Damn it! I thought I had left ALL of the ghosts behind.

But one came back last night. And it tried to rape me. Right there in the restaurant.

My good friend and I met for sushi and to catch up on everything since I've been away. Then we walked over to the Mexican restaurant to taste some of their new red wine selections. We were sitting at the bar about halfway through a glass of malbec commenting on how empty it was except for our two friends who work there and the skeletons and goblins that decorated the place.

Then the door opened and let in a ghost. He walked straight over and hugged me. A hug like he was my boyfriend. One that was way too familiar considering I hadn't seen him in four months. I ran into him once in the neighborhood since the day my divorce was final. The say I saw - and heard - way too much of him. Speaking of doors, that whole story is in When one door opens, another closes.

For about the next hour, he followed me inside and out and to one end of the bar and the other. I moved his hand away from the inside of my thigh and pulled it out of the back of my jeans. Something tells me he wasn't concerned that my tag may be sticking out. And I pushed him away from two kisses. The whole time, my friend and the bartender kept an eye on things.

"That night was all about you, and the sex was great, Right?" he said.

"Uhm, yeah. Interesting." What's a girl to say? He really caught me off guard.

"Come with me tonight."

"No." Really? I didn't have to think about that one.

I told him I feel almost raped with the way he was touching me. He complained about how my Juliet balcony is too small. Again. Speaking of too small . . .

I may make mistakes, but I'm not dumb enough to make 'em twice. So, after he left, we started a petition to have him banned from the restaurant. The bartender stuck the petition to one of the Halloween decorations behind the bar. So maybe this place will be a ghost-free zone.

My friend and I now realize our quiet Tuesday evenings - our girls' nights - always turn into some sort of random strangeness or fun. Is it truly random or do we attract it?

Happy Halloween to the single girls,
Addison

Leaving Charleston, ghosts and Sandy behind

On this Halloween eve, as I depart charming Charleston, South Carolina, I'm leaving a few ghosts and Hurricane Sandy behind.

Here's one ghost I'm leaving. I've mae the decision to unfriend my ex on Facebook. He only has about 19 friends, so he will notice. And I know him. He will react. But I don't want him to know what I'm doing. What's on my mind. So, it's worth it.

Along that same theme, I'm leaving behind any men who don't treat me with respect and kindness.

I'm leaving Hurricane Sandy behind too. As giant as Sandy was, We were lucky that we missed it by one state. We got some wind, a day of rain and chilly temps, but that's it. None of the crazy snow and rain like the states to the north are getting. I hope it passes fast and all in its path are okay.

Speaking of hurricanes, and my two friends and I sometimes have a hurricane effect when we're together. Oh the strange looks when we walked quickly through Walmart. And the ideas we come up with together.  we're definitely a larger force together than separate. But nothing like Sandy.

I'm not leaving everything behind though. some things are coming with me. Like the chapters I wrote in my manuscript and the ideas for part of the ending.

Especially, I'm taking the friendship of two amazing women. They're beautiful and smart. And they care.

I look forward to going home to my friends and my little Luce. We all need a break and I enjoyed every moment and can't wait until our next trip in three months.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Honor

My single biggest issue with people is lack of credibility. When I say I'll do something, I do it. Or if I don't or can't for some reason, I explain why. I don't make people ask or beg. I just do it.

But others don't.

I think the old fashioned word for that is honor.

I go through phases thinking people look at me and see doormat. Especially men. It bugs me. it stresses me out when I have to chase people down. Then I feel like I'm being a total bitch

See, I did it too. When it's a woman who has to be persistent or even mean, she's a bitch. Men say to the guy next to him - "she must be on the rag" or "man, she need to be fucked." And being single makes it even worse. But when it's a man, they're just firm. No one makes it personal.

Now if someone wants to see me as a doormat, this is the design I want them to see. People who don't keep their word aren't so welcome.

Credibility is something we single girls really need. We need to be credible, as do our friends. And especially our lovers.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

  

Be yourself. All the time.

It's hard enough to friend friends and lovers who are respectful, likable and fun. But how do you surround yourself with people who are like this all the time? People who are the same when you're alone with them or when your friends are around. When you're around and when you're not.

I have one friend who's dating a guy who seems to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When she's around, he treats her like she's the center of the universe. When she's not, he's an arrogant bastard. They've broken up at least three times in the few months they've dated, so it can't be a healthy relationship. Now I refuse to be around her when he's around, and she never mentions him to me any more.

My friends are all warm, smart and sincere. Truly amazing. But I'm not so good at finding the right guys - guys that are lovers. Okay, I'm bad at it.

One of my better qualities is looking for the good in everyone. But then I overlook the bad, so it's also a weakness. 

A couple of men I've been out with since I became single are interesting and intelligent. But they have some faults. I'm not totally blind, but it takes a while for me to see these qualities since they tend to be on good behavior when it's just us. When I'm not around, sometime the bad is worse than I think.

I'm starting to learn how important it is for men to treat me the same around others as they do when it's just us. And it should always be respectful. Always. No rationalizing. No overlooking. No excuses.

I'm sure I'll make some mistakes along the way, but I learn from each one. Now I hope I can not repeat the mistakes.

All of us single girls need a partner who's genuine. Real. Consistent. Most of all, respectful - to us, to our friends, to the wait staff. To everyone. All the time. Because we deserve it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Single girls aren't evil

Last night my friends and I had an interesting conversation over dinner. All of the sudden when a girl becomes single, she's not allowed to be around married men. Married girls, yes. Single ones, no. Like that ring serves as some chastity belt or ensures their husbands can keep their pants on. One friend said after her divorce, a women even told her, "You can't talk to my husband anymore."

Really? I guess they think single girls automatically prey on any man - married or not.

My other friend told about how she had a friendly chat on Facebook with a man she had lost touch with years ago. His wife showed up at her house thinking he was having another one of his affairs. Paranoid perhaps?

We also talked about how all of the party invitations that used to come to the couple suddenly go away when you're single again. I'm probably safe there. My life was so isolated when I was married that any invitations came from my friends anyway. And they're people who know me well enough to know their husbands are safe. From me, at least.

Or maybe they believe we single girls look at it as a contest. Like we get points for every married man we conquer. By forbidding us to speak to their husbands, they're somehow knocking out all of the competition.

Trust, baby. Trust.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Trick or treat, friends and the Flinstones

This morning, my two friends and I woke up to the sound of rain falling on the deck and lake outside the house we rented. Then we all went back to sleep. What a great day stay in bed as long as we wanted - especially after last nights outing to the midnight Halloween Drag Queen show.

But it's a good thing I was so tired. Yeah, the mattresses here are squeaky slabs of concrete with a layer of foam on top. I'm so feeling for Wilma Flinstone! If anyone had sex on my bed, the entire neighborhood would hear it!

The outskirts of Hurricane Sandy kept it rainy and dreary here all day. And we had the best time ever. Once we finally dragged ourselves out of our squeaky-hard beds, we cooked breakfast together, debated the upcoming presidential election and worked on our novels. And we're still great friends!

I'm the luckiest girl on the planet. Since I've been single, I have a renewed appreciation for friends. I mean the real ones. The ones who put up with your nonsense and stupid behavior. The ones you can be moody or outgoing around. No matter what, they still love you. You stay friends in spite of all the tricks and treats and the quirks and rough edges.

And I miss my friends at home too. Tonight's the big Halloween dress up night, and I've been hearing about costume plans for days. Yesterday was one friend's birthday and tomorrow is another's. I hope the tricks and treats are the fun kind. But I'll be glad to be home for Tuesday sushi night to catch up everything.

Tonight we're having dinner at the hottest place in town. The best reservation available two weeks ago were 10 o'clock. The rain has moved on and it's a beautiful night. And we're starving!

It's a perfect night for making new memories. Make your tricks clever and your treats yummy, and tell us about them all!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

A Navy man and a gentleman

Before the drag show started last night, a tall handsome man sat next to my friend. He looked like a character out of a 1940s movie - grey slacks, white shirt and tie, and a top hat, of course. As he and my friend chatted, she learned he's an engineer in the U.S. Navy. He had such an all-American, Opie Cunningham kind of look about him. But was he gay or straight?

He had also been backstage helping the girls dress. And I'm sure they all loved having such an adorable man with them in their various stages of tucking, applying makeup and primping.

"Oh," my friend said, pointing at me. "Can she go backstage too? She's writing a book about drag queens."

"I don't know, but I can ask."

He disappeared for a few minutes and came back. "She's really nervous, but she can talk to you afterwards. She's my girlfriend. She's so good but she doesn't even know it." He was beaming.

And she was the star.

But she was even more of a star to her Navy man. Her gentleman. This part of the performance was for him - especially when she pulled the dollar bill out of his teeth with her mouth. While she performed, my other friend commented on all of the bruises on her arms. It looiked like this girl might have enjoyed a little bit of the rough stuff.

And then he was part of the show. It seemed so natural for her to grab his hand and pull her guy onto the stage, but I didn't expect him to rip his shirt off. And I really didn't expect her to cover him in blood.

In spite of the bruises and the blood, I loved seeing how proud he was of her. I only hope their relationship is a happy one. We all hope for someone in our lives to be supportive. To be proud and good to us - all of the time.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

It takes all types of single girls

The drag show was a blast. I'll confess, I don't know if these grils are single, but I'll assume some are. And these girls can deck themselves out and move around that stage better than I ever could. They seemed to really love what they were doing, and the crowd adored them.

This lady had some amazing costumes. Okay single girls, how about this dress for a first date? With this headpiece, you'd better hope they have a convertible. And who's peacock feathers would be the biggest? They'd need to be a confident, cocky bastard too to be able to handle it! She commanded the stage with her walk and also was the hostess at the end of the show - like the proud mistress.

But the girl in the green dress was a huge crowd pleaser. She knew the songs and filled out her dresses better than most girls could. And she could shake her tits better than the best.

For one of my friends, it was her first drag queen show. She definitely got her money's worth. If you've never been to a drag show, add it to your list. And do it in a city with style - New Orleans, Savannah, Charleston or San Francisco would have good ones.

But we all agreed the show was the best part of the evening. Before the girls performed, people danced. I'm not sure if it was the city or just luck, but I'm not sure if I've ever seen more people without rhythm. But they didn't lack confidence. Some hopped onto the platforms and just stood there with drink in hand and barely moved. Shake your booties people! You're in a gay bar on Halloween weekend for god's sake, loosen up and have some fun!

Wherever you go this weekend, let your hair down and shake your little groove thing!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. Come back for one more post, with vids, about last night. It's a good one.

Drag show in the old south - updated

Where else should three girls be on a Halloween weekend trip than a gay bar?

The drag show is supposed to start in 20 minutes, and I can't wait! I've seen big feather things and huge suitcases roll backstage, so I'm expecting to see some decked out southern girls tonight. And it's supposed to be the hottest place to be in the city tonight.

I tried to get us backstage to talk to the girls. I even bought Freddie the door guy his fab drink.

Research, you know.

"They're so stressed with it being so crazy on there," he said.

I looked around the corner at the near empty club and all I saw was bartenders taking pics of themselve

"Really?" I asked.

"Well it will be. And the owner's in a bad mood."

Really?

But it takes all kinds of single girls to make the world go around.

I'll be back later with pics and more.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Whispering sweet nothings and vaginas

Something stuck with me from the random fun Tuesday at the pub. It was something one of the guys said.

"Let me tell you about the girls. If you say the least bit of sweet thing in their ear, oh my god their panties will drop."

Okay, let's discuss. Perhaps girls don't hear enough sweet things. Maybe we should ignore those sweet things. Or maybe we should just have some fun.

It gets worse.

"Let me tell you about the panties I've been in. It's like putting your foot in a coffee can and doing circles. These girls have vaginas that you can yell in."

There's more . . . about it being easy . . . and comfortable . . . and a movie about a vagina with teeth. But I'll stop. Uhm, maybe he's just too small. And he has not been with me.

Girls, I have only one thing to say. No matter how sweet the whispers, don't do it!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Something to look forward to before the zombie apocalypse

We all need to look forward to something. I learned that about myself a long time ago. If there's something amazing in the future, I can get through just about anything. It doesn't matter how much the day or week sucks.

The last few weeks have been pretty bad. This morning I woke up knowing in 24 hours I would be on a jet to a short vacation. A girl trip, and it's going to be fun. We rented a house on a lake in an old south town near the Atlantic. We're going to spend four days writing and talking, then we'll eat and drink and write and talk some more.

And of course we'll explore and enjoy the town if the hurricane doesn't keep is at home. Then in the midst of it all, I'm sure my two friends will have that caring talk to make sure I'm taking care of myself and not playing just a little too much. That's okay. It's what friends are for.

A few days after getting back from that trip, I'm off for a weekend with another friend. This isn't a girl trip, and will be a delicious one. Visit again - maybe I'll share.

In spite of the fun, what warms my heart is who I get to be with over the next 10 days. I'll see three of a select few who helped me over the last three years get where I am today. They helped me be happy again.

Having something to look forward to doesn't have to be a trip. It should just be something you love. Wear a crazy Halloween costume and go to a party or a bar this weekend. And the holidays are coming soon, too. Spend a day with a friend, take a hike in the country or have a massage. Another yummy idea is lounging in bed all day - alone or with a special friend. Do nothing but lounge and enjoy. Because you deserve it.

Besides, the zombie apocalypse may just be around the corner and the end of the world could be less than two months away. Who knows what may happen tomorrow, next week or in a year. Enjoy today.

Love to the single girls and the zombies too,
Addison

Damn it, I forgot to turn off my alarm before I went to sleep

Yes my phone went off at seven o'clock this morning, after only three hours of sleep. But I was lucky. That was the worst part of the last day.

The last couple of days have been pretty bad. Okay, they sucked. I'm still fighting my friend to get the work out of him he promised, and he's given me almost every excuse possible. My pile of work is getting smaller, but it's still stressing me out to have so much of it. And last, I'm disappointed my friend isn't coming here to visit. I'm going there instead.

So I needed some fun.

What started out to be a quiet dinner and drink with my friend turned into something far from quiet. Our duo turned to a foursome at the pub. Then it grew to about 15, including a couple of friends I don't see often. Our table on the patio was definitely the cool place to be last night.

I drank way too much wine, and we ended up playing Never Have I Ever, the bar game where each person holds up five fingers and admits stuff about themselves they would never dream of revealing without too much alcohol and getting caught up in the game. Each person makes a statement like "never have I ever attended high school in another country" or "never have I ever had sex on or in my current car" or "never have I ever had sex with two people of the opposite sex at the same time." Anyone who has puts a finger down. The one with no fingers left up loses. Or maybe they win, depending on how you look at it. Then we walk away from the game knowing we've all shared - and know - just a little too much.

Spending time with my good friend and hanging out with other friends cheered me up. The same problems from yesterday are still there, but I'm just dealing with them with a little smile on my face.

On this happy Wednesday, I'll leave you with a random visual. Grownups throwing a giant, inflatable football at a small blow-up goalpost. It's what I just saw in the park while I was jogging.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Old ghosts, karaoke and Buddha

Last night was going to pretty quiet. I expected a quick visit to the cultural festival in the park and quiet drink at the pub then dinner with my friend.

But it was far from quick or quiet, and I think this little guy had a whole lot to do with it.

Well, the only part that was quick was our sprint through the cultural fair since I got back in town so late. We spent most of our 20-minute sprint shopping and caught a few seconds of belly dancing in between until this little statue lured us up another sidewalk.

He lead us to a booth displaying various wooden statues, scarves and jewelry. He spoke to my friend, and she bought him. Although she's not Buddhist (and neither am I), she grew up with a similar statue in her home and wanted to continue the tradition.

When we got to the pub, our purchases in hand, a few people commented on the statue with its head peaking out of a plastic grocery store bag.

Then it happened. He, along with lots of help from my friends, helped me gather the courage to destroy an old ghost. The flowers from the top of my wedding cake are now gone. My final purge.

This is where karaoke comes in. We grabbed some dinner and walked over to a bar I had never been to for karaoke night. And the little statue did its work again. It gave my friend the courage to sing I'm Just a Girl by No Doubt, and I hope he helped her destroy an old ghost too. The one that leaves her petrified to sing in front of a crowd. She's beautiful and has a great voice. What's there to be afraid of? Some of the people in the group sing in bars all the time, so karaoke is no big deal. Besides some of the other performances were just plain painful.

Now I have a decision to make and need him to give me courage to make the right choice. I know I can, but I'm not sure I will. I can always rationalize it's the right thing. Some old ghosts are just too hard to let go of.

One thing I am very certain of, it will take a hell of a lot more than alcohol and Buddha to get me to sing karaoke. Like I told a friend when he said, "Next time, we'll get you up there to sing."

"No thanks. I'll just be your publicist when you make it big." That's one thing I don't need extra courage to do.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Lady bug new beginnings

This morning I was stopped at a red light  on my way back from a client meeting and thinking about what to have for lunch. I know, deep, right?  When I glanced out the window, I saw this beautiful lady bug sitting on my rear view mirror. 

While watching her rest there, I remembered today is the four-month anniversary of my divorce.

When 2012 started, I never dreamed I'd be where I am today. Experienced the life I've lived in just a few months since this journey started. The discoveries, mistakes and fun. Most of all, I never imagined I'd have such good friends in my life now. I'm grateful and very lucky.

I felt a connection to the lady bug. I'm not sure when she joined the short journey we had together, but she traveled with me long enough to end up in a new place. 

Lady bugs have always fascinated me. Their bright-colored wing covers with the black spots are pretty but strong, and they can cling onto something as smooth as the review mirror on a moving car, and the wind never phases them. Then, when they're ready, they open up their pretty wing covers and fly away.

Okay, I'm assuming the lady bug is a she, and I hope she ended up in a good place.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

My final purge

Tonight I took an important step. And my friends helped.

I had told my good friend about one last remnant of my marriage. Something material. Something that needed to be destroyed.

"Go get it," she said.

"Now?"

"Yes, we'll help you." she said. "There are no douche bags here now."

So I did. I took the three minute walk from the pub to my apartment to get the silver box. The one holding the flowers from the top of my wedding cake. The not-so-delicate blossoms made of sugar from all those years ago.

Together we crushed, stomped on and smashed each sweet flower. All that was left was a powdery white mess on the brick sidewalk.

In the true spirit of Halloween, I think it was my last ghost. Now it's gone, and I feel good.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Are we ever too old to go hog wild?

Yesterday I was talking to a friend whose daughter just started college while I was driving the couple of hours to visit my niece who also just started her freshman year. All of the college talk took to me back to my own college days.

Those were a fun four years. I did get way out of hand a few times, but I wasn't one of the girls who went totally out of control the first time the parents weren't around. I was the one with the car, so someone had to keep it together.

I remember the feeling of freedom though. And talking to my friend made me realize I'm feeling the same again now. Like I've just broken away from strict parents and am experiencing life for the first time.  It's sometimes scary and sometimes that dizziness you get when you step off one of those amusement park rides that shake your brain sets in. It's just enough to get the adrenalin going. The right amount to be fun.

Now that a few months have passed, I realize how under my ex's thumb I was.The fire in my heart and soul had burned out. But being away from him has made that fire come back.

And I'm doing my share of going hog wild like I was in college again. I've got some years to make up for!

The beautiful thing is that now I have money, and I have wisdom. Both help me have more fun in new and interesting places and ways. They also keep me out of trouble. I know now how to take it almost to the edge without falling over.

I play. I experiment. I learn. And I figure out what to never do again. Which guys are good for me and which ones are the bad boys who will take but never give. Which girls are strong, independent and together women who will be supportive friends and which ones are just a mess.

My friend phrased this stage in my life as a journey. She's right. I'm remembering who I am and testing the waters of who I want to be. And I love this journey. Single or not, I hope to always keep discovering and never become too comfortable with who and where I am. That's when boring has set in.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I saved $250

But did I do the right thing?

So there I was, in one of the city's finest shopping malls with a $50 gift card to Solstice when I got the urge to buy a pair of shades to match my car. They had to be red and they had to be sporty.

Narrowing down the choices to red limited the selection by a lot. And I liked them all. The first ones were amazing. Sophisticated. Fun. Dior. Expensive. I put them back in their spot on the wall.

Then I looked at some others that were also pretty awesome, sportier and less expensive and narrowed it down to a Carrera pair. But I couldn't forget the Diors. Three guys were also there shopping, so I did a test. I tried on one then the other.

One liked the Dior. "They're more for a girl," he said.

The other two liked the sportier pair - especially when I told them the price difference.

Then I told them why I wanted new shades. "They're to match my Porsche."

"You have a Porsche? And it's red?" one of them asked. Then all of the fingers pointed to the sportier pair.

So I bought them and saved $250. Did I make the right choice?

Happy shopping to the single girls,
Addison

The 5 worst things about being a single girl

I know. I write endlessly about how fabulous it is to be single. But I have to be realistic. In my seven months on my own, there are just a few drawbacks to the perfect single-girl life.

5. No one immediately at hand to ask, "does my butt look good in these?"

4. When I fall asleep on the sofa, there's no one wake me up (unless Lucy walks on me).

3.  I have to make all of the decisions. Go out, stay in, what to eat, when and where, TV on or off, when to wake up and when to go to sleep (if I do at all). All these decisions get so confusing!

2. There's absolutely not a soul to check with or ask permission when I want to take a little trip.

1. It's day 3 and I still can't open this stupid On The Border salsa jar. I could walk down my hallway and knock on doors to ask for help. Or I could even take it over to one of the restaurants closeby so one of the hunky guys can show off their strength. But I'm too proud. I'd rather use a hammer.

Even with this horrible side of being on my own, I wouldn't trade it for anything at this point in my life.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

How far would you go for a pretend husband?

Today I let go of the last tidbit of my pretend, three-week marriage. It was my Dallas Cowboy cheerleader outfit.

Every single girl should have a crazy sexy outfit. At least for a while.

So here's the story. On Labor Day weekend under a beautiful sunset on the lake, I got married. Pretend married. During our pretend vows, my pretend husband said "I do."

"Do you take this man . . . " yada yada, the boat captain said.

"Sure," I said.

For days I took grief from him for my aloof "sure" answer. A couple of days later, we were sitting at the pub. His answer to everything was "sure." Would you like another drink? Sure. Can I have a cigarette? Sure. Wanna climb Mt. Everest? Sure.

"All you could say was sure?" he said to me.

"I'm sorry. It's done. I can't take it back. What can I do to make up for it?" I said.

He smiled. "Wear a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfit."

"That's all?" I asked. So I ordered one. Why not? It could be my Halloween costumer since I'm sure I'd frighten myself and small children in it.

And I was right. The outfit was obscene - especially the top. A bikini would have been safer. It wasn't bad if I didn't move. But moving meant I'd flash whoever was looking. And if I raised my arms, my boobs would fall out. I don't even think lingerie tape would have done the trick. There just wasn't enough fabric. The sleeves had waaaayyy more material than the top.

Unfortunately, all my pretend husband saw was this picture of it. I don't mind getting a little daring, but I could never wear it outside my apartment.

Now I have the fond memories of my pretend marriage and my pretend days as a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I popped a balloon and became Cinderella

Today I had a shoe emergency.

During an all-day customer conference hosted by one of my clients, a breakout session speaker asked us all to pop balloons to illustrate a point in his presentation.

All I have to say is popping a balloon with your heel isn't a good idea. How could a girl know? I'd never done it before. It's latex and air. What could go wrong?

A heel could break off. And on my favorite shoes.

Luck was on my side. The conference was in a hotel. The hotel was in a shopping mall - the very mall with the Nordstrom where I bought the shoes in the first place last year. And I was even luckier. I knew they had the shoes again this year because I had already gotten them in another color.

When the session finished, I whipped out my phone and dialed up the Nordstrom shoe department. The sales lady was mortified when I told her what had happened. She checked their stock and only had one color in my size. I snagged them in taupe.

There I was, Cinderella waiting for the perfectly fitted shoe.

Okay, maybe the woman wasn't my handsome prince, but she did bring them to me. She found me, the girl with one shoe. And that was a good thing. I had already ridden the escalator and almost fell on my ass, so I wasn't looking forward to walking through the mall wearing one five-inch platform.

And she ordered a replacement for my ailing black pair - one of the last two available in the entire United States. And those will be delivered to my home. Maybe by my handsome prince?

We all deserve to star in our own fairy tale, and any tale is good as long as there's a happy ending.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Living alone, working from home

Working on my own never scared me. What petrified me was living alone and working at home.

But I'm not afraid anymore. It's been seven months since I moved out and started living alone. Working at home isn't bad at all.

In fact, I like it.

I can start working as soon as I wake up and stop when I want. Or I can take a day off and make up for it on the weekend or whenever. I can throw laundry in, work out, cook, play and work my ass off whenever I want. Best of all, I can do a conference call straight out of the shower. If they only knew i was in a towel. And what would we do without mute on our phones? Yesterday I had calls for two hours straight. A girl's gotta pee sometimes!

There are so many fun things I've done during work hours like taking off at 3 for the season's last visit to the fair. What better thing to do on a Tuesday? That doesn't mean I don't work hard. Yesterday I stayed in all day and worked. Lots. But it was worth it.

If you've been reading this blog, you know I'm rarely lonely. To make the work-at-home thing work, I make lunch or dinner plans one or two times a week. I have my hair and nails done during work hours and treat myself to a massage on occasion.

With a phone, laptop and wifi, the beautiful thing is that any place can be an office. And everyone has a Starbucks around the corner when human interaction is most needed. The pub down the block is where I go for a change of scenery. I've done some of my best writing on my novel there.

You have to know yourself and have drive and discipline. I work and play hard so it works. Whether you work for a company or yourself, try working at home. You may never go back.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

A single girl's nightmares

This cigar creature has given me nightmares since my visit to the state fair a couple of weeks ago. Isn't it one of the ugliest things? And people pay money to win this!

Last night was my second and final fair visit for the year, and my friend and I searched the whole Midway to find the ugly cigar again. While we looked, we ran across this human-sized angry habanero pepper that's pretty frightening too.

But even worse was what the guy working the game booth where the cigar was. What he said will give me nightmares.

"Come play and you can take it home. If you don't win, you can take me home."

I snapped the picture. Fast.

As my friend and I walked away, he said, "I guarantee you'll take something home - either that or me."

Uh, no thanks.

Giant cigars and creepy men aren't my only monsters. Last night's nightmares were all about the work I owe a client. I'm way behind on this one client and can't seem to catch up. In my dreams, I had to go to their office and do the work. I was there at the big corporate accounting firm for days. They wouldn't let me leave. Then I woke up and it was over. I hope. Maybe the fact I stopped working at 3 o'clock yesterday so we could go to the fair caused the nasty dreams?

Being in an office building every day would be the worst punishment possible since I work from home and love it. Stop back by in the morning for a new post on working from home. It'll be good. Promise.

My last big nightmare - well, it hovers between sweet dreams and nightmares - is about my friend who's supposed to come for a visit in a few weeks. If he does visit, it will be an amazing, delicious weekend. What causes the nightmares is if he doesn't and what it will do to me and our relationship.

But maybe it's the fried food I ate at the fair that caused all of the nightmares. It was a Tornado Sweet Tater along with the Divine Chocolate Tres Leche Cake and the PB&J&B sandwich (fried Elvis as my friend calls it) that my friend and I shared. Yum. At least I made the 60 inch height cut for the rides by 2 3/4 inches - the very reason I'm almost always in heels. A few women didn't, and I would've had nightmares if it had happened.

With the fair leaving town and Halloween around the corner, I hope to leave these and all monsters behind.

Sweet dreams to the single girls,
Addison

Getting rid of the stench

This morning I was jogging through the park where I run every day. People are cleaning up the last bits of stage and other remains of Shakespeare in the park that ended on Sunday. When I passed by the spot where the porta potties were, the stench was still there. Someone carried them off yesterday but there it was. The stink from everything everyone had left there for weeks still hung in the air.

There are places and things everywhere that trigger memories. And sometimes the good ones turn bad; leave that foul oder behind you can't get rid of. It happens to everyone. It takes time for the air to clear from anything unpleasant like a breakup.

Whatever you do, don't just get used to the stench. No one wants the smell of porta potties lingering around wherever they go. Replace it with good memories. Talk, write, sing, draw it - anything to let it out so it doesn't explode inside of you. That's what I did in my blog yesterday called Breakup sex.

In time there will be new restaurants that hold special memories. Thoughts of different vacation spots where you've had adventures with friends or a lover will replace the old ones. And when you put that sweater or pair of earrings on he gave you (assuming you didn't burn them!), you won't have that bitter taste in your mouth. Instead you'll see them as things to wear that make you even more fabulous.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Breakup sex

I told my friend something the other day that I've never told anyone. Come to think of it, no one's ever asked before. She asked if my ex and I stopped having sex when our marriage started falling apart. Truth is, if that had been the case, I'm not sure we would have ever consummated the marriage. But that's another blog (or 50). The answer is yes. It was teh only way to keep the peace, especially in the last couple of years, until I figured out how to leave.

We had sex my last night there. I didn't want to. After everything he had done. It repulsed me. He repulsed me. But I was too exhausted to care. As much as I've tried to forget it happened, I can't. It actually helped to say it. Now writing about it will help me move on.

I had been packing and working and working and packing. Trying to get everything done without my family or my clients knowing anything was up. My friends were too weirded out to come to my house, so I didn't bother asking. He barely helped. I had a goal so I just got it done, but wore myself out.

I told him no. I was too tired to move. He said it didn't matter. And I didn't move. But I did hurt, and it still does.

That night summed up the marriage. It was all about him. He knew it would be a while before another woman would be in that bed so he wanted one last one to hold him over. He didn't care how I felt. What I wanted. I don't think he even gave a crap it was me. Even now I can't think of a situation when breakup sex is a good idea. If there is, please share.

The next morning, the movers came and I was gone. Starting my new, happy life as a single girl.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I have to be home with my goats

A couple of weeks ago, a friend had a cocktail party at her house for a bunch of girls who used to work at the same company. A bit of a conversation between my friend and a woman I had never met before grabbed my attention from across the living room.

"I have to be home with my goats," is what she said to the person interviewing her. Then she went on to tell more about the job interview. I had to interrupt.

"Wow. I've never heard anyone say those words before."

She laughed. The job required her to be away from home, and her goats, more than she wanted. She didn't take it.

Besides making me laugh my ass off at the moment, what she said really stuck with me.

Too many single girls (and boys too) don't like to be alone. And way too many settle for a boyfriend just to have someone to come home to. 

Just in the last couple of weeks, I found one friend almost in tears in the pub. Her boyfriend left her alone on a Saturday night. He made his own plans that didn't include her. But he forgot to fill her in. That behavior is a deal breaker. But a couple of days later they were back together like nothing happened. They don't live together, but it's one of those almost 24/7 relationships. She's in the middle of a divorce and is right back into a bad relationship.

Another friend is in one of those 24/7 relationships. Well, 24/7 except for the weeks her boyfriend decides to disappear. Yep, he leaves her alone. Completely. They've broken up three times already because of his bad behavior in the few months they've been dating. And these are the only times her friends see her. She blows us off to hang out with him the rest of the time. Her friend is planning a birthday party for her, but at least two girls have declined already. They think she'll hang out with him instead of showing up for her own party.

These guys are douche bags, but the girls take them back. It's easy to see from the outside, but it's hard for some of us to recognize when it's right in our faces. We have a habit of rationalizing the bad behavior just to have a guy around. But girls don't realize these douche bags bring us down to their level.

Being alone is better. I'm living proof.

We have to be comfortable alone before a relationship can be successful. We have to love ourselves. Eat in a restaurant alone. Take a break during the day for a movie - the one YOU want to see. Stay home one Saturday night and sip a glass of wine while painting your nails and catching up on Jersey Shore or So You Think You Can Dance or whatever guilty pleasure makes you happy.

There are much worse things than being alone.

Kelly Clarkson sings it in her song Stronger, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone."

And if you want to come home to a warm body, get a pet. A cat, a dog, a ferret, a guinea pig or even a goat brings loads more pleasure than a douche bag. I have Lucy. And, if you take care of friendships, good friends are always a call or text away. I couldn't make it without them.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Sunshine smiles

One nice smile and I totally melt. All it takes is a smile and the inner bitch I'm working so hard to find is dead. Even when I need her most.

Last night I talked to a freelancer who's doing some work for me. I really, really, really want him to finish it. Soon. It's taken him almost three months already, so I walked up to him and told him what I want. He agreed and promised to deliver. But he has before. And hasn't. I had plans to be a little bitchy about it. Demanding. Like the shrewd business woman I am.

But then he smiled, and my inner bitch died just like sunlight killing a vampire. Of course it didn't help that we had a tiny romance since he started the project. Come to think of it, I think the smile pulled me in then too.

Yes, smiles get me into trouble. But it's mostly because I do it a lot. Probably more than I should. I always have - even during my braces period in junior high school. I have one of those big, top and bottom teeth smiles. One night I was listening to a band in a club. While sitting on my barstool, I danced along with a song I liked and smiled. I didn't even think about it until a girl friend snapped at me.

"Stop smiling," she said.

"No. I like to smile." I kept smiling and she didn't say anything else about it. That was a first.

A good friend said she's seen me occassionally say something really catty to someone else, but I always have a smile on my face when I'm saying it. I never realized I did that. She says it's a good thing. I guess a smile can be a secret weapon.

My accidental secret weapon does something else I didn't realize. I think my smile must say "I want you" to some men. I really don't come on to men. They come on to me. All I do is listen and smile. Really.

If we all smiled more often then people would be used to it. Girls wouldn't be annoyed by it and guys wouldn't take a smile as an open invitation to a girl's bedroom. So go ahead, warm someone's day with your smile.

But, smiles make me melt, too.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

TV and the single girl

Last night I had dinner with a group of writers and illustrators. In our professional-acquaintance small talk, we got on the topic of TV programs we watch.

This was a group of creative folks, and the TV shows reflected it. I heard talk of Downton Abbey and a few current sitcoms like Parks and Recreation. But most of them were Trekkies and Whovians. One women even got pulled over on her way home from a Star Trek convention, but her costume wasn't enough to get her out of a speeding ticket. She should have said, "I'm sorry, officer. I was going warp speed. Captain's orders."

But no one shared my passion for Mad Men, the music and dance shows like X Factor and The Voice, or my all-time fav series, Sex and the City. Oh well, I had one up on them though because I'm the only one who had a Dr. Who Tardis dress. And when they saw a picture of it, one man, who also happens to make elaborate costumes, suggested I wear it as my Halloween costume.

Coming off a marriage to a cable news junkie, I rarely turn on my TV. We used to have to watch The O'Reilly Factor during dinner every night, which meant any conversation we had was limited to the length of a commercial break. My TV hasn't been to a cable news station since. Even during this election season. I get my news from other places. I just want the hard facts, so screw the commentary. I'll make up my own mind. Please don't judge me.

It's interesting how people measure others up by their TV and what they do and don't watch on it. I know so many people who don't even own a television, and they sometimes sound a tad intellectually pious when they talk about it. If they want to watch something, they do so on their computer. Makes sense. I also know people whose faces - and sometimes words - judge people for what they watch or don't watch.

A couple of people have even asked me how I can stand such a small TV. It's 32 inches. It's brand spankin' new, and I can see it perfectly from my bed upstairs. How big of a screen do I need in a 900 square foot loft?

TV is mainly for entertainment. Entertainment is an escape. A break from work. The mundane of every day. A few minutes for us to rest our brains. Or stretch them. Laugh. Cry. Get lost in a the story of someone else's life. To me, our choice of TV shows, music and movies is personal. I applaud any choice - whether it be Jersey Shore, Ax Men, cable news, Nurse Jackie, Downton Abbey, Housewives of wherever or nothing at all.

Just enjoy!

Love to the single girls,
Addison  

Drowning in bullshit

Last night I needed a little more of an evening out. A little time with my neighborhood friends to unwind after a crazy week. And a few minutes with my real friend after coming back from my dinner commitment.

But from the moment I walked into the pub, I was immersed in bullshit. I mean, the real stuff. Dished out by people who aren't complete strangers.

I probably should have just gone home right after my first conversation, but my friend wasn't there yet.

"He's confused. He thinks I'm his mom," I said.

"No, a MILF," he said.

It must have been my expression that prompted him to clarify. "I meant it as a compliment."

Really? Bullshit. I'm not an M, and he'd better get used to the IL part of the acronym, because he'll never F me.

One girl told me about her quest to get her slightly younger male friend laid. He said he wasn't interested in putting out any effort. In fact he said he was only interested if it fell in his lap. Bullshit. She's got her work cut out for her. With his attitude and for the girl who falls in his lap's sake, I hope it doesn't happen.

Then another guy told me about fracturing his finger stick fighting. He talked on and on about how clever he was by figuring out how to keep working out while his finger healed by using exercise bands. I listened. The entire time sweat marks developed down the middle of the front and back of the shirt he bulged out of. By the way, it was his pinky finger. Of course.

Then a guy I went out with once about four months ago sat down next to me, grabbed my hand, started stroking my leg and said, "You're so pretty." Really? I didn't go out with him a second time because he put me in a headlock in the pub one night. Even if he was drunk and just playing around, headlocks are always bullshit.

And there was more, but if I keep going you'll all think I'm making it up. So I'll stop. It's all true. Every bit. I am thankful for the people who were - and always are - interesting, friendly and bullshit-less.

I hope you're having a bullshit-free weekend.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Sleepless in Manhattan

Tonight I'm thankful I don't live in Manhattan. I don't think I'd ever sleep.

I'm at home now, but just got back from dinner with a professional acquaintance who's visiting from NYC, or actually lives in Brooklyn and works in the publishing industry in NYC. Over delish enchiladas and tacos, we talked about single life. What else would a girl who lives in Manhattan want to eat - or talk about - outside of Manhattan?

She told me the bars there don't close until 4 a.m. Then you can go straight from your lemon drop martini to brunch where you can sip on mimosas. Does anyone ever sleep?

But she's not single. In the eight years she and her husband have lived there, she's never stayed out until the early morning hours. Ever. And they don't even have kids? What's she thinking?

But she's single now. Well, sort of. Her husband is in LA, only two weeks into a film editing job for a new TV series. So, tonight she agreed to live the Manhattan single girl life just one night while she's at home alone.

I wonder if she'll really do it. She asked what excuse she and her friends would have to stay out. What would they celebrate? I suggested celebrating being able to stay out all night. Just because they can.

While Manhattan wouldn't be good for me every day, I can certainly visit. And stay out all night just once. Because I can.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Ha! I put a vid on Socialcam

It's my first and a big step. I'm a writer so I'll always stay behind the camera. I probably won't do many but will every once in awhile. When the mood strikes.

Take a look if you're curious. It's on Socialcam under Addison Story.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Desperate grocery run!

It's officially an emergency. I'm either out of or very critically low on all five things this single girls must have to survive. All at the same time.

These are all of the things I need to wake up in the morning and get through the day.

5. Coffee. I have to have it as soon as I wake up, especially after those late nights when I have to get up and be productive at a decent hour. Hey, I work from home so I can't stop at Starbucks on the way to work. I grind my own and love the flavored beans. Snickerdoodle, French vanilla and anything with chocolate in the name are my favs, and the aroma does as much for me as the coffee itself.

4. Half and half. Yes, I have to have my H&H in my coffee. And I get the fat free kind, not that it makes that much difference.

3. Water. I confess. My name is Addison, and I buy water. I know it comes out of the tap, but I like distilled. Not spring or purified, but pure water. When I was with my ex, we had a machine that distilled our water, but I lost that one in the divorce so now I buy it by the gallon.

2. Wine. I love to have a glass of red wine at the end of the day, and I want to have wine on hand for guests. I usually go for a Cabernet or Pinot Noir. I'm not a wine snob, so I like just about anything that tastes good. 

1. TP. This ain't no bachelor pad, so I gotta have toilet paper. A box of tissues will do for a time or two, but single girls have to have TP.

That's my whole emergency list, and I'm buying it all. Now.

Before anyone panics, I know batteries are missing. My Lelo Gigi vibrator doesn't need batteries. It's plugs in to recharge, so I'm only out of luck in a power outage.
I don't know if you noticed, but every critical item is liquid - plus the TP you need when you drink liquid! Yeah, I'm low on food, especially fruits and veggies, but that can wait. There are nine restaurants within a five minute walk from my front door. I won't starve.

Talk to y'all later. I gotta do this quick grocery run before I can even think about starting the weekend!

What causes your emergency shopping trip?

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Single girl interrupted

I just came in from my run and I'm drenched. Not from sweat but from rain. It's been overcast and dry since yesterday. During the 30 minutes I take a break, the clouds decide to open up. My iPod ended up stuffed in my shorts to stay dry so Avril Lavigne wouldn't get interrupted too. Guess I picked up a little of Avril's anger along the way (Sorry!). But I finished anyway - even my extra two laps I added yesterday to get my happy weight down.

The interruptions all started when William Shakespeare took over the park. I had to reroute to avoid the fences. I think ole Bill and his crew pack up after this weekend. I hope doesn't rain on them too.

And my clients are another huge interruption - especially to my social life. I've hardly had one. October 1st hit and now everyone needs something. Fast. So I get up and write then write more until I fall asleep at night. Do they not understand that their news releases, blogs, articles and media pitches can wait? This single girl has places to go. I've gotta get out a little before the walls close in and my head explodes! And I'm missing my good friend. I've spent more time with her dog than with her lately.

I'm still happy. It takes a hell of a lot more than rain, fences and work to mess with me. The rain dries and the extra money will come in handy for that tropical trip I'm going to plan soon.

And I'm squeezing in a little time every day to share with all of you as well as working a little on my novel. I think I'll venture out for a bit after I finish my work tonight. All single girls need a night out.

So y'all, tell me something good from your world!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

My happy weight

This single girl has officially reached her happy weight. But it's about seven pounds more than I want it to be.

Over the last couple of years as my marriage was falling apart, I got skinny (for me at least). While I tried to figure things out, I hit some pretty low points. I stopped feeling. Food had no flavor, and I had to make myself eat. And I usually love good food. At the lowest points, I got down below my high school weight. My ass might have been smaller, but I felt like shit.

If you've been reading my blog, you know I'm in a good place now. In fact, I'm pretty fucking happy. What would be even better is to lower my happy weight a little. I'm not obsessing about it, but I absolutely can't bulge out of the three pairs of skinny pants I bought recently. And I want to feel good about myself next time someone sees me with those skinny pants off.

Since I've been single, I exercise more and eat much healthier - lots of fruits and veggies, few carbs or sweets, and very little red meat.

And I eat salads every day.

When I'm happy, I like food. My problem is outside of meals. If I'm at happy hour at a Mexican restaurant, it's tough to turn down that frozen Margarita and the chips and salsa - yum. I'm hungry on those late nights when I get home after 2 a.m. Of course. Anyone would have the munchies six or seven hours since eating last.    

But if I have to eat one more plate of lettuce like the one I'm eating now, I think I will turn into a sheep. Seriously, I chew the greens and feel like I'm in the middle of a flock chomping on grass. Even with veggies, boiled egg, a little avocado and tasty low-cal dressing, it's still just a plate of lettuce.  

So, to move my happy weight down a bit, I added two extra laps around the park to my run today. Next time, I'll have red wine instead of the margarita. I'll skip snacks between meals and make myself go straight to bed without stopping in the kitchen after a night of partying.

But what to do about lunch? What else is there to eat for lunch that's filling, tasty and healthy too? What more can a single girl do to lower her happy weight? Help!

Love to the single girls,
Addison