Over the past week a lot of people I know have had tragedies in their lives. It's made me think more about what in life is important.
Many in my neighborhood felt a loss when a neighbor passed suddenly last week. Another good friend has a high school buddy who had been beating cancer but it's come back. Still another good friend's friend is fighting for his life in the hospital. To make matters worse, she and her brother lost their dog yesterday. This was their family pet that had been in their lives for over a decade.
Now I'm about to board a plane for NYC. Although I can't wait for the trip, I'd rather not leave my friend when she's sad. And I didn't want to leave my Lucy, but I know she's in good hands.
I don't call my parents often enough or my sister and nieces. I'll try to get better. I love and appreciate my good friends. Showing them and telling them is so important. More important than client deadlines and way more important than my to do list. As a single girl, I realize even more how much they mean to me. Saying I love you is difficult for me, and when I do, I really mean it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Good fun; great friends
Last night, some friends and I hosted a dinner party at my place. It was Cajun themed, and in true Cajun fashion, it lasted until after 2 o'clock in the morning.
This party was a followup to the one just before New Year. We agreed then we'd rather spend time in one of our homes rather than in a local pub. Everyone enjoyed that one, so we promise each other we'll do this often. Everyone pitched in with their favorite food, beer and wine and even washing dishes - everything that makes it easier to host a party.
The food was good and all 10 of the people who came got along well. Each person was dealing with their own stresses. Some had just come from a funeral, two were dealing with work issues, another is still unpacking in her new apartment after her other one was damaged from a fire. One girl's boyfriend has been traveling a lot and is about to move cross country, my special friend (new guy) and I are still dealing with our breakups and single life, and my good friend has a friend in the hospital.
You never would have known anyone had a care.
Once we spent a couple of hours playing a fun card game, it was way too late for a work night. By five o'clock this afternoon, I was nodding off at my computer, so I took a nap with Lucy curled up next to me on the sofa. We all had so much fun that it was worth it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
This party was a followup to the one just before New Year. We agreed then we'd rather spend time in one of our homes rather than in a local pub. Everyone enjoyed that one, so we promise each other we'll do this often. Everyone pitched in with their favorite food, beer and wine and even washing dishes - everything that makes it easier to host a party.
The food was good and all 10 of the people who came got along well. Each person was dealing with their own stresses. Some had just come from a funeral, two were dealing with work issues, another is still unpacking in her new apartment after her other one was damaged from a fire. One girl's boyfriend has been traveling a lot and is about to move cross country, my special friend (new guy) and I are still dealing with our breakups and single life, and my good friend has a friend in the hospital.
You never would have known anyone had a care.
Once we spent a couple of hours playing a fun card game, it was way too late for a work night. By five o'clock this afternoon, I was nodding off at my computer, so I took a nap with Lucy curled up next to me on the sofa. We all had so much fun that it was worth it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Sunday, January 27, 2013
What this blog means
This blog is my life. It's what I live every day. My experiences and my thoughts. Some may agree with me and some may not. Others may judge. And that's okay.
We all have a story.
This is where I tell mine, and I hope others - especially single girls - learn from my missteps. I try to not make the same mistake twice but do sometimes. If you laugh while reading, believe me, I'm laughing with you. If you cry, I'm probably shedding tears as well.
Every word here is true. These things happen to real people I know. I never use names nor do I intend anyone to figure out who I'm writing about, and unless you were there you won't.
I enjoy sharing with all of you. Please tell your story, agree or disagree or share your advice in the comments. Whether you're a guy or girl, single or not, in Australia, Germany, Indonesia or the U.S. or anywhere around this world, we all would enjoy hearing from you.
Love to you all,
Addison
We all have a story.
This is where I tell mine, and I hope others - especially single girls - learn from my missteps. I try to not make the same mistake twice but do sometimes. If you laugh while reading, believe me, I'm laughing with you. If you cry, I'm probably shedding tears as well.
Every word here is true. These things happen to real people I know. I never use names nor do I intend anyone to figure out who I'm writing about, and unless you were there you won't.
I enjoy sharing with all of you. Please tell your story, agree or disagree or share your advice in the comments. Whether you're a guy or girl, single or not, in Australia, Germany, Indonesia or the U.S. or anywhere around this world, we all would enjoy hearing from you.
Love to you all,
Addison
My vagina's on fire
It's not what you think though. It was jalapeno peppers.
Last night, my special friend (the new guy) insisted on helping me prepare for tonight's little gumbo party. We spent at least two hours in my tiny kitchen together. We had a blast laughing, talking and tasting. He turned what was going to be steamed shrimp with a jar of cocktail sauce into an amazing shrimp cocktail. I'm tempted to grab a spoon and dig into that bowl before the guests arrive. Then he jazzed up the corn on the cob and red potatoes with a yummy Cajun sauce while I did some other cooking and set the table.
We loaded up with samples, a few beers and walked across the street to deliver the andouille sausage my friend used for the gumbo he's making. But before he had even put everything down there, he volunteered to slice and de-seed about two dozen fresh jalapenos that my other friend was going to stuff and wrap in bacon, of course. He did a fabulous job and even cleaned up the kitchen.
We declined the offer to play a game there and came home. We were tired. But not too tired to play on our own. I tasted a hint of hot on him. When he touched me it spread even further until it felt like flames were shooting out of my vagina. I had to stop.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I was almost in tears and laughing at the same time. "Uhm, you're going to laugh. Those jalapenos are all over me now. It burns so bad I can hardly stand it."
"You're right. I felt burning too," he said. "I didn't even think about that. I'm so sorry."
We raced downstairs to the bathroom to wash off, then we picked up right where we left off. Whether it was the jalapenos or that we're getting to know each other better, I know one thing.
It was hot.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Last night, my special friend (the new guy) insisted on helping me prepare for tonight's little gumbo party. We spent at least two hours in my tiny kitchen together. We had a blast laughing, talking and tasting. He turned what was going to be steamed shrimp with a jar of cocktail sauce into an amazing shrimp cocktail. I'm tempted to grab a spoon and dig into that bowl before the guests arrive. Then he jazzed up the corn on the cob and red potatoes with a yummy Cajun sauce while I did some other cooking and set the table.
We loaded up with samples, a few beers and walked across the street to deliver the andouille sausage my friend used for the gumbo he's making. But before he had even put everything down there, he volunteered to slice and de-seed about two dozen fresh jalapenos that my other friend was going to stuff and wrap in bacon, of course. He did a fabulous job and even cleaned up the kitchen.
We declined the offer to play a game there and came home. We were tired. But not too tired to play on our own. I tasted a hint of hot on him. When he touched me it spread even further until it felt like flames were shooting out of my vagina. I had to stop.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I was almost in tears and laughing at the same time. "Uhm, you're going to laugh. Those jalapenos are all over me now. It burns so bad I can hardly stand it."
"You're right. I felt burning too," he said. "I didn't even think about that. I'm so sorry."
We raced downstairs to the bathroom to wash off, then we picked up right where we left off. Whether it was the jalapenos or that we're getting to know each other better, I know one thing.
It was hot.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Friday, January 25, 2013
There's open then there's open...where to draw the line
Two nights ago at the pub, one of my guy friends asked me what started to be an innocent question.
"How's (new guy)?" he asked, and he called him by name.
"He's good."
Then he grinned. "Are you gettin' any?"
Uhm. Really? "Why do you want to know?" was the strongest response I could think of.
"Come on, are you?"
I'm such a horrible liar so I said yes and immediately regretted it when one of the other guys asked me to rate it by number of orgasms. Really?
So last night, the same scenario started to develop. The door was halfway closed as I walked inside from the pub's patio when I heard the same guy ask, "How's (new guy)?"
I stopped. I wasn't going to do it again, so I turned around and just looked at him. Then later he asked me what the go-to-hell look was for and wondered if I wasn't seeing him anymore.
"It wasn't a look. You asked me - and I told you - way too much last night. Nothing's changed since."
But he said he didn't remember what we talked about the previous night. I was worried about sharing too much, and he didn't even recall the conversation.
I've got to get better about ignoring or responding better to people's probing questions. I don't mind being open, but it's easy to cross that line. In this case, I'm glad my sex life seemed forgettable to him.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
"How's (new guy)?" he asked, and he called him by name.
"He's good."
Then he grinned. "Are you gettin' any?"
Uhm. Really? "Why do you want to know?" was the strongest response I could think of.
"Come on, are you?"
I'm such a horrible liar so I said yes and immediately regretted it when one of the other guys asked me to rate it by number of orgasms. Really?
So last night, the same scenario started to develop. The door was halfway closed as I walked inside from the pub's patio when I heard the same guy ask, "How's (new guy)?"
I stopped. I wasn't going to do it again, so I turned around and just looked at him. Then later he asked me what the go-to-hell look was for and wondered if I wasn't seeing him anymore.
"It wasn't a look. You asked me - and I told you - way too much last night. Nothing's changed since."
But he said he didn't remember what we talked about the previous night. I was worried about sharing too much, and he didn't even recall the conversation.
I've got to get better about ignoring or responding better to people's probing questions. I don't mind being open, but it's easy to cross that line. In this case, I'm glad my sex life seemed forgettable to him.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Dealing with loss
The guy who supplied drugs to my area died yesterday.
A few people noticed an ambulance and police trucks (yes, trucks not cars) at the entrance to his high rise in the afternoon, but no one knew the reason until later.
This was the man who supplied the hard stuff - everything but weed. I never recall formally meeting him, but I saw him often. I've been told his condo was beautiful - even excessive - and had bowls of narcotics in every room. He was in his mid 50s. I also heard he was a father.
My friend and I met for a relaxing sushi dinner then a glass of wine at the pub last night. As the evening unfolded, so did the drama. We watched happy drunk women sob as they learned of the loss. The men seemed somber and there was a lot of hugging, holding and crying on shoulders.
I don't know if these people were mourning losing a good friend, the loss of life or the loss of their cocaine source. Neither my friend nor I felt the same sorrow and agreed we felt like cold, hard bitches. Wow. The man passed away. Really? And this was a surprise? The cause is still just rumor, and the chatter covers everything from heart attack to suicide.
With him gone, how many lives will be saved? Careers and relationships salvaged? Will his customers find a new source? Will anyone get the message? Drugs, excessive drinking and eating, living fast and breaking laws isn't healthy, and the outcome is almost certain. Most will die too young.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
A few people noticed an ambulance and police trucks (yes, trucks not cars) at the entrance to his high rise in the afternoon, but no one knew the reason until later.
This was the man who supplied the hard stuff - everything but weed. I never recall formally meeting him, but I saw him often. I've been told his condo was beautiful - even excessive - and had bowls of narcotics in every room. He was in his mid 50s. I also heard he was a father.
My friend and I met for a relaxing sushi dinner then a glass of wine at the pub last night. As the evening unfolded, so did the drama. We watched happy drunk women sob as they learned of the loss. The men seemed somber and there was a lot of hugging, holding and crying on shoulders.
I don't know if these people were mourning losing a good friend, the loss of life or the loss of their cocaine source. Neither my friend nor I felt the same sorrow and agreed we felt like cold, hard bitches. Wow. The man passed away. Really? And this was a surprise? The cause is still just rumor, and the chatter covers everything from heart attack to suicide.
With him gone, how many lives will be saved? Careers and relationships salvaged? Will his customers find a new source? Will anyone get the message? Drugs, excessive drinking and eating, living fast and breaking laws isn't healthy, and the outcome is almost certain. Most will die too young.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Party girl
Who doesn't like a good party? But it's difficult to host one without the right supplies.
Not many people know that I lost most of my bar tools in the divorce. If you've ever had to pack quickly, you know about having to choose carefully what to take and what to leave. A set of cheap martini glasses just didn't seem important in those few days I had to pack. I knew I could get better ones later.
During this past Christmas and birthday week, my friends were on the same page - stock this single girl up for entertaining. And they did.
One of the more important bar tools is a good cocktail shaker, another item I left behind. I'll never forget the evening when my good friend, who's a top-notch bartender, had to shake a bloody Mary in a thermal travel mug. She was horrified, and it was the last time that will happen. Another good friend gave me one. 
Now I have this sparkly set of liqueur glasses from another friend. With these, and the ability to shake a cocktail, I can have another girl party where I can also serve the bottle of Crave chocolate chili liqueur she gave me. Yum.
What better to serve a group of girls than fondue? And now I have this cute fondue pot my niece picked out. I don't think I've ever made any, but how difficult could it be to melt cheese or chocolate?
And finally, my good friend knows I adore a glass or two of red wine, so she gave me a special wine glass with my first initial. It's the glass I pour into when the work day starts to wind down. And I seal the opened bottle with this perfect stopper she selected. When she gave it to me, she asked if I ever have a bottle to stop or if they're always empty. Yes, she knows me well.
Thank you my good friends! To some people, I'm known as a party girl. And I'm okay with that label.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Freedom for the single girls
I've been thinking a lot lately about how important our jobs and careers are to us single girls.
Most of our mothers and grandmothers moved straight from their parents' homes to marriage and family. They may have had jobs but they had a husband to cover the finances. There are many exceptions, but lots of women lived the traditional homemaker life.
Times have changed. I was the primary breadwinner with my ex. He let me down. He went for long periods without working. We had to cut back and live a frugal lifestyle because of his choices. He called himself the head of the house while I worked my ass off. It wasn't worth the sacrifice - especially because of the way he treated me.
Face it. We're it. We're our go-to girls. We're the only ones we single girls know we can count on. I consider any girl lucky who finds a good partner who really will be an equal. Their own careers and incomes make life even easier and more fun.
I know so many single girls who are just getting by. Some of them have a man in their life who wants to help, but the girls have pride. They want to show their independence. It's hard. Everyone has their story. Every girl also has potential. It takes drive and determination. Persistence helps get you where you want to be.
For me, career is a big part of my self worth. It's something I built myself. I had encouragement and little boosts along the way, but my own hard work got me here. It's not greed, but rather hard work and so worth it. Without my career, I might be stuck in a really bad relationship.
With a career, there's freedom and independence and peace. I'm happy. If I find a partner to share life with - someone who is successful and happy and independent - I hope we will be even stronger together.
Every day I dream for success, strength and happiness for all single girls.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Most of our mothers and grandmothers moved straight from their parents' homes to marriage and family. They may have had jobs but they had a husband to cover the finances. There are many exceptions, but lots of women lived the traditional homemaker life.
Times have changed. I was the primary breadwinner with my ex. He let me down. He went for long periods without working. We had to cut back and live a frugal lifestyle because of his choices. He called himself the head of the house while I worked my ass off. It wasn't worth the sacrifice - especially because of the way he treated me.
Face it. We're it. We're our go-to girls. We're the only ones we single girls know we can count on. I consider any girl lucky who finds a good partner who really will be an equal. Their own careers and incomes make life even easier and more fun.
I know so many single girls who are just getting by. Some of them have a man in their life who wants to help, but the girls have pride. They want to show their independence. It's hard. Everyone has their story. Every girl also has potential. It takes drive and determination. Persistence helps get you where you want to be.
For me, career is a big part of my self worth. It's something I built myself. I had encouragement and little boosts along the way, but my own hard work got me here. It's not greed, but rather hard work and so worth it. Without my career, I might be stuck in a really bad relationship.
With a career, there's freedom and independence and peace. I'm happy. If I find a partner to share life with - someone who is successful and happy and independent - I hope we will be even stronger together.
Every day I dream for success, strength and happiness for all single girls.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, January 21, 2013
Alone is easier than back flips
I just came in from jogging in the park next door on this pretty spring-like day (okay, I did when I first started writing this). Close to the end of my run, I saw a man with his little dog. He had the pup doing back flips. It was cute. actually it was pretty amazing. But it reminded me of what men expect from women in a relationship.
Guys expect girls to have a complete bag of tricks - a successful career or job, a good cook, keep a nice home, stay in shape, and be attentive and interested in him on demand. Oh, looking hot and being happy and upbeat are must haves for most guys too. That's great. I want all of that for myself as well, but some of the boys don't have those standards for themselves. Some think they can sit around and build their beer gut while watching football while you cook and look fabulous - and bring him more beer. We might as well do back flips just like the pup.
In the last day, I had three interesting conversations with men on this topic. Last night I went to my friend's delayed wedding reception. Alone. There were people there I knew so there was always someone to talk to. I was outside by their beautiful pool enjoying the cool night and sat by the fireplace to warm up. Then an man probably my dad's age or older sat next to me. He was talkative. Charming. And he introduced himself as the groom's dad. He also touched me while he talked - his hand on my arm or shoulder.
Right in the middle of telling me about how beautiful Costa Rica is, he said, "You seem distant. Like something is distracting you."
"Just enjoying the beautiful pool view," I said. Really I wanted to go back to talking to my friends but was enjoying the warmth of the fire too much. Then it hit me. In the few minutes I had known him he was already judging me as not being attentive enough. Not looking into his eyes while he talked. I was relieved when the toasts interrupted the conversation. The house is large but not quite big enough. He kept showing up wherever I was.
So i left to meet friends at a bar. While my good friend and I were talking a guy walked up and started chatting. He just opened up about the perfect woman he was searching for.
"I just want to find a woman I'll be really be happy to wake up next to," he said. He told us he was in his mid twenties and had only had one serious girlfriend.
It seemed that he wants lots of tricks from his perfect women. I think he was hitting on my friend, but talking about his ultimate woman was one of the most bizarre pick up lines I've heard.
Tonight my guy came over for the evening. We had the amazing sex we always have, but I liked the great conversation almost as much. I was glad he felt comfortable asking me about the long scar down my abdomen and why I didn't have children with my ex. Then we laughed, and we and talked about the places we'd enjoy traveling to. He talked about how common it is for women in Europe to spend a day cooking.
"American women just don't do that," he said. "I out cook and out clean most of the girls I know."
"That's good," I said. "Relationships should be a partnership." He may want the back flips, but at least he can do them too. At least he says he can.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Guys expect girls to have a complete bag of tricks - a successful career or job, a good cook, keep a nice home, stay in shape, and be attentive and interested in him on demand. Oh, looking hot and being happy and upbeat are must haves for most guys too. That's great. I want all of that for myself as well, but some of the boys don't have those standards for themselves. Some think they can sit around and build their beer gut while watching football while you cook and look fabulous - and bring him more beer. We might as well do back flips just like the pup.
In the last day, I had three interesting conversations with men on this topic. Last night I went to my friend's delayed wedding reception. Alone. There were people there I knew so there was always someone to talk to. I was outside by their beautiful pool enjoying the cool night and sat by the fireplace to warm up. Then an man probably my dad's age or older sat next to me. He was talkative. Charming. And he introduced himself as the groom's dad. He also touched me while he talked - his hand on my arm or shoulder.
Right in the middle of telling me about how beautiful Costa Rica is, he said, "You seem distant. Like something is distracting you."
"Just enjoying the beautiful pool view," I said. Really I wanted to go back to talking to my friends but was enjoying the warmth of the fire too much. Then it hit me. In the few minutes I had known him he was already judging me as not being attentive enough. Not looking into his eyes while he talked. I was relieved when the toasts interrupted the conversation. The house is large but not quite big enough. He kept showing up wherever I was.
So i left to meet friends at a bar. While my good friend and I were talking a guy walked up and started chatting. He just opened up about the perfect woman he was searching for.
"I just want to find a woman I'll be really be happy to wake up next to," he said. He told us he was in his mid twenties and had only had one serious girlfriend.
It seemed that he wants lots of tricks from his perfect women. I think he was hitting on my friend, but talking about his ultimate woman was one of the most bizarre pick up lines I've heard.
Tonight my guy came over for the evening. We had the amazing sex we always have, but I liked the great conversation almost as much. I was glad he felt comfortable asking me about the long scar down my abdomen and why I didn't have children with my ex. Then we laughed, and we and talked about the places we'd enjoy traveling to. He talked about how common it is for women in Europe to spend a day cooking.
"American women just don't do that," he said. "I out cook and out clean most of the girls I know."
"That's good," I said. "Relationships should be a partnership." He may want the back flips, but at least he can do them too. At least he says he can.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Saturday, January 19, 2013
When someone finds a place in your heart, it's hard to forget
But he found a place in my heart three years ago and I think he'll always be there. Right in that spot.
I'll see him in Manhatten in two weeks. The memory of the moment our relationship went from friends to lovers on this very same trip three years ago is in that spot in my heart too.
I used to count the days until I would see him next. The first two years I saw him at least every couple of months and we talked by text or phone almost daily. In those days he helped keep me going from one day to the next until I was ready to make it on my own. Now its just bittersweet. In 2012, I saw him three times, and communications dropped off. We hadn't traded a phone call or even a text since my birthday just after Christmas until last night.
We've both been through a lot over the last year. But that's what friends are for, right? To be there for you when shit's going on? I feel like we let each other down. He wasn't there when I needed him. I tried to be there for him, but perhaps he didn't need me. I'm not sure he needed anyone.
Last night we traded texts. "I try not to but I miss you," I said.
He sent back kisses. "It will be good to see you. I miss you too."
When I see him I know everything will be back to where it was. The closeness and intimacy will return, and we'll have the most magical sex I've ever had. Just like it was.
I wish I could be stronger and move on. But it's that spot in my heart . . .
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Friday, January 18, 2013
I still cry sometimes
Like last night. I'm not sure why. Maybe there's a little loneliness. A tad of self pity. Or maybe it's just the emotional scene in the TV show that left me feeling weepy.
So why would two nights in, alone with my thoughts, leave me sad? I know I don't miss my ex, but I do sometimes mourn the years lost while with him. The years I would have saved if I had baled when I should have.
I also know I'm afraid to open up to really caring about a man again. I still can't let myself feel close. I've been disappointed way too many times. Maybe it's dread of seeing the last man that disappointed me in Manhattan in a couple of weeks.
It makes me sad - no, it makes me angry - that I'm afraid. I'm the girl who's not afraid of anything. But I do tend to cry when I get mad - especially when I get mad at myself. Maybe that was it.
I have no reason to be lonely or sad. Some of the most caring friends a girl could ever ask for are in my life. I have male company just about any time I want it, and the rest of my life is fulfilling. I'm certainly not bored, and I shouldn't be afraid of anything. My life is fabulous, but I'm sure I'll cry again - like we all do.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
So why would two nights in, alone with my thoughts, leave me sad? I know I don't miss my ex, but I do sometimes mourn the years lost while with him. The years I would have saved if I had baled when I should have.
I also know I'm afraid to open up to really caring about a man again. I still can't let myself feel close. I've been disappointed way too many times. Maybe it's dread of seeing the last man that disappointed me in Manhattan in a couple of weeks.
It makes me sad - no, it makes me angry - that I'm afraid. I'm the girl who's not afraid of anything. But I do tend to cry when I get mad - especially when I get mad at myself. Maybe that was it.
I have no reason to be lonely or sad. Some of the most caring friends a girl could ever ask for are in my life. I have male company just about any time I want it, and the rest of my life is fulfilling. I'm certainly not bored, and I shouldn't be afraid of anything. My life is fabulous, but I'm sure I'll cry again - like we all do.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Coming through!
The first time passed them, I slipped by on the very inner edge of the concrete and grass. But the next time they were walking in the middle until I got close to them and they moved left, to the inside right in my path. Instead of veering around them again, I kept running.
"Coming through," I said.
They moved. If they said anything back I didn't hear them through my buds.
I never understand why some people think that just because they're a couple they can take up too much space. Control situations. Being a couple gives you no extra rights. It's a couples world out there, and it frustrates me sometimes. The first question when you walk into a restaurant alone is, "Will anyone be joining you?" My car even only holds two.
My friend that eloped to Bora Bora last fall has a delayed wedding reception of sorts this weekend. The invitation says, "Dine, Dance, Celebrate." Although it doesn't say the word, I read couples into that. Maybe that's what's bugging me. I've had the invitation for weeks and have been totally comfortable going alone. I enjoy talking to men, women, married, single. But it's the dancing. I don't want to be the one standing to the side watching all of the couples have fun.
Maybe I want to be a couple for this one. But if I go alone, this single girl's comin' through.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Falling asleep - Dating rule #6
I had a college experience I'll never forget.
One evening during summer school, I was on the sofa with a guy I had been out with a couple of times. I had spent the entire day moving and was exhausted. You know those long smooch sessions that don't end? Well, I dozed off right in the middle of one. I have no idea if it was two seconds or two minutes, but it didn't phase him. I'll never forget it. I'll also not forget what a bad kisser he was, so I'm not sure if I fell asleep from exhaustion or boredom.
We didn't go out again, which leads to dating rule #6 - falling asleep can be a deal breaker.
Over the weekend I had another experience I know I won't forget. It was with the new guy, the guy I think is one of the good ones. We each went out with our own friends Saturday evening, and then he and his friend who lives in my neighborhood met up with my friends and me later at a bar down the street. We had a couple of drinks there, ended up at a friend's apartment for a little after party and then at his friend's townhouse.
It turned out his friend hadn't slept at all the night before, so he grabbed some food and his dog and threw blankets over us. "Y'all have fun," he said and disappeared upstairs.
I'm not sure my guy had that much sleep either. We kissed for a while then took each other's clothes off and got cozy on the big, black leather sofa. That's when it happened. I heard snoring. While I was inside of him.
After the initial shock, I was horrified. I stood and looked at his naked body for a moment listening to him snore. Then I put my clothes on and bundled up in my coat for the short walk home in the below freezing, middle-of-the-night temperatures. I did throw a blanket over him before I left.
My phone woke me up mid morning Sunday. It was him. "Can I come over?" he asked.
I had to know what would happen. "Okay," I said, and in five minutes he knocked on my door.
He apologized about five different ways for falling asleep on me.
"It happens," I said. "You were tired."
He apologized again, but I had to know if he realized the rest. "Something happened that was a first. You fell asleep while you were inside of me."
This time he was speechless. His eyes were huge, and then his face changed to look skeptical.
"I couldn't make that up," I said.
He believed me and made up for it that morning.
Over drinks last night he brought it up again. My words made an impression. He repeated exactly what I told him about being a first for me, then he apologized again.
Si i told him more. "What was fascinating is that you were still hard."
He was speechless. Again. But this time, I think I saw a bit of male pride. It proves to me that the brain and cock operate completely separate.
I think we'll continue being friends. Lovers. For now at least. Whatever our label is or isn't, I know he won't forget me or what happened either. This time, falling asleep wasn't a deal breaker, but if it happens again . . .
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. Only a really good friend would let me in her apartment on the walk home in the middle of that night, and then sit on the floor together listening to my horrifying story without laughing until almost five o'clock in the morning. xx
One evening during summer school, I was on the sofa with a guy I had been out with a couple of times. I had spent the entire day moving and was exhausted. You know those long smooch sessions that don't end? Well, I dozed off right in the middle of one. I have no idea if it was two seconds or two minutes, but it didn't phase him. I'll never forget it. I'll also not forget what a bad kisser he was, so I'm not sure if I fell asleep from exhaustion or boredom.
We didn't go out again, which leads to dating rule #6 - falling asleep can be a deal breaker.
Over the weekend I had another experience I know I won't forget. It was with the new guy, the guy I think is one of the good ones. We each went out with our own friends Saturday evening, and then he and his friend who lives in my neighborhood met up with my friends and me later at a bar down the street. We had a couple of drinks there, ended up at a friend's apartment for a little after party and then at his friend's townhouse.
It turned out his friend hadn't slept at all the night before, so he grabbed some food and his dog and threw blankets over us. "Y'all have fun," he said and disappeared upstairs.
I'm not sure my guy had that much sleep either. We kissed for a while then took each other's clothes off and got cozy on the big, black leather sofa. That's when it happened. I heard snoring. While I was inside of him.
After the initial shock, I was horrified. I stood and looked at his naked body for a moment listening to him snore. Then I put my clothes on and bundled up in my coat for the short walk home in the below freezing, middle-of-the-night temperatures. I did throw a blanket over him before I left.
My phone woke me up mid morning Sunday. It was him. "Can I come over?" he asked.
I had to know what would happen. "Okay," I said, and in five minutes he knocked on my door.
He apologized about five different ways for falling asleep on me.
"It happens," I said. "You were tired."
He apologized again, but I had to know if he realized the rest. "Something happened that was a first. You fell asleep while you were inside of me."
This time he was speechless. His eyes were huge, and then his face changed to look skeptical.
"I couldn't make that up," I said.
He believed me and made up for it that morning.
Over drinks last night he brought it up again. My words made an impression. He repeated exactly what I told him about being a first for me, then he apologized again.
Si i told him more. "What was fascinating is that you were still hard."
He was speechless. Again. But this time, I think I saw a bit of male pride. It proves to me that the brain and cock operate completely separate.
I think we'll continue being friends. Lovers. For now at least. Whatever our label is or isn't, I know he won't forget me or what happened either. This time, falling asleep wasn't a deal breaker, but if it happens again . . .
Love to the single girls,
Addison
P.S. Only a really good friend would let me in her apartment on the walk home in the middle of that night, and then sit on the floor together listening to my horrifying story without laughing until almost five o'clock in the morning. xx
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Crazy
The word crazy comes up quite often in this single life. Last weekend, I heard it twice.
Once was from my good friend. She was talking with a guy from the neighborhood the other day. When my name came up in conversation, he said, "She's crazy." What he meant by crazy is a mystery since I only know him as well as hellos and a few short conversations at the local pub. He's extremely tall and young, and he told me I'm a MILF a couple of months ago, and he doesn't know me at all. A little crazy?
There's a huge difference between acting crazy and being crazy. This guy watches the world from his at least 6'5" vantage point and doesn't often participate. He just observes from way up there. So maybe it's the clothes I wear that make him think I'm crazy. Maybe it's because he sees me talk to most anyone or because I always hug my friends. Maybe he doesn't like that I can't reach him for a hug. Or maybe he heard something about me - true or not - that makes him think I truly am crazy.
On the opposite extreme, my new good friend, the one who seems like one of the good guys, told me again over the weekend how together, stable and not crazy I seem to him. That's why he likes me. He admires that I'm so normal but still have fun. Live life. I feel the same way about him. We've spent a lot of time together in this new year, so he qualifies as much as most to have an opinion.
I've noticed we single girls (and guys too) get a little crazier than normal after a breakup. It's part of the process for many. Part of reaching normal again, and that's okay as long as it doesn't become dangerous or last forever. That's where I am.
Everyone needs a little crazy. It's what gives us personality; what makes us human. Without a dose of crazy, we would be like Stepford wives. Robots. Aliens. We would no longer be human.
I'm not changing, so love me or not; crazy and all.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Once was from my good friend. She was talking with a guy from the neighborhood the other day. When my name came up in conversation, he said, "She's crazy." What he meant by crazy is a mystery since I only know him as well as hellos and a few short conversations at the local pub. He's extremely tall and young, and he told me I'm a MILF a couple of months ago, and he doesn't know me at all. A little crazy?
There's a huge difference between acting crazy and being crazy. This guy watches the world from his at least 6'5" vantage point and doesn't often participate. He just observes from way up there. So maybe it's the clothes I wear that make him think I'm crazy. Maybe it's because he sees me talk to most anyone or because I always hug my friends. Maybe he doesn't like that I can't reach him for a hug. Or maybe he heard something about me - true or not - that makes him think I truly am crazy.
On the opposite extreme, my new good friend, the one who seems like one of the good guys, told me again over the weekend how together, stable and not crazy I seem to him. That's why he likes me. He admires that I'm so normal but still have fun. Live life. I feel the same way about him. We've spent a lot of time together in this new year, so he qualifies as much as most to have an opinion.
I've noticed we single girls (and guys too) get a little crazier than normal after a breakup. It's part of the process for many. Part of reaching normal again, and that's okay as long as it doesn't become dangerous or last forever. That's where I am.
Everyone needs a little crazy. It's what gives us personality; what makes us human. Without a dose of crazy, we would be like Stepford wives. Robots. Aliens. We would no longer be human.
I'm not changing, so love me or not; crazy and all.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, January 14, 2013
Letting go of the old
I spent much of my weekend helping a friend and fellow single girl move. It wasn't a planned move. The apartment next door burned, and the smoke and water trashed her bedroom. There were two giant holes in the wall and another in the ceiling. Daylight shined on the mess of drywall and insulation spread across her dresser, bed and the floor. Her home wasn't livable. Her mattress was soaked. Everything smelled like smoke. Each piece of clothing in her closet had to be washed. Since she didn't have much extra money, a small group of friends helped her out.
You have to picture this. It was a regular day. Dishes were still in the kitchen sink. Clothes were still out in her bedroom. Dust had collected. Nothing was packed. And she had a lot of stuff - clothes, nick-knacks, art and craft supplies, and books. Shelves and shelves of books.
I have to confess, I was overwhelmed when I first walked in. All of us were. How could one single girl collect so much stuff? I didn't know where to begin. She sensed our awe and kept saying, "I know I have a lot of stuff; don't judge!" We tossed things in boxes and drove truckloads down the parking lot to her new apartment. I only saw her cry once when her friends told her they had to throw away her drenched, smoke-smelling bed. It wasn't salvageable.
When she started unpacking in her fresh, new place, she admitted she had too much stuff. She told me when I walked in on the third day of the move that she was going to get rid of some books. One of her friends sat her down on the living room floor and brought her box after box to go through and decide what to keep and what to throw away. She did throw things away, and I could tell it was difficult. But a fresh start is on the horizon.
It's always hard to let go of the old, but it's the best way to make room for new.
The other was the most amazing flip flops I've ever owned. They're my gold goddess shoes, and they've carried me around Greece more than once, Mexico, Italy, Yellowstone and countless other places where I've made many memories. It was hard to drop them in the trash. I'll never replace these. I even have the same shoes in silver, but they're just not the same. But I'm sure another pair will find me and carry me through this fresh start and fill me with new memories.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Code word cigarette
I screwed up our code word last night. It was the first time my friend used it and I totally crashed and burned.
My good girl friend had a great idea. When one of our good guy friends and I are out at the same place and stuck in a conversation we don't want to be in, we say "cigarette." It's our code word we need help. It's what we say when we need to be rescued from getting hit on.
We had never executed the code word until last night.
A group of us were standing at the bar at our local pub. Two guys I didn't know had just invited me to join them for an Irish car bomb. I declined but cheered them on. While they were revelling in the shot afterglow, I slipped back over to my friends to avoid needing to use the code word.
He was talking to a women who had really been trying to capture his attention lately.
"Addison, how about a cigarette?" he said.
"No, I'm okay. Thanks," I answered.
What? I completely missed the cue.
I wasn't ready for it. I thought he was just being funny. I should have known since she was so close to him. For some reason, I was clueless until a bit later when he said something about it. He told me she was telling some long, detailed story and he really wanted to get away.
But I bombed. Now that there's been a dress rehearsal, I hope to not let him down next time.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
My good girl friend had a great idea. When one of our good guy friends and I are out at the same place and stuck in a conversation we don't want to be in, we say "cigarette." It's our code word we need help. It's what we say when we need to be rescued from getting hit on.
We had never executed the code word until last night.
A group of us were standing at the bar at our local pub. Two guys I didn't know had just invited me to join them for an Irish car bomb. I declined but cheered them on. While they were revelling in the shot afterglow, I slipped back over to my friends to avoid needing to use the code word.
He was talking to a women who had really been trying to capture his attention lately.
"Addison, how about a cigarette?" he said.
"No, I'm okay. Thanks," I answered.
What? I completely missed the cue.
I wasn't ready for it. I thought he was just being funny. I should have known since she was so close to him. For some reason, I was clueless until a bit later when he said something about it. He told me she was telling some long, detailed story and he really wanted to get away.
But I bombed. Now that there's been a dress rehearsal, I hope to not let him down next time.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Beware of rebound man - Dating rule #5
I'm sharing this one, but it's really aimed at me. I'm breaking one of my own basic dating rules.
Dating rule #5 is never settle for the first guy you meet after a breakup. And beware of the guy who's just out of a relationship. Don't fall for them or let them fall for you. Either way they're rebound guy.
I'm past my first guy since my ex and I split. Way past it. But I still have to be careful of the guys who are seeing freedom for the first time in a while.
This is all about the new guy - the one I'm certain is one of the good ones. His girlfriend of seven years just moved out of his house over the Christmas holidays. He's done with her physically, emotionally, logistically. In fact, he started living virtually alone at least six or eight months ago even though she lived in another bedroom in his house. He started paying all of the bills and doing all of the chores. He also stopped saying I love you and kissing her good morning and good night.
But he's only lived alone for two weeks. And I think he was faithful to her until she moved out - until he met me.
Now everything's all ambiguous. I have the same problem as always - the guy's words don't sync with his actions. Usually they say how much they like me and then go all private, not wanting anyone to know.
Now I've got a guy who treats me like a princess. He kisses me in front of others, puts my coat on me, goes out of his way to open doors. We've been out three times since I ran into him again last week, and we communicate in some way every day. He insists on paying the tab and even holds my hand walking down the street.
His words are different though. He tells me we're just friends. He wants to meet people. Get out and be a little wild with the ladies. I'm all for that since I'm doing the same. He tells me our friendship is first and sex is second.
His actions say they're both important. He's an amazing lover, and he tells me it's the best sex he's had in at least a decade. Last night we only made inside the front door about five steps to the kitchen before we had our clothes off. He takes me to places I've never been before. We're magical together. Is this a friendship?
I don't want to share. He's on the rebound and he should meet other girls, but I don't want to see him do it. I don't want to watch him treat another girl like he treats me. And I've set the bar high for those other girls. If he comes back when the other girls don't measure up, he won't be rebound guy any more.
Until then, we'll continue being the friends we are. Ans I will beware of the new good guy who's on the rebound.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Dating rule #5 is never settle for the first guy you meet after a breakup. And beware of the guy who's just out of a relationship. Don't fall for them or let them fall for you. Either way they're rebound guy.
I'm past my first guy since my ex and I split. Way past it. But I still have to be careful of the guys who are seeing freedom for the first time in a while.
This is all about the new guy - the one I'm certain is one of the good ones. His girlfriend of seven years just moved out of his house over the Christmas holidays. He's done with her physically, emotionally, logistically. In fact, he started living virtually alone at least six or eight months ago even though she lived in another bedroom in his house. He started paying all of the bills and doing all of the chores. He also stopped saying I love you and kissing her good morning and good night.
But he's only lived alone for two weeks. And I think he was faithful to her until she moved out - until he met me.
Now everything's all ambiguous. I have the same problem as always - the guy's words don't sync with his actions. Usually they say how much they like me and then go all private, not wanting anyone to know.
Now I've got a guy who treats me like a princess. He kisses me in front of others, puts my coat on me, goes out of his way to open doors. We've been out three times since I ran into him again last week, and we communicate in some way every day. He insists on paying the tab and even holds my hand walking down the street.
His words are different though. He tells me we're just friends. He wants to meet people. Get out and be a little wild with the ladies. I'm all for that since I'm doing the same. He tells me our friendship is first and sex is second.
His actions say they're both important. He's an amazing lover, and he tells me it's the best sex he's had in at least a decade. Last night we only made inside the front door about five steps to the kitchen before we had our clothes off. He takes me to places I've never been before. We're magical together. Is this a friendship?
I don't want to share. He's on the rebound and he should meet other girls, but I don't want to see him do it. I don't want to watch him treat another girl like he treats me. And I've set the bar high for those other girls. If he comes back when the other girls don't measure up, he won't be rebound guy any more.
Until then, we'll continue being the friends we are. Ans I will beware of the new good guy who's on the rebound.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Eat something for Pete's sake
There's something I saw way too much of over the holidays. People don't eat before they drink. It's usually on purpose.
I heard 6'4" guy tell about his New Year's Eve plans. He was going to eat his last meal about three o'clock then just drink. The other night, another friend started on shots, and then she mentioned the she hadn't eaten all day. We were headed from a restaurant across the street to the neighborhood pub.
"How about a french fry or something?" I said. "It itn't good to not eat. It can mess with your metabolism"
She seemed surprised. "I think I look pretty good for my age," she said.
"Of course. You look fabulous for any age. It's just healthier to eat." Actually, she's beautiful, but her body could look better. And she's earning the nickname Drunk Xxxx, (sorry, I don't use names). A few meals might help her not fall into people's laps and kiss girls on the lips after she's had too much.
One drink on an empty stomach and I feel nauseous. I have to eat to make it through the day. Besides, I like food.
Then there's my friend who was nursing his breakup and had the meltdown the other night. He just doesn't eat. He's a little guy and food just never seems to be a part of his day.
Bon appetite, cheers and love to the single girls,
Addison
I heard 6'4" guy tell about his New Year's Eve plans. He was going to eat his last meal about three o'clock then just drink. The other night, another friend started on shots, and then she mentioned the she hadn't eaten all day. We were headed from a restaurant across the street to the neighborhood pub.
"How about a french fry or something?" I said. "It itn't good to not eat. It can mess with your metabolism"
She seemed surprised. "I think I look pretty good for my age," she said.
"Of course. You look fabulous for any age. It's just healthier to eat." Actually, she's beautiful, but her body could look better. And she's earning the nickname Drunk Xxxx, (sorry, I don't use names). A few meals might help her not fall into people's laps and kiss girls on the lips after she's had too much.
One drink on an empty stomach and I feel nauseous. I have to eat to make it through the day. Besides, I like food.
Then there's my friend who was nursing his breakup and had the meltdown the other night. He just doesn't eat. He's a little guy and food just never seems to be a part of his day.
Bon appetite, cheers and love to the single girls,
Addison
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Don't call it dating - Dating rule #4
The whole label thing perplexes me. Hanging out. Friends. Fuck buddies. Boyfriend-girlfriend. Dating. The list could go on.
Let me put it onto real-life perspective. My alcoholic friend I wrote about yesterday blames his current heavy drinking on his break up. They spent almost every moment together for seven months, but she was only his "home girl" and I'm not sure what she called him. If he never claimed they were dating, can you use a break up as an excuse?
When two single people meet and spend time together, what do you call it?
Dating rule #4, whatever you do, don't call it dating unless you're dead certain you both agree on the right label.
6'4" guy said to me for weeks, "When are you going to go out with me?" Each time he posed the question amongst an entire table of friends at the local pub. Once I finally gave in, he refused to let anyone see a touch or a kiss. I said the word dating as I told him one of my rules of dating - not referring to us - and he scolded me.
"We're not dating," he said.
"I never said we were," I answered. And we weren't. Besides, outside of dating, scolding isn't allowed. Another deal breaker. Our label is a big, fat nothing.
I was at the pub last night with a small group of friends and 6'4" guy showed up. Someone mentioned that I had met someone in front of him. He was so interested. "When did you meet him? What's his name?" Then after he left, he sent me this text. Mr. No Label already has us labeled.
"I admit it was tough not to want to take you home. But I hope you and your new beau are happy."
I think the good guy I've been out with a few times and I are better off not calling it anything. Label-less. We're just going to be.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Let me put it onto real-life perspective. My alcoholic friend I wrote about yesterday blames his current heavy drinking on his break up. They spent almost every moment together for seven months, but she was only his "home girl" and I'm not sure what she called him. If he never claimed they were dating, can you use a break up as an excuse?
When two single people meet and spend time together, what do you call it?
Dating rule #4, whatever you do, don't call it dating unless you're dead certain you both agree on the right label.
6'4" guy said to me for weeks, "When are you going to go out with me?" Each time he posed the question amongst an entire table of friends at the local pub. Once I finally gave in, he refused to let anyone see a touch or a kiss. I said the word dating as I told him one of my rules of dating - not referring to us - and he scolded me.
"We're not dating," he said.
"I never said we were," I answered. And we weren't. Besides, outside of dating, scolding isn't allowed. Another deal breaker. Our label is a big, fat nothing.
I was at the pub last night with a small group of friends and 6'4" guy showed up. Someone mentioned that I had met someone in front of him. He was so interested. "When did you meet him? What's his name?" Then after he left, he sent me this text. Mr. No Label already has us labeled.
"I admit it was tough not to want to take you home. But I hope you and your new beau are happy."
I think the good guy I've been out with a few times and I are better off not calling it anything. Label-less. We're just going to be.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, January 7, 2013
A sad state
My name is Addison and my friend is an alcoholic. A raging one.
His latest excuse is this week's breakup with his girlfriend. She's also an alcoholic and they were imploding together. She had no job nor was motivated to get one. With the unemployment checks no longer coming, she was content sitting in the bar with him all afternoon and evening. Drinking. Together. Until neither could walk. He got tired of paying for it all so he broke up with her.
He's in no better shape. Last night I met him for a drink. He needed a friend. He told me about the final straw with his girlfriend and shared his dream to have kids someday. He was happy and communicative at that point. He bragged about the last few days he had gone without drinking and about getting up that morning and going for a run.
He also expressed how he needs friends to help him fight the loneliness.
Then the switch flipped. He had at least one shot of Crown after we talked and almost to the minute about 15 minutes later he changed. He spoke in a threatening way to me about how he knew what I was up to and everyone was trying to take advantage of me. You could see the change in his face.
He said he was going home and would come back to pay his tab later, but then he refused to pay it because he said he already had. Finally he pulled out his driver's licence to pay with. He asked me to help him walk home and sit with him while he falls asleep. Then he fell backwards on his ass off a tall bar stool and elbowed me in the chest on the way down. The guy eating his dinner down the bar popped up to pull him off the floor. He asked him if he was okay but shook his head the whole time.
Once my friend was upright for a moment, he turned around and yelled at the guy.
For the second time over the weekend, I yelled at him. "Shut up. Now is the time to zip your mouth. Go home and don't say another word."
I don't yell at people.
After he left I sat and ate my dinner while the people at the bar talked in amazement about what happened. I realized I was used to this behavior from him. I don't know what responsible single girl would want a relationship with him. Any girl who would have his babies is crazier than he is.
I know my friend needs serious rehab. His family should take care of it if they can, but I'm afraid they're in a similar situation. That's a sad state.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
His latest excuse is this week's breakup with his girlfriend. She's also an alcoholic and they were imploding together. She had no job nor was motivated to get one. With the unemployment checks no longer coming, she was content sitting in the bar with him all afternoon and evening. Drinking. Together. Until neither could walk. He got tired of paying for it all so he broke up with her.
He's in no better shape. Last night I met him for a drink. He needed a friend. He told me about the final straw with his girlfriend and shared his dream to have kids someday. He was happy and communicative at that point. He bragged about the last few days he had gone without drinking and about getting up that morning and going for a run.
He also expressed how he needs friends to help him fight the loneliness.
Then the switch flipped. He had at least one shot of Crown after we talked and almost to the minute about 15 minutes later he changed. He spoke in a threatening way to me about how he knew what I was up to and everyone was trying to take advantage of me. You could see the change in his face.
He said he was going home and would come back to pay his tab later, but then he refused to pay it because he said he already had. Finally he pulled out his driver's licence to pay with. He asked me to help him walk home and sit with him while he falls asleep. Then he fell backwards on his ass off a tall bar stool and elbowed me in the chest on the way down. The guy eating his dinner down the bar popped up to pull him off the floor. He asked him if he was okay but shook his head the whole time.
Once my friend was upright for a moment, he turned around and yelled at the guy.
For the second time over the weekend, I yelled at him. "Shut up. Now is the time to zip your mouth. Go home and don't say another word."
I don't yell at people.
After he left I sat and ate my dinner while the people at the bar talked in amazement about what happened. I realized I was used to this behavior from him. I don't know what responsible single girl would want a relationship with him. Any girl who would have his babies is crazier than he is.
I know my friend needs serious rehab. His family should take care of it if they can, but I'm afraid they're in a similar situation. That's a sad state.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Sunday, January 6, 2013
I think he's one of the good guys
The other night at the bar, I ran into a guy I met a few months ago. When I first arrived, I went to grab a glass of wine.
"You smell good," a male voice said.
I looked over and we realized we had met before. At the time he had a girlfriend, and now he doesn't.
We talked off and on all evening. I saw him get a chair for a young women I know who had consumed way too much alcohol for her small body. She could hardly stand. He asked good questions and listened to the answers. He answered questions I asked. He met and talked to some of my friends. He was friendly. Likable. We traded numbers and he walked me to my building, then went back to meet his friend.
He texted me twice that night before I went to sleep. Then we went out the next night and last night too, and he's sent a couple of chatty texts today.
I admit I'm bad at picking guys. I'm too trusting and overlook the negatives. I'm trying to get better, so I've started looking at the pluses and the minuses.
I liked him the first time we met a few months ago. He's attractive and interesting to talk to. We went to the same university, have the same degree and similar upbringing. And neither of us has kids.
Over the last four days, I've learned lots of good things. He loves animals and has two dogs - one he rescued as a puppy from the middle of a busy intersection. He loves Christmas and tradition and family. He has two Christmas trees and wasn't even in town to enjoy them since he was with his family. He still respects and cares for his girlfriend and doesn't talk trash about her. He opens doors for me and helps me with my coat. He seems equally as comfortable hanging out just with me or with his friends or mine. He notices things - when my drink's getting low, when a situation's awkward, when it's time to leave. And he's an attentive, amazing, beautiful lover.
For the other side of the list, he's a smoker, not a good thing since I have asthma. He's fresh out of a seven-year relationship. Although they had both emotionally checked out about eight months ago, she just moved out of his house over the holidays. She still has some clothes and things there - and a key that he says she hasn't used since she moved out. That's fresh. Almost raw.
What pleases me most is that we're not private. He's openly affectionate and seems happy being out as a couple. He even reached out and held my hand as we walked up the street. We're both in a similar place in our lives. Neither of us wants the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but rather someone we enjoy hanging out with and going out together.
We're not dating. I'm not sure we've even reached the label stage yet, but I enjoy being around him. He seems just a little too good to be true. Are there scary things hiding somewhere?
Love to the single girls,
Addison
"You smell good," a male voice said.
I looked over and we realized we had met before. At the time he had a girlfriend, and now he doesn't.
We talked off and on all evening. I saw him get a chair for a young women I know who had consumed way too much alcohol for her small body. She could hardly stand. He asked good questions and listened to the answers. He answered questions I asked. He met and talked to some of my friends. He was friendly. Likable. We traded numbers and he walked me to my building, then went back to meet his friend.
He texted me twice that night before I went to sleep. Then we went out the next night and last night too, and he's sent a couple of chatty texts today.
I admit I'm bad at picking guys. I'm too trusting and overlook the negatives. I'm trying to get better, so I've started looking at the pluses and the minuses.
I liked him the first time we met a few months ago. He's attractive and interesting to talk to. We went to the same university, have the same degree and similar upbringing. And neither of us has kids.
Over the last four days, I've learned lots of good things. He loves animals and has two dogs - one he rescued as a puppy from the middle of a busy intersection. He loves Christmas and tradition and family. He has two Christmas trees and wasn't even in town to enjoy them since he was with his family. He still respects and cares for his girlfriend and doesn't talk trash about her. He opens doors for me and helps me with my coat. He seems equally as comfortable hanging out just with me or with his friends or mine. He notices things - when my drink's getting low, when a situation's awkward, when it's time to leave. And he's an attentive, amazing, beautiful lover.
For the other side of the list, he's a smoker, not a good thing since I have asthma. He's fresh out of a seven-year relationship. Although they had both emotionally checked out about eight months ago, she just moved out of his house over the holidays. She still has some clothes and things there - and a key that he says she hasn't used since she moved out. That's fresh. Almost raw.
What pleases me most is that we're not private. He's openly affectionate and seems happy being out as a couple. He even reached out and held my hand as we walked up the street. We're both in a similar place in our lives. Neither of us wants the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but rather someone we enjoy hanging out with and going out together.
We're not dating. I'm not sure we've even reached the label stage yet, but I enjoy being around him. He seems just a little too good to be true. Are there scary things hiding somewhere?
Love to the single girls,
Addison
There's an art to grunge - Dating rule #3
The other night at the bar, the night my friend was such a sloppy drunk, turned out to be a good night for me. When I first arrived, I went to the bar to grab a glass of wine.
"You smell good," a male voice said.
I looked over and it was the man sitting at the bar who had turned around in my direction. Then we both realized we had met a few months ago. We talked some then but he had a girlfriend at the time. Now he doesn't.
Then I walked back to my friends and said all of my hellos, which usually comes with a hug. Some people don't have that fresh, I-showered-today smell. I'm not sure if it's their hair, clothes or bodies, but I'm not sure a few of them had showered in a day or two.
Dating rule #3 - make sure they wash themselves and their clothes.
A lot of people like to have that grunge look. Two-day beard, messy hair, ripped jeans and a flannel shirt with a ripped t-shirt. This look is great, but clothes, bodies and hair are clean. Grunge may be messy , but it doesn't mean looking homeless.
When I first moved to this area, one of my long-time friends (from before I even knew my ex), hung out with me in the area a couple of times. She told me I stuck out here.
"Everyone's so grunge and you're too put together. Miss perfect," she said.
I don't know, I guess it's just who I am.
The 6'4" guy I've written about a couple of times recently tries to pull it off. He does the button-up shirt unbuttoned with a t-shirt underneath. But it always looks like he pulled the shirts from his closet floor where they've been wadded up since last Memorial Day. My good friend laughed at him because of this - especially after he treated me so badly.
She got so annoyed with him about so many other things, one thing I hadn't mentioned to her is a part she couldn't see. His hippie-looking pubes. I'm afraid she would've laughed in his face. Maybe he needs that. Yes, pubes should be groomed. It's part of being clean. It's a deal breaker.
The guy I ran into again and I talked off and on throughout the night and exchanged numbers. I wonder if things would've happened that way if his nose hadn't caught a scent he liked. He smelled good too.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
"You smell good," a male voice said.
I looked over and it was the man sitting at the bar who had turned around in my direction. Then we both realized we had met a few months ago. We talked some then but he had a girlfriend at the time. Now he doesn't.
Then I walked back to my friends and said all of my hellos, which usually comes with a hug. Some people don't have that fresh, I-showered-today smell. I'm not sure if it's their hair, clothes or bodies, but I'm not sure a few of them had showered in a day or two.
Dating rule #3 - make sure they wash themselves and their clothes.
A lot of people like to have that grunge look. Two-day beard, messy hair, ripped jeans and a flannel shirt with a ripped t-shirt. This look is great, but clothes, bodies and hair are clean. Grunge may be messy , but it doesn't mean looking homeless.
When I first moved to this area, one of my long-time friends (from before I even knew my ex), hung out with me in the area a couple of times. She told me I stuck out here.
"Everyone's so grunge and you're too put together. Miss perfect," she said.
I don't know, I guess it's just who I am.
The 6'4" guy I've written about a couple of times recently tries to pull it off. He does the button-up shirt unbuttoned with a t-shirt underneath. But it always looks like he pulled the shirts from his closet floor where they've been wadded up since last Memorial Day. My good friend laughed at him because of this - especially after he treated me so badly.
She got so annoyed with him about so many other things, one thing I hadn't mentioned to her is a part she couldn't see. His hippie-looking pubes. I'm afraid she would've laughed in his face. Maybe he needs that. Yes, pubes should be groomed. It's part of being clean. It's a deal breaker.
The guy I ran into again and I talked off and on throughout the night and exchanged numbers. I wonder if things would've happened that way if his nose hadn't caught a scent he liked. He smelled good too.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Friday, January 4, 2013
Good deeds for a fellow single girl
Last night I walked down the street to a local hangout with some friends. It started out just a relaxed evening at the bar. A few people who had been away for the holidays are home now so we all caught up.
Just after arriving, I saw a couple of my new friends out on a girls night. They were both absolutely smashed, and were still doing shots. One of the girls had recently split up with her boyfriend. She's petite and had reached the point where she gripped the side of a table and rocked back and forth sort of like when you're on boat in rough waters. Her tall friend walked her home safely and came back.
She drank more. The extra several inches she had on our petite friend's height didn't buy more than maybe half an hour of sobriety. So I pulled in a guy friend and we both recommended she stay with her friend or me rather than making the half-hour drive home. We tried to take her keys but she slurred over and over, "I'm fine," and wouldn't hand them over.
I went back to my friends and kept one eye on her until she hunched over at the bar with her face almost in our friend's lap. He cradled her head until she threw up at least two cups of liquid all over the floor - and his shoes. I haven't seen that done since college. He walked her into the ladies' room where she threw up more. That's a true friend.
The whole bar stared. The bouncers went for the mop. We went for her keys and purse then discussed who was going to take her for the night. I had offered already but was having second thoughts after all of the vomiting. That's when I learned about her safe-place-to-sleep-it-off agreement with one of the other guys. He said he would take her. That's a true friend.
As he led her out the back door, two bouncers watched with big-brother concern.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"We just don't want her to wake up next to some guy and hate herself in the morning," one said.
The other nodded. "Do they know each other?"
"Yes. They have an agreement for him to take care of her if this happens."
It broke my heart to see not one but two fellow single girls so sloppy drunk. It warmed my heart to see that two big bouncer guys care. I was thankful the girls were among friends who are concerned enough to keep her safe and take her wallet and keys - not steal them but with the intention to give them back in the morning.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Just after arriving, I saw a couple of my new friends out on a girls night. They were both absolutely smashed, and were still doing shots. One of the girls had recently split up with her boyfriend. She's petite and had reached the point where she gripped the side of a table and rocked back and forth sort of like when you're on boat in rough waters. Her tall friend walked her home safely and came back.
She drank more. The extra several inches she had on our petite friend's height didn't buy more than maybe half an hour of sobriety. So I pulled in a guy friend and we both recommended she stay with her friend or me rather than making the half-hour drive home. We tried to take her keys but she slurred over and over, "I'm fine," and wouldn't hand them over.
I went back to my friends and kept one eye on her until she hunched over at the bar with her face almost in our friend's lap. He cradled her head until she threw up at least two cups of liquid all over the floor - and his shoes. I haven't seen that done since college. He walked her into the ladies' room where she threw up more. That's a true friend.
The whole bar stared. The bouncers went for the mop. We went for her keys and purse then discussed who was going to take her for the night. I had offered already but was having second thoughts after all of the vomiting. That's when I learned about her safe-place-to-sleep-it-off agreement with one of the other guys. He said he would take her. That's a true friend.
As he led her out the back door, two bouncers watched with big-brother concern.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"We just don't want her to wake up next to some guy and hate herself in the morning," one said.
The other nodded. "Do they know each other?"
"Yes. They have an agreement for him to take care of her if this happens."
It broke my heart to see not one but two fellow single girls so sloppy drunk. It warmed my heart to see that two big bouncer guys care. I was thankful the girls were among friends who are concerned enough to keep her safe and take her wallet and keys - not steal them but with the intention to give them back in the morning.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A single girl's New Year's Eve
My first New Year's Eve in my new single life was interesting. Parts of it were a little bizarre.
I wanted to do something fun with lots of friends, so I went to a local bar. They dressed it up with black and gold balloons, streamers and noisemakers, and there were more heels than I've seen in a long time. Since it's a local hangout, we could walk instead of getting on the road with all of the crazies.
I didn't know what to expect. So I put on a fun outfit and was tricycle wheel with a friend couple. A few of my best new friends were there, and everyone wanted to just let loose and have fun. It was free drinking and they did. Trays of shots. Trays of everything. Amateur night. I enjoyed myself but didn't go overboard since I already had for my birthday.
That night, I heard a couple of the most unique pickup lines. The winner was the man by the bar. I turned around with my drink and he just stared at me. I felt like I had a tampon in my hair or something. Then he reached out and gently brushed my hair away from my face.
"Beautiful. Just beautiful," he said.
I busted out laughing. Really?
"Thank you. I have to meet my friends now."
"Like what?"
"Like you're trying to make my dick hard."
Yeah, really. "No, I just like your shirt."
Then for other randomness, I got a text about 9 minutes into the new year from the guy I dated before my ex. I hadn't heard except for one email in over a year. Why was I one of the first people he thought of in the new year?
"Let's catch up soon!" he said.
More on this if he follows through. Don't worry, we didn't work then so why would we now? I may make mistakes more than once, but rarely with the same person.
But the evening's winning memory was at the after party. And it's about a single girl I've written about before. As dawn grew closer, I sat at the bottom of my friend's spiral stairs. It's where I wouldn't get stepped on and could watch the drunk people get more drunk.
Not long after I sat down, I looked up the stairs and a women I know was walking down. She was wearing a dress much shorter and tighter than her figure should have allowed and had been sending flirty texts to several of my friends. As she got closer, all I saw was a giant bush - a growler as my English friend said they call it at home. Wow. No wonder she didn't have panty lines.
Not long after I sat down, I looked up the stairs and a women I know was walking down. She was wearing a dress much shorter and tighter than her figure should have allowed and had been sending flirty texts to several of my friends. As she got closer, all I saw was a giant bush - a growler as my English friend said they call it at home. Wow. No wonder she didn't have panty lines.
I'll remember this one forever. I hope you made memories, too.
Addison
Wishes and dreams
The dream catcher made me think about New Year's Eve. I wore a vintage 1980s jumpsuit with harem-style pants. Wearing the outfit was fun and a good conversation starter. All night, people told me I looked like a genie. Then they made wishes.
It was the wishes and the way people made them that was most interesting.
Both girls and guys in the bar made wishes. I knew most of them but a few I didn't know. None of the guys said their wishes out loud. The girls did. They all wished for love.
I more of a believer in wishes and dreams than New Year's resolutions. Wishes and dreams don't have an expiration date. New Year's resolutions seem to expire on December 31. Then what happens to them?
Resolutions seem to be made just to be forgotten. Do you remember the New Year's resolutions you made when you were 8 or 21 or even last year? But I'll bet you remember your wishes and dreams. You may still have them. Even better, they may have come true.
I have wishes and dreams, but I guess I think more like the guys because I'm not going to say them out loud - or write them where you can read them. Then they may not come true.
I am like the girls in one way (and probably the guys, too). Everyone just wants to be loved.
But I do wish I was a genie so I could make everyone's wishes come true. Maybe the dream catcher will help.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
My hair's even tired
This single girl has overdone it. I slept most of this New Year's Day morning and wanted a nap most of the afternoon.
I confess, these holidays have worn me out. Seriously. I was drying my hair today, and it just fell in exhaustion.
Since the weekend before Christmas, I hosted three parties (one with a friend) and attended at least five - plus the random evenings out. And for some reason, this holiday season called for after parties for most every one. The after parties each call for a day of recovery. I'm out of days.
The rest of the week is for catch up. Well, except for the party and dinner later this week. Catch up on sleep. Catch on writing more blogs. And work. That stuff I did none of throughout the entire holiday.
I'm learning a lesson from Lucy. Sleep well.
Happy New Year and love to the single girls!
Addison
If you say no the first time - Dating rule #2
The 6'4" guy was there. He's always around, and that night seemed to be there every time I turned around. We didn't talk there but I wanted closure. He did go to my friend's place for the after party. And I got closure.
He walked over and I said, "I want to tell you my main rule of dating . . . "
"We weren't dating," he said.
"I know - whatever you call it. My main rule of seeing men. If you're not man enough to kiss in front of friends you're not man enough to have sex with me."
"You're great in bed but I guess we disagree. I hope we can still be friends."
Really?
"We'll see," I said.
"I hope so," he said. "You have to understand, I would give up sex for alcohol."
That's a deal breaker. Even for a casual relationship.
Then I leaned up from the bottom stair I was standing on to kiss him, and he pushed me away just like what started all of this. "You know how I feel about that," he said.
"And you know how I feel about it." I leaned up again and we kissed. I had my last word.
The conversation made me think about how important it is to follow your gut and dating rule #2. If you say no when someone asks you out the first and second and third time, keep saying no. It's the right answer.
Persistence is not a good quality in dating - or whatever you call it.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
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