Kindness

For the last week and a half I've had a little problem with a man I met recently. It's one I've never faced before.

Kindness.

We met on Halloween and connected immediately. We were both in costume - him with white and bloody zombie makeup covering his face. We danced and talked and danced some more. I felt good around him. Happy.

We talked about seeing each other again and I said yes even though his face was still a mystery. He had a kind soul - and I didn't even need eyes to know that. 

Since then we've been out three times. Each time we had conversations - ones where we both talk and listen. Two hours will pass over a meal and we won't have had a quiet moment. He's considerate and respectful of me and of others. He opens my car door and rinses off dinner dishes. And he has a strong but gentle touch. 

Most of all I can depend on him. When he says he'll call he does. If he's running late he lets me know. So many people don't, and never care about who's feelings they hurt.

One of the most telling signs of his kindness is his relationships. Friends and family are important. He has friends from his childhood and from recent years, and he sees them often. He enjoys being social and meeting new people. When he went to a friend's birthday party with me he met and talked with everyone there. He's also close to his brothers and parents.

These sound like the simplest things, but people so rarely do them. My ex and other men I've dated cared mainly about themselves - how they could impress people and what they could get from the relationship rather then what they could give. As a result, I don't know how to handle kindness. Its hard to know what to say or do.

What happens when you put two givers together? I'm not talking about doormat givers but rather strong people who often put others' needs first - especially if they're in real need. 

The other day he told me how much he likes me. I told him I like him too, but the next words fell out of my mouth by themselves.

"I hope I don't disappoint you." I immediately wanted to take them back. Disappointing him is the last thing I want to do, but I don't want to seem weak or needy.

His kind response surprised me again. "You haven't been told often enough how beautiful you are." 

From what I've seen so far, he's the one who's beautiful - inside and out.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

I was kissed by a vampire on Halloween

At least that's what I'm told. Halloween night doubled with a friend's birthday party. We had yummy Tex-Mex before the real birthday/ Halloween party at the pub around the corner.

I confess, I had a beer and two margaritas with dinner. I only planned for one margarita but a guy at the bar sent a round over. The margaritas were really strong, and it doesn't take much for me, but I swear on the tallest pile of Halloween candy I can reach I absolutely do not remember the vampire kiss.

Someone told me at my other friend's birthday party the next night that she heard I was making out with the vampire. Then two people said they saw me. I don't not believe them, and I remember the vampire well.  He was nice looking but the eyeliner, hair and costume ensemble looked like he stepped out of Duran Duran in the mid 1980s. And he was way too friendly for my taste.

And I remember everything else well too. I remember having one drink - a vodka cranberry - because the bartender said they didn't have pumpkin-flavored anything. I remember all of the birthday girls' friends I had never met before (the vampire was one of them), their costumes and all of the photo taking. I also remember the fun band and meeting one of the band members - an amazing guy I'll write more about soon.

So if the vampire did kiss me and I don't remember, it had to be one of these that happened:

1) His kiss was so forgettable I blocked it out.
2) It didn't really happen.
3) I was too distracted by the guy in the band 
4) The vampire cast some sort of spell to make me forget

Whatever happened, I'm glad it was only once, and it won't happen again.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Being a free spirit

It's taken me a long time to embrace the fact that I'm a free spirit. Friends back in high school noticed as have good friends today.Society's norms don't matter to me. I do what feels right.

But being a free spirit isn't always easy. It's why I've had some bad relationships. It's why my friends are all so different. Many of them don't conform to what society expects either - each in his or her own way. I tend to adapt to them when we're together, and that freaks some people out.

The main part of my journey to recover from my last bad - and very long relationship - is rediscovering who I am. Freeing my spirit again. But I also want to tame it enough to work.

I'm also learning to not accept situations when people don't treat me well and with respect. But I have a hard time letting people know when things aren't right. I'd rather just accept their behavior and then walk away if and when it gets to be too much. This isn't right though and I'm trying to get better.

There are experiments and missteps along the journey. I've made mistakes. Many of them. Some of them end up on this blog. It's how I process problems and figure out solutions. I'll make more mistakes. I promise. And I also promise to try to deal with them better. And I hope my true friends find forgiveness if I go too far.

Here's to hoping everyone lets their spirit be free.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Sleeping through

Sleep has always been something to do when I'm tired. It usually happens between midnight and 7 in the morning - give or take an hour or two. Very rarely do I miss out on something because I'm sleeping.

Others do though. I saw it happen when I was on vacation recently.

The man in the middle seat on my flight home was chatting with the guy on the aisle who was a pilot for the airline and flying in uniform. It turned out the wife of the guy in the middle was a flight dispatcher, so they talked shop. They talked about the strange flight paths they have to take when they fly non-rev. But middle seat guy was on the flight with me because he slept through his last connection at the gate. He even told the pilot on my row he'd be asleep before the jet reached 10,000 feet.

He was right. But we were still taxiing to our runway when his head started bobbing and  the snores came. We weren't even off the ground yet and nowhere near 10k feet.

On my cruise with my friends a couple of weeks ago, one of the three of us missed a couple of evenings out because she opted for sleep. Those were some fun nights. We made some memories but she wasn't with us and we missed her. She was tired though.

I had to laugh. I was writing a blurb for a magazine about our cruise late one night. I was on the sofa with my laptop. This is what I found on my screen when I woke up:

"We have heard the term “trbe” ay times. It’sttrue ddddddddddddddddddd"

Speaking of sleep, I've missed a little sleep during my Breaking Bad marathon over the last few weeks,Sometimes sleep just isn't the top priority.We can always sleep next week.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I confess. I'm hooked.

I'm totally addicted to Breaking Bad. Facebook exploded with comments about the show every week during each season, but I had never watched it until about six weeks ago when a friend played the pilot for me.

One taste and I was hooked. I recorded the final season and planned to catch the rest of the series on Netflix.Then AMC had a marathon leading up to the series finale. the 60-odd shows filled my DVR. And it's filled my days ever since. I know I'm addicted to it because I can't make it through a day without watching one. I haven't been going out as often, so some days I can watch a couple. Sometimes I stay up too late. The way each show ends makes it hard to not start the next one.

Breaking Bad isn't just a TV show. It's an epic story that makes me question the character of everyone I know. Walt, the main character, is someone everyone liked at the beginning. Six seasons and just over a year in TV time changed everything. He changed from a desperate man trying to survive to a el diablo who also brought his wife down and put his kids in danger. It makes me wonder what lawyers really do, what's going on behind the scenes at the car wash and where my high school chemistry teacher ended up.

The show helps me understand why I tend to go for the bad boys. I adore Jesse. He's hopelessly flawed and bad luck follows him. He starts out a drug-addicted loser and turns into a hero.

There are four episodes left. Since it's a show full of unexpected twists and turns I don't know what to expect. But I'm going to sleep now and will find out soon.

Love to the single girls,
Addison