Couldn't stop walking

I'm in love with the scenery and architecture on this tropical island. I struck out to explore about nine o'clock this morning and, except for a short breakfast break and a stop for late lunch when I found out it was mojito happy hour, I didn't stop until after six.

The mix of 18th century forts and more modern bright Carribean architecture is striking. And the scenery is still beautiful in the rain. Since the  city sat under overcast skies all day, what better way to spend my time than exploring.

I kept planning to head back to the hotel but I would turn a corner and see another beautiful street. Down each street were colorful houses or the go Warner's mansion or clusters of stray cats of some new view of the Atlantic. I can capture the sights in photos but I can only remember the frageant flowers and the waves crashing on the rocks. 

I got a work email from my least favorite client asking me to so something for her today. This is her last day there because of the layoff of one, and she knows O'm on vacation. I ignored her. What's she going to so, fire me?

After such an amazing day, it was siesta time. I think this single girl's face would've ended up in my dinner plate without it. That would've been very embarrassing since I tried the town's finest restaurant, and it was delish. I chatted with the waiter and chef but didn't meet anyone else there. I was surrounded by couples who didn't seem interested in meeting others. One was very young and looked like they were celebrating. When the girl got up to go to the bathroom, the guy snapped a pic of the check. He seemed very proud of his investment. Another couple seemed like travelers and the girl complained about her feet hurting through most of dinner. She was wearing super high heels that I can't imagine walking in on these cobblestone sidewalks. I felt sorry for the guy - he seemed very concerned about her. Then the other couple must've been locals. They were older and seemed very into themselves.

I have to say, it's more fun to sit at the bar in a restaurant rather than a table where it can feel isolated. The night before I met two men - one an American transplant and another here on on his last night of a long business trip. They were both regulars and knew the bartender well. The guy traveling on business stayed and talked for a while. We talked about dating and exes and work and traveling and our appreciation for a good single malt scotch. So we had one. I enjoyed the scotch and him. Then he suggested walking me back to my hotel.

"It would be safer," he said. It would have been at least a mile in the opposite direction of where he was staying so I'm not sure my safety was as much of a concern as pleasure.

I assured him that between the cops everywhere and my pepper spray, I would be fine. Of course, he just finished helping to convict corrupt cops. It was tempting. 

I wrote this two days ago and have had such an amazing time I didm't get to finish it until now while sipping coffee. I'm in the coffee house the nice native gentleman who walked me to the castle this morning. He was from a family of coffee growers and was very proud of his home island - and especially proud of the island's coffee, so I couldn't leave without enjoying some

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Rain and rats; cats and beauty

These are just a few observations from my first four hours in this tropical paradise.

When I stepped out of the cab at my hotel I got drenched. Head to toe in spite of the tall porter's big umbrella. But that's okay. The hotel is gorgeous - an historic convent with a beautiful courtyard. A hair dryer and a quick change of clothes was all I needed. And the sweet calico cat with a chunk of ear missing that met me on my floor helped too. 

Yes, the tropics. There's a can of Raid in my room. The cats here must be very satisfied. As I walked down the narrow street where many of the restaurants are located two rats scurried across the cobblestone sidewalk into a building.

The porter left me with a long list of restaurants, bars and clubs that will keep me busy the four nights I'm here. They all sound great and I can't wait to try them all. The bars don't close until about 4 in the morning. This should be fun.

I'm sitting here at a restaurant NOT on my list though. The one I had my taste buds primed for decided to close just after nine. What? In a place where people don't start thinking about dinner until at least eight. They weren't busy enough, but their sister restaurant next door is open. They sold me hard to eat here.

"Table for one," I said. 

Then they tried to seat me in a dark corner at the end of a long table set for three. A couple was sitting on the other end already. The lit end. They didn't want me to take a table for four, so I opted for the bar. 

No single girl should have to sit in the corner just because they're alone. 

I look forward to exploring this beautiful place in the light of day. Alone.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Spreading my wings

Today I'm making good on a promise to myself. I'm taking a little vacation. Alone. Spreading my wings.

I have no expectations for this trip except to relax, have a little fun and create new memories in a place I've never been before. 

I also don't plan to look for or find love but I'd enjoy meeting some interesting people.

For the next five days I don't plan to make any major decisions besides which beach to lounge on and whether to drink a mojito or some other rum deliciousness.  My brain needs a break.

Some of my friends are envious of my trip alone and some think I'm strange. One doesn't believe me that I'm going alone - he thinks I'm meeting someone there. He should know me better than that by now. Then he suggested the trip is my liberation.  Maybe he does know me. 

It's my sunrise I guess you could say.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Friend evolution

Memorial Day weekend marked the time in my new single life when I started meeting people. A year ago the first friend surfaced, and once I met him the others followed.

Over the last year I've met some interesting people who live or hang out in my neighborhood. They include a child actor, the vocal coach of an American idol top five, musicians, artists and entrepreneurs - all in addition to their full-time jobs. Others are just creative, smart and amazing people. Some have potential but just need a boost in the right direction while others don't give a shit.

A few are ignorant douchebags. 

I'm always a give-them-the-benefit-of--the-doubt kinda girl. And I've done a lot of that over the last year.

The first friend I made here was arrested - twice - a few nights ago. One arrest was for public intoxication when he tried to smash through a restaurant door then threatened the manager's family then the second time when he came back and tried to bail his girlfriend out. And last summer she was outgoing and fun. Now she's afraid of her shadow, and her shadow's so tiny now since she chooses drink over food so often. Another couple of girls I hung out with last summer started out fun, after a month or two of knowing them, they're not normal. Well, I'm no shrink, but they do seem to have psychotic tendencies. I hope they keep taking their meds.  

Douchebags are equally distributed between women and men, and money and education don't seem to have much to do with it. It all boils down to character. After the bad luck with relationships I've had in the past. I don't like myself when I'm around some people, so I choose only to be around people who make me a better person.

Last night three friends sipped delish mojitos with me as a vacation sendoff, and I enjoyed every moment. Time is way to precious to spend it with people you don't enjoy.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Never know when you can save a life

Today's jog turned out to be a lifesaving one - not for me but for a little squirrel.

Have you ever seen a squirrel swim? I hadn't either until today. Seeing it paddle through the pond made me stop and watch. It's little feet were moving so fast. But the faster it paddled, the further away from the end of the pond opposite where it might have gotten out it got. I tried to scare the little guy into turning around so it could find safety, but it still kept swimming toward the end with no place to crawl out.

I jogged another lap and didn't see it that round. I was glad because the park's so well manicured I couldn't find a stick to make a little bridge for it without having to saw one off a tree myself. I hoped it had crawled its way to safety.

Next time around, I spotted it still paddling down the pond. The little critter looked exhausted and desperate. Pulling that wet fur coat and tail couldn't have been easy. It wouldn't have made it much longer, so I walked back up the path and found a broken construction barricade that might make the perfect little ladder.

When I slid it into the pond, the furry critter grabbed the metal frame and crawled up before I got it completely in place. The little guy was so drained it didn't mind me being so close. Or maybe, like that feeling we all have sometimes around certain people, he knew it was a safe place.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. It may be too late to save lives in Moore, Oklahoma where the tornado left such devastation, but I did make a donation this morning to the American Red Cross equal to a day's income. Maybe the little bit of money can help give someone hope.

Uncomfortable

Some people just don't get it. They keep opening their mouths knowing they're crossing a line.

The other night, I was on the pub patio enjoying a nice spring night with my friends. The guy who stared at my tits to the point I had to walk away at my friend's birthday party a few weeks ago was there at another table. Then he sat down right next to me. We said hello and I continued with the conversation facing the other direction.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him staring at me. He'd look at me then look away then look again and look away. It was the same scenario as a couple of weeks ago - like a tennis match. It had to stop.

I turned around to him. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"I don't know," he said. "I try not to."

"It makes me really uncomfortable. Please stop."

He apologized. Then he apologized again "for everything we've been through."

"Thank you," I said. "But we haven't 'been through' anything."

He even asked if we were still friends and extended his hand to shake it. "If you'll stop staring at me," I answered. This is the man who said that night he has pneumonia. But he drank most of the night with a lit cigarette in hand that he took from someone else until he closed the the bar down.

This isn't acceptable.

Neither is this. Last night I learned about the brief exchange my other friend had with the woman who's been chasing after him as well as others. He hadn't even said hello when she leaned down and whispered, "I'm horny."

He had a great response. "I hope you have good luck at your next bar."

Repeating bad behavior and making others uncomfortable is never okay- especially when it involves my single friends or me.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Other people's holidays

This was a really fun Memorial Day weekend. But one of the things I like the most about this holiday is it's a holiday with merit. One that means something to many Americans and people who call America home. Friends and families gather to enjoy their first lake trip of the season or a good backyard BBQ. But it's a real goliday.

And it's our holiday.

I felt funny a few weeks ago on Cinco de Mayo. It hit me wrong that bars all around took advantage of another nation's holiday to sell more beer. Cinco de Mayo is a holiday that most Mexicans don't even celebrate. Most people don't even know what it means. Their real independence day is in the fall.

So why do we celebrate it? I guess it's just a day for drinking, like many other 'holidays' on our calendars.

When I lived in England years ago, some of the bars and nightclubs had American Independence Day parties. Yeah, really. I know because I went to one. It felt really odd that my sister and me were the only two Americans in the place. But someone else's holiday sold some booze, and I got a shout out from the deejay.

These holidays always give us all a much-needed break from the work grind. Even though there is alcohol consumed, I believe holidays are for spending time with family or friends - or both - and appreciating the freedoms we have.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Time capsule

While my car's in the shop, I took advantage of having a larger car to empty out the storage room I've paid for over the last three years. This may seem small, but it was a milestone for me.

I decided for sure I would leave my ex after a very violent evening. That night I knew it had to end. The hardest part was I didn't know how or what to expect.

So I do what I always do. Taking things one step at a time. One of the first things was to find a place to stash things that are important to me but wouldn't be missed. Truly a time capsule of my life.

This pile includes everything from the director's chair that was in my childhood bedroom and the books I read with a flashlight after bedtime to my photo albums and wedding dress and shoes. There's even scuba gear and a couple of tennis rackets in the pile. Something from almost every part of my life is in this pile.

While I was planning my move, I didn't know if I would have a few days to move out or if I would have to grab Lucy and my purse and run. That's why I stashed these treasures that can never be replaced. I know it's only stuff. Clothes and furniture can be replaced, but my grandmother's wedding dress in the photo and my elementary school photos and other keepsakes can't.

We all have things from our past we want to hold onto. Each thing is a part of what made us who we are today. Letting go of the storage room not only saves me almost $700 per year but it also reconnects me with these treasures. And I've let go of one of the last links to those bad years.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

The sad bench

This bench is in the park across the street where I jog, and for some reason it seems to attract sadness.

 

While I jogged today, there was a couple sitting there. They sat close and he had his arm around her. But she looked sad. During one lap around behind them, he hugged her. He held her close in an embrace that looked like he was consoling her. I could only see their body language. By the time they left, she looked happier.

 

I see this happen at least once a month. Last week, a woman sat on this bench alone. She didn't do anything but sit. Most people have at least one phone conversation while they're in the park, or at the minimum watch for and reply to messages or read Facebook or the news or whatever they're doing staring at the tiny screen. She looked around a little but that was all. She didn't look happy. Maybe she was, but she didn't look it.

 

It's a pretty spot in the shade. A person or couple can almost hide in the shadows and behind the crepe myrtle trunks. The grassy square in front of it is surrounded by shrubs and flowers. It's a spot you can fade into.

 

Then a few weeks ago, another couple sat there. They started out close but after a few minutes, they had physically separated on the bench. You know that awkward I-don't-want-to-sit-too-close-because-I'm-really-pissed separation? Her body language was all over the place, and she didn't look pleased. There was a lot of head shaking and arm flying. It looked like some of the break-up conversations I've seen. The couple left while I was on the other side of the park, so I'm not sure if they exited happier. However they left, I hope they're smiling today.

 

I've only had one terribly sad moment in the just over a year I've lived here, but I didn't end up on that bench. Perhaps I'll try it when sadness hits again.

 

Or maybe I'll gravitate there during a really happy moment to try and change the karma on this bench. 

 

Love to the single girls,

Addison 

Repeating bad behavior

I was in line at the post office yesterday and watched a toddler keep pulling the Velcro apart on her dad's flip flops. He was trying to do his transaction so he ignored it for a bit while others in line watched her and laughed. I have to admit I did too. It was cute - especially when he tried to walk off with a shoe undone.

The man ignored her and we encouraged her, so I'm sure she'll keep doing it.

Then it hit me. I'm not sure some people ever grow out of bad behavior. It may start out cute, but how do you stop it when they're grownups and the adrableness is lost? Ignoring it doesn't seem to work. And the people who giggle and tease and egg it on definitely don't help.

There was the woman last week who kept trying to untie a guy's shoes at my friend's house. He had to get pretty forceful with her to make her stop.

Take a look at the situation where I have to walk past the leery-eyed waiters at the Italian restaurant. I've ignored those guys' stares and comments for a year now and it still hasn't worked.

Can a girl not wear a cute top in peace?

And on Saturday night at my friend's birthday party another guy made me so uncomfortable with his stares I had to walk away. He's someone I hung out with just before Christmas - until he was a total douchebag to me. He decided to invade my small group right at the end of the evening. He couldn't take his eyes off of me - well off my tits at least. All of my bits were safely tucked away inside this top, so there was no reason to get excited. Then he had the nerve to lean down from his 6'4" and tell me how amazing I looked.

"Thank you," I said and walked away.

After we left the party, we sat down for an early morning breakfast at a local diner (without 6'4" guy). I picked up my phone and there was a text and a Facebook message from him. I was afraid to read them.

One said, "I know I have no right to say anything, but I have to say you looked absolutely amazing tonight. I know it is not enough to bridge what we have been through. But I just had to say you looked amazing."

What? We haven't "been through" anything. He was a dick, has no respect for women, and I moved on.

I see this guy in the neighborhood once a week or so. When I see him, I'm polite. I say hello but that's it. I ignore him. But this isn't the first time he's come back to me with comments and messages like this.

My good friend's boyfriend saw it all happen so he and I talked about it the next day. "I was that guy before I met her," he said and pointed to my friend. Then he gave me a pointer. "The best thing you can do for someone like that is ignore him."

I've tried that and he just repeats the bad behavior. Now I regret not giving him a piece of my mind that night. My theory is, people who repeat bad behavior have to be treated more like dogs (with all due respect to dogs!). You have to  discipline them right in the act, otherwise they're just too ignorant to ever get it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

A girl should be able to walk in peace

One of the things I adore about living where I live is being able to walk to restaurants and bars. There are at least eight within five minutes of my door.

But one of the things I hate about living here is walking to the restaurants and bars.

The waiters at the Italian restaurant in the next block stand on their patio and watch people walk by. It's on the path to almost everywhere I walk. Every time I walk by they stare and make comments. When I come back from jogging in the park,  dripping sweat, they do it. And it's really bad when I'm going out at night.

They were extra obnoxious when I walked by on my way to my friend's birthday party last Saturday night. One looked up and saw me. He turned and tapped his friend on the shoulder. He turned around too and they they just gawked. Then one of them said, "Where's the party?"

I ignored them.

Even last night when I walked by with a man by my side, one guy gave me the head to toe once over. My friend even noticed. Any guy who thinks the girl doesn't seethe leering eyes is an idiot. Their valets don't stare, only the wait staff. But then again, the owner is the one who molested me during dinner while I was sitting at a table of people last June. Yep, hand down my top with a handful of bare skin on the day my divorce was final.

It's hard to avoid these guys since they also park in my garage. And that means they have access to my building. Should I be afraid?

It's time to confront them. I'm tired of the attention and ready to walk through my neighborhood in peace.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Trusting my gut

I'm getting better at trusting my gut, and tonight I saw an example.

I took my friend out for the drink I didn't buy him at his birthday party Saturday night. He didn't need another drink then, and I had a silly gift for him. We had fun sitting on the pub patio on a beautiful spring evening. We laughed and talked and even argued a little while sipping delish mojitos that got us both in the mood for our sunny vacations coming up soon.

I asked him if he had fun at his party last Saturday. He did - and is starting to remember bits of the last half of the evening. I told him I never saw him do anything that would embarrass himself. During all of the conversation he didn't mention how he waned to go home with me. Nor did he mention how I wouldn't let him. I know he remembered because he repeated something I said to him at the end of the evening.

We have a little bit of a history so it would have been okay. I enjoy being with him. He's a good guy - one of the few guys I hang out with I haven't written about. I wasn't sure if he wanted to go home with me or my tits though. That's one of the reasons I went home alone. He really liked what I was wearing. I was flattered. But it wasn't right that night, and tonight proved my gut was on track.

He's really stressed right now between work and juggling his son with his ex. But most of all, he's still preoccupied with the last girl he dated - the one who keeps going back to her abusive boyfriend. If all of that hadn't been going on in his head, I wouldn't have added my thoughts. I'm not his nor anyone else's booty call - especially when he's on the rebound. He did suggest going out when he gets back from his vacation.

Until then, I'll keep practicing saying no and following my gut. It feels good.

Love to the single girls
Addison

Perhaps a little dignity

Last night one of my friends had a "family" dinner for some of us in the neighborhood. It was a lovely evening. The day's storms cleared. The group of friends sipped wine and beer before dinner. We all laughed and talked and listened to music and had a chilled time . 

When it was time to grill the shrimp, I hung out at the BBQ grill with the host - the chef's assistant so to speak. I helped carry stuff and held up my phone flashlight so he could tell when it was cooked just right. I enjoyed every minute and respect him even more as I get to know him better.

Then we found out she was coming. 

The woman I've written about more than once was going to joing our evening. She wears short skirts and no panties and has literally stalked multiple men all at once - including the host. You'd think our friend family was different than our real one. We should be able to choose them. One of the guests invited her, and the host was so gracious that he didn't protest.

She sat on the floor in her shortish dress and draped her arms across the guy's legs who was sitting on the sofa next to her. I've seen here do this before. Then she yanked his shoe strings. He protested but she didn't stop until things got uncomfortable. He was not interested.

Of course she sat on the floor with her legs spread just enough. I bit my tongue several times to stop myself from asking if she was wearing panties. I'm sure my face asked the question - especially since she thinks I have sharp eyes. How could I help myself? I still have nightmares about her flashing her bare crotch right in front of my face on New Year's Eve.

For the sake of all of us girls, have a little dignity.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Being single is hard sometimes

I felt something today that doesn't happen very often. Fear. Not physical fear but something deeper. It's a fear of change; of the unknown. It's a fear of facing everything alone.

I'm not the timid type. I'm rarely afraid of anything. A lot seems to have piled up all at once.

A couple of my clients are in weird places right now. One is having growing pains and the other has a new CEO who's making his mark. Both may lead to cutbacks that could affect me. It's taking deeper levels of creativity and determination to move past this. With the flaky economy, it's a little frightening.

There's also a new volunteer role ahead. I was planning to take on the role in a couple of years, but it's here now. The person who's stepping down early left things in a mess. And every time I take on something new, I shake things up. Some people will love it and some won't, but I know it will take more energy and faith in my instincts than I have right now. I guess I'll have to find it somewhere.

I'm burned out. Luckily there's a little vacation to look forward to later this month. It's another unknown though. I'm going alone to a place I've never been.

Every day I get a little older, but I'm not sure the wisdom keeps up. With every change and challenge, I learn something new. And the best way to do that is by screwing up - and I can do that big.

What I miss most as a single girl is having someone special at home who always has your back. Someone who will listen. A partner and best friend to talk through things with you and share ideas and dreams. Someone to just cuddle up to in bed when there's nothing more to say. I never had that with my ex but hope to have it with someone someday.

I'm not poor financially and I'm even richer in friends. I'm surrounded my more love and support than most single girls could ever hope for. They'd scare away any fear. All I have to do is ask.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Single girls don't need heroes

I promised myself I would stay home tonight. Have a relaxing dinner, watch TV, do a little work and get enough sleep for a change. But I didn't.

The phone interrupted just as I was starting to cook. My friend was walking around the neighborhood. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Starting dinner," I answered. "How about you?"

"Kind of wanting to have a drink and grab a bite."

I laughed. "I'm just starting dinner. Join me. I have plenty. But before you answer, it's not gourmet. I'm cooking equivalent of Shake & Bake for fish and a salad," I said. "But I have wine, beer, vodka and rum."

He didn't hesitate. "I like lots of those things."

He was a two minute walk from my building, but I was at least five minutes away from looking presentable. I already had on a new summer dress but need a splash of makeup and to make sure I had enough food. (I'm in desperate need of a grocery store run, which I still haven't done.)

We had a great dinner and talked about work and career. We talked about his milestone birthday in two weeks and the scuba trip he's taking to celebrate and about my vacation. We talked about his son and technology and a new political website he's starting.

But all he really needed was a friend. So I listened.

He realized recently his feelings were growing stronger for the girl he was seeing. He told me she met at least 99% of his criteria. A few he named were things like how she likes foreign films, has her own apartment and a good job, and she doesn't need anyone to take care of her. So he had that talk. The one where a couple shares where they see the relationship going. She wasn't ready for anything more serious because she had only been out of a long-term relationship for five months.

I agree, five months isn't long. I encouraged him to keep in touch with her and try again later this year if he really liked her. "It's worth the wait if she makes you happy," I said.

Then he told me the rest. Her boyfriend was abusive. She told my friend she still sees her ex from time to time to wrap up some financial business. And he saw her arm in arm with him last weekend.

I let him finish and then left a moment of silence.

"Don't walk. Run away from her," I told him. "You'll never be the man she's looking for."

My friend is too nice. He likes to help people. He's a super hero. But this woman doesn't need him to be her hero. She needs to save herself first. No one else can save this single girl but her.

My friend can be a hero if he wants but only for those who love it but don't need it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. Then we walked down to the pub. It was fun and I stayed out too late as I often do.

Typical night at the pub

So, I planned to stay in but didn't. Just a quick glass of wine at the pub. It was really quiet when I got there. My friend was singing to no one. Then they started to arrive.

One friend just flew in from a business trip to Atlanta. He recently got a good promotion and finally got the raise to match it. Another was just laid off from his job. He hasn't been unemployed since he was 13 so he's totally freaked out. I can understand, but I give him 20 days to land somewhere. He's an achiever. Then another just started a new business venture with a friend. He was literally glowing.

But with all of the good there has to be bad. The town drunk showed back up. She's been in the hospital and should be recovering from surgery. Instead she's at the pub. But she did not speak to me, so the mission was a success. Working on my inner bitch again and getting better each day.

I'm just happy it's Friday. And tomorrow is Saturday and I don't have to be anywhere at any time. For the first time since February, this girl's sleeping in.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Taking control of my path

Would you ever let someone push you blindfolded down a path? Whether you know them well or not? It sounds crazy but I do it all the time. First it was my mom. Then guys I dated. Sometimes it was friends and even professional colleagues.

It's all about control. And I'm taking it back.

Why should I let them decide where I go? If I'm going to succeed - or crash and burn - I want it to be me who led myself there and not someone else. I'm finally learning how much trust has to already be there before letting someone lead you.

There are two paths people tried to lead me down recently, and both are related to my writing.

In one situation, the guy in charge of the writing trade organization I belong to went MIA back in March. I'm second in charge but have covered his ass since late 2012 and am tired. Tired of doing his work. Tired of his lack of balls to step down. When he filled my cute little loft apartment with the organizations crap and packed up and left the state in March, I gave him until May to figure it out. Either he steps waaayyy up or down or I haul ass outta my role. It's May now. I emailed him today to see what he decided to do. He has until early next week, but I suspect he won't respond. If that happens, I just bypass him. I will not let him leave me in limbo even longer while he contemplates where he might have left his balls.

In the other, a woman joined my writing critique group. We've had three sessions so far. In the first, she reamed our other group member's writing, she cancelled the second and last night she reamed my writing. It wasn't even constructive - or accurate for that matter. She broke most of the basic writing rules as well as critique rules in her critique and in her writing. Instead of being the fix-it girl I typically try to be, I talked to my other group member. She was where I am after the first session, so we agreed it's not working with her. We're done and we let her know it - with diplomacy, of course.

Now, I hope if I'm headed down a path looking remotely near the one this guy I saw in the airport the other day might be headed down that my friends might intervene. I need to be tackled and dragged off of that path. Fast.

I've already taken control of one path in 2013. The guy I was seeing fell into a habit of texting or calling me at the last minute or in the wee morning hours. I told him that wasn't acceptable. He never got it and he never will. But at least what I said stopped him from doing it again. 

Sometimes I have to practice my inner bitch to break away from those people who insist on leading me down paths. I know, most people say there's no inner bitch needed here - it's just being human. But this is hard for me.

Every step helps. And for us single girls, we only have ourselves to count on.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

My friends want me to meet someone

Okay, they're ready. My friends say I should be going out with guys. Not just friends, but potential relationships. Guys who might have a future.

But that scares me. I'm just not ready.

What if I start going out with guys - no expectations - and meet the right one? I started dating my ex too soon after a breakup and you see where that ended. I can't trust yet or open my heart to anyone. There's too much vulnerability.

Right now, going out with groups or grabbing dinner with a friend is what I enjoy. It's what I need too. No scrutiny or expectations or pressure. Just pure fun.

I haven't a clue when I'll be ready, but I figure I'll just know. Until then . . .

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Baby steps

Life seems to be full of milestones. Even Facebook has us logging life's most important events on our timelines.

It takes baby steps to get to those mile markers.

One baby step I took recently was to make plans for a little vacation I promised myself last year after my divorce. I had been dragging my feet, not willing to commit to a date or destination, but I did it. I committed to a flight, an amazing hotel and a couple of outings. There will be sand and sun and yummy food and drinks and people I've never met before.

I'm going solo. I'll meet people there - couples, families, staff. I also want solitude. When I want to shop I will. If the beach sounds appealing I'll go. When a fancy umbrella drink at the bar sounds fun, I'll have one. It's not something I do often. This time I can just be. It's what I need.

There's one more baby step behind me now. Actually, to me it's more of a leap. A couple of months ago, the guy who has been my lover for more than three years now invited me for a visit sometime in May. It's now May and he hasn't mentioned it. I told myself when he first invited me I would make my own special vacation plans in May if I don't visit him. Then I told a friend - once I say something out loud it will happen. I've mentioned the visit to him once since he did, and I won't again.

This single girl already has plans.

My destination is a place I've never been. There's no favorite hotel or restaurant or beach. There are no memories at all except the one of me making a promise to myself and keeping it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison