When one door opens, another closes

On the day my divorce was final, a door opened, but not in the way you might think.

As a part of the divorce-day celebration, I was a little naughty and had an overnight guest. I must've had unrealistic expectations because it was probably the lamest sexual experience I've ever had. He complained about everything: having to bend down to the floor to turn on a lamp, the balcony being too small, his eyes itching because of his allergy to my cat. He even warned me that having a cat would scare many men away. He was concerned I had a lingering relationship with a lover. But here's the worst part. Since he had stitches in his finger, I had to do most of the work. He received and I gave. He wouldn't even get on top. Not even for a minute.

"My finger hurts," he said.

"Bye," I said.

But this man opened a door. Unfortunately, it was the door to my bathroom. While I was peeing. Now I believe a girl needs privacy for certain things, so this was the first time in my life a man had watched me in that private moment. Ever.

But while this door opened on the first day of my new life, I believe another one closed. It was the long-time relationship with my dear friend and lover. 

This was the man who knows me better than almost anyone. He reminded me of who I am. We traveled together, shared our life fears and dreams. He gave me the confidence to change my appearance -the way I dress and my hair. He helped me learn how to appreciate life more. I stopped wearing a watch when I realized I didn't need to know the time at every moment. I starting slowing down to appreciate whatever I'm doing. He told me I'm a good lover cancelling out the years of hearing my ex-husband telling me I'm boring, too small town and prudish.

He (along with a few other amazing friends) helped me collect the confidence I desperately needed to leave a bad situation.

Although he'll probably never tell me this, I truly believe he felt his work was complete on the day my divorce was final. Although I've seen him once since, things aren't near where they were before. I suspect he believes distancing himself is best for me so I can move on. Even though that door is now closed, I need closure to help me let go.

We all need to let other doors open, except for those to our bathrooms.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Transaction cancelled

When I stopped to put gas in my car the other day, I stuck my credit card into the pump, answered all of the questions then punched in my zip code. For the first time ever, the machine said "Transaction cancelled." What? Cancelled? Why?

Then I realized I had typed in my old zip code of more than a decade. The one from my old married life instead of the one of the last three months of my new and fabulous single life.   

How many other transactions are cancelled because of a number?

So many things related to dating are measured by a number. There's age (or at least what age you look like), weight, net worth, the 1-to-10 appearance scale, and of course bra cup size is a big one for many guys. And at this point, we're only at "hello."

The other night a couple of my guy friends were talking and they agreed they would sometimes have sex with a 5, especially if they had been drinking. But they typically strive for at least a 7. I guess a 4 would be enough to cancel their transaction.

And then last night, there was my conversation with an almost stranger who called all women "crazy bitches." His measure is clearly level of craziness since we're all crazy bitches to begin with for him. Wonder if strives for a 7 at the crazy level, too? Personally, I think he deserves a 10.

Ladies, admit it, the measurement continues. We measure a guy's manliness -- his ability to take control in a gentlemanly way. And the size of a cock can be a deal breaker to some. For me, it's more about what he can do with it. Speaking of 7, he needs to be at least at the 7 sexual skill level. Wouldn't you agree?

I'm particularly sensitive about the number of emotional bags we carry. And for me, 7 would definitely cancel the transaction. What would cancel your transaction?

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Panties or none, should this ever be the question?

There are only two words to say in response to this question:  Britney Spears.

We've probably all thought about it from time to time (for the sake of fashion, you know), but always opted for the safe route. Wear panties.

I have a new friend who's gone out with me to the neighborhood bars a couple of times. She's an attractive woman who's in pretty good shape and she loves her short skirts.

Here's the problem. She doesn't wear panties with her short dresses and skirts. And she tells people throughout the evening about it.

She says she doesn't want the panty lines, and the lines even show with a thong. I've suggested finding a good lace thong rather than the annoying string style, but she says those don't work either. In the mean time, she continues to talk about being afraid she'll flash her vagina.

Being the problem solver I am, I did a little research into the panty line problem and found a great blog post on The Sweetest Things by the Miel Sisters, Avoiding The Visible Panty Line: A Complete Guide. It's well worth the read even if you already have all the panty problem answers. Or go to your local Victoria's Secret, department store or lingerie shop and try on different styles to see what works best for you.

In this woman's case, I don't think it's about panty lines at all but rather a call for attention. I hope she figures out how to get the right kind of attention, even while wearing her short skirts - but with panties.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

P.S. As with most everything, there are exceptions. Just walk around and sit down to try out your no-panty situation and avoid surprises before you head out the door. 

Dumped already . . . even in my new, hot little Black Milk TARDIS dress

Alright, dumped might be a little dramatic, but it was indeed on the debut night of my new Black Milk Dr. Who police callbox dress. Yes, the TARDIS on a dress. And it took two glasses of wine and encouragement from a good friend to have the nerve to wear it.

This is a man who is attractive, edgy and has a heart of gold. We hung out for weeks and shared flirty kisses and long talks about life, family and dreams. We were becoming good friends, and then it happened. We had sex. Twice. It was good and I felt a connection. My cat, who's afraid of everyone, even likes him. Within a few days he was chilly at best, and then last Friday he almost ignored me. No, he completely avoided me; went the other direction if he saw me. Even in my sexiest new dress.

Today Facebook told it all. The message popped up in my news feed that he "went from being 'single' to 'in a relationship'." Why did Facebook have to tell me and what would his new girl think about the 12 hours he and I spent together in my bed the last weekend?

It's okay though. I don't call it dumped because we weren't in a relationship. I'm not looking to be in one yet anyway, and he knows that. What's happend has made me wish we had just remained friends since a good friend is much more difficult to find than someone to fall into bed with. As friends, the flirting is always fun and no one gets hurt.

Now that my first little hurt is out of the way, I'll keep wearing my sexy new dress and maybe even buy another one. I hope you'll share what happend with your first relationship ending so we can all help each other forget and move on.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. Now that he and I have had a chance to talk, we're almost back to we were. At least the flirty kisses are back.

A girl brought a penis into a bar and the guys were scared

Speaking of bachelorette parties and Charlie Sheen, our special bar-hopping guest was an almost life-sized Charlie Sheen blow-up doll. Picture Pinocchio's nose and you'll have a good idea of the doll's penis. (Sorry Charlie!)

When we arrived at one of the clubs (after almost forgetting him on the party bus), we staked out an open area where we could dance. The spot also happened to be along the only path to the men's room. There were also at least four other bachelorette parties honoring other beautiful brides-to-be, and each group had their own version of a blow-up penis.

Of course we joined with the other groups and their blow-ups to celebrate together. You haven't seen funny until you've seen the looks on men's faces when they have close encounters with blow-up male genitalia. They stare at the ceiling, the floor or into space. They literally run and jump backward if it touches them. I haven't laughed so hard in a while.

Men openly enjoy women's bodies all the time. Why not let women do the same? Besides, it's all in fun. Best of luck to brides-to-be everywhere! I hope your fiancees are comfortable enough with their bodies to not be scared by a blow-up doll.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Do we ever outgrow bachelorette parties?

"Women at our stage in life don't go to bachelorette parties."

A professional acquaintance said this to me yesterday. As writers, we're always told to make every word count, and she certainly did. And each is wrong in so many ways.

"At our stage in life." What stage? Age? Frumpy mom with no personal style? Speak for yourself sista! Or is it just judgment of bachelorette parties in general? And please don't use "our" to put me in your life's bucket!

Her statement made me think about this new experience of being single again. I'm having the time of my life and want to share and learn from the other single girls out there. Just like words to a writer, we have to make every experience count.

I felt so lucky to get to be a part of this bachelorette party. While hanging out at the house watching the adult entertainment, dining in a hip restaurant and bar hopping, I saw a close group of friends, most of whom had grown up together, have fun, bond and share best wishes with their friend before she starts a wonderful new chapter in her life. The coolest part, the honoree's younger sister and mom were there partying with group.

The bride-to-be lived next door. She was my first new friend to make me feel welcome in my new neighborhood and to my new life. Besides having a unique, magnetic personality, she is at least half mermaid. I wish her luck as she begins her new life now, and am relieved her fiancee has a pool.

If doesn't matter if a girl is 25, 42 or 80, have your bachelorette party if you want to! And invite your friends of any age!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. It's amazing what conversations can start when a group of bachelorette party girls in matching t-shirts bring along a blow-up Charlie Sheen doll. One was with a tall, handsome guy from South Africa. He had texted me a dinner invite by the time I got home.