versus one that has something good in it. Squeezing someone's shoulder may turn the course of a rotton moment or make a person who doesn't believe in themselves into someone who does.
Not everyone appreciates the beautiful things people can offer, but share them anyway. Perhaps someday they will.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
My life is full. It's filled with things that leave me happy.
I spent the last four days with two of my best friends, and another just arrived. It meant five trips to the airport in four days, but every moment I spend with them leaves me re-energized. I thrive on these visits. These are the people who helped me be who I am today. We all need people like these - especially when we're single.
And in return, I try to be optimistic with them and with others. Sharing something as simple as a smile or a text to let your friend know you're thinking about them can help to brighten their day. A simple jesture can mean the difference in a day that sucks versus one that has something good in it. Squeezing someone's shoulder may turn the course of a rotton moment or make a person who doesn't believe in themselves into someone who does.
Not everyone appreciates the beautiful things people can offer, but share them anyway. Perhaps someday they will.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Empty
My home is empty, but my heart is full.
I look around my place and see everything's in order. But no one's there. The floor's no longer covered with shoes and shopping bags and chargers for phones and laptops. Chair backs aren't draped with jackets and last night's outfits anymore.
Six trips to airports got me four days with two of my best girlfriends followed by two days with my friend and favorite lover. We relaxed and ate well and did fun things. We took care of ourselves and each other. Until this morning's final airport drop off.
They've gone back to their families and work and problems they escaped from while they were here.
Now my place is quiet. There's no laughter or conversation. No one's there to answer a question or share a funny story with. I have to turn on the TV to fill the void.
It's empty. There's no one to hug or kiss. And I'll sleep alone tonight. Just Lucy and me will cuddle up to stay warm on these last winter nights. While the decorative pillows still litter the floor, they're not covered by shirts and jeans and underwear from my last special guest's visit.
Over the last week, I stocked up on good things from three of my best friends' visits. I hope it gets me by until next time. I look forward to my next trips to the East Coast in April and the West Coast in May when I'll stock up again.
But now my heart's heavy, and it's full too.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
I look around my place and see everything's in order. But no one's there. The floor's no longer covered with shoes and shopping bags and chargers for phones and laptops. Chair backs aren't draped with jackets and last night's outfits anymore.
Six trips to airports got me four days with two of my best girlfriends followed by two days with my friend and favorite lover. We relaxed and ate well and did fun things. We took care of ourselves and each other. Until this morning's final airport drop off.
They've gone back to their families and work and problems they escaped from while they were here.
Now my place is quiet. There's no laughter or conversation. No one's there to answer a question or share a funny story with. I have to turn on the TV to fill the void.
It's empty. There's no one to hug or kiss. And I'll sleep alone tonight. Just Lucy and me will cuddle up to stay warm on these last winter nights. While the decorative pillows still litter the floor, they're not covered by shirts and jeans and underwear from my last special guest's visit.
Over the last week, I stocked up on good things from three of my best friends' visits. I hope it gets me by until next time. I look forward to my next trips to the East Coast in April and the West Coast in May when I'll stock up again.
But now my heart's heavy, and it's full too.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, March 4, 2013
The art of commitment
I think I've learned something about myself. I have a hard time making a commitment. It hit me when I watched myself avoid signing a new lease for my apartment.
I used to not be this way. While I was never foolish, I'd jump into just about anything without hesitation. Jobs, relationships, apartment leases. Since then, I've learned commitments are much more difficult to get out of than into.
I've been on my own for a year now. Signing the original lease was easy. It meant freedom. At the time, I knew I wouldn't be itching to move in the first year. I love the area where I live as well as my apartment, but signing another lease that commits me to twelve more months was a tough move. Freedom a year ago meant I was free from my old life and bad marriage. Now freedom has a new meaning. It means I can go and do and live and be wherever I want . . . in a year, that is.
I'm not sure this fear of commitment is a good thing.
Based on my recent dating experiences, I'm also not committing to any kind of relationship. Since I've been single, I've met and been out with lots of guys. I'm never bored. They're all different kinds of men of varying ages, careers, interests and stages in life. Some have been fun and some - well - I always learn something from them.
In this case I'm certain the fear of commitment is indeed a good thing. And I'm sure my friends would agree.
I don't knock commitment. People need it in romantic relationships especially. A couple can't survive without it. For me, freedom is the most fabulous and liberating feeling, and I know it's where I need to be.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. I did sign my new lease, so I'm here for another year, at least.
I used to not be this way. While I was never foolish, I'd jump into just about anything without hesitation. Jobs, relationships, apartment leases. Since then, I've learned commitments are much more difficult to get out of than into.
I've been on my own for a year now. Signing the original lease was easy. It meant freedom. At the time, I knew I wouldn't be itching to move in the first year. I love the area where I live as well as my apartment, but signing another lease that commits me to twelve more months was a tough move. Freedom a year ago meant I was free from my old life and bad marriage. Now freedom has a new meaning. It means I can go and do and live and be wherever I want . . . in a year, that is.
I'm not sure this fear of commitment is a good thing.
Based on my recent dating experiences, I'm also not committing to any kind of relationship. Since I've been single, I've met and been out with lots of guys. I'm never bored. They're all different kinds of men of varying ages, careers, interests and stages in life. Some have been fun and some - well - I always learn something from them.
In this case I'm certain the fear of commitment is indeed a good thing. And I'm sure my friends would agree.
I don't knock commitment. People need it in romantic relationships especially. A couple can't survive without it. For me, freedom is the most fabulous and liberating feeling, and I know it's where I need to be.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. I did sign my new lease, so I'm here for another year, at least.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Reading love by the petals
I saw a comic recently that was too funny but wrong in so many ways. It showed two women in an office setting talking, The caption said, "You can find out if he loves you at daisypetals.com."
Have you ever been in a relationship like this?
I've learned a few things from my relationship successes and failures. One is that I never want to wonder if love exists. A few of my friends who are in successful relationships have one thing right. They communicate. If one of them screws up, they say so in a constructive way. And if they do something well, they say so too. Neither of them wonder where they stand.
I've always had a hard time saying I love you. My family never said it. And I hear others say it as often as people in the friendly southern United States says "have a nice day." I'm not sure that telling someone you love them five times a day has the same meaning after a while. When I say those three words, it's sincere.
Of course, saying the illusive "L word" in a relationship can be scary. It's the turning point. But there's love and there's love. One is a deep caring for another - one like you would have for a friend or anyone close to you. The other is that undying romantic love you have with THE one. I do love one man in my life, but it's the first kind of love. It will be a long time before I'm ready to say the real I love you -- the one that's supposed to be forever.
I've learned a few things from my relationship successes and failures. One is that I never want to wonder if love exists. A few of my friends who are in successful relationships have one thing right. They communicate. If one of them screws up, they say so in a constructive way. And if they do something well, they say so too. Neither of them wonder where they stand.
I've always had a hard time saying I love you. My family never said it. And I hear others say it as often as people in the friendly southern United States says "have a nice day." I'm not sure that telling someone you love them five times a day has the same meaning after a while. When I say those three words, it's sincere.
Of course, saying the illusive "L word" in a relationship can be scary. It's the turning point. But there's love and there's love. One is a deep caring for another - one like you would have for a friend or anyone close to you. The other is that undying romantic love you have with THE one. I do love one man in my life, but it's the first kind of love. It will be a long time before I'm ready to say the real I love you -- the one that's supposed to be forever.
Please, if you truly love someone, make sure they know.
Love to the single girls,
AddisonFriends
Today while I was jogging in the park I watched a hawk swoop down and pounce on a little bird that was resting alone on the ground. It was minding its own business under a tree. I ran up to the hawk hoping I'd scare it away. It just carried its prey few yards away. I tried again with the same result. The whole food chain thing makes total sense to me, but I really wanted the bird to have another chance.
Seeing the hawk attack the bird when it was alone made me think about how it sometimes feels to be single. When you have a significant other, you know they're by your side. But those of us who don't have one count on our friends to be there when we need them. They make us feel less alone. Less vulnerable.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a friend. True friends accept you for who you are but also want better for you. They listen and observe and see things you may not. They know when to speak and when to shut up. They know when to be by your side and when to leave you in peace. And it works both ways - true friends treat each other this way.
There are a handful of true friends in my life. Two are visiting now for a girls' weekend. The intent was to write for the weekend. We've had a massage, done lots of eating and a little drinking - oh, and a little writing too. Two others are friends I've had for many years and another is a new friend I've only known since last year but feel as if I've known for many more. Last is my friend and lover who will be here for a visit next week. These are the people who listened before, during and after my divorce. They encouraged but didn't judge. They laughed but not at me and they even cried with me at times. They are the ones who helped me get where I am now and try to keep me headed in the right direction - away from trouble. Again.A friend has a husband who seems to relive his college days with one of his buddies. He ended up drunk and stranded a few weeks ago near the strip club they had visited . He lost his keys, phone, credit card, warch, one shoe and clearly his mind. A hotel security guard had to call his wife to come and pick him up. When she got there, he had this wild story about being chased and someone trying to extort money from him. The next day, he didn't remember a thing. You can imagine how my friend reacted. True friends don't get you into trouble.
Speaking of trouble, there are a number of girls and guys I've met since I've been single. After knowing them a very short time, I just see that they're trouble. They're likely candidates to lead me or anyone else who enters their lives into situation similar to the story about my friend's husband. It's a good thing he's not single or he might have not gotten out of trouble so easily.
We all need to be strong and stand on our own. I have to remind myself of this often. But we also have to call on our friends from time to time. Or sometimes, like the little bird with the hawk, your friends come to your rescue before you know you're in trouble. They save you from the hawks we all know are out there.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)