Being a free spirit

It's taken me a long time to embrace the fact that I'm a free spirit. Friends back in high school noticed as have good friends today.Society's norms don't matter to me. I do what feels right.

But being a free spirit isn't always easy. It's why I've had some bad relationships. It's why my friends are all so different. Many of them don't conform to what society expects either - each in his or her own way. I tend to adapt to them when we're together, and that freaks some people out.

The main part of my journey to recover from my last bad - and very long relationship - is rediscovering who I am. Freeing my spirit again. But I also want to tame it enough to work.

I'm also learning to not accept situations when people don't treat me well and with respect. But I have a hard time letting people know when things aren't right. I'd rather just accept their behavior and then walk away if and when it gets to be too much. This isn't right though and I'm trying to get better.

There are experiments and missteps along the journey. I've made mistakes. Many of them. Some of them end up on this blog. It's how I process problems and figure out solutions. I'll make more mistakes. I promise. And I also promise to try to deal with them better. And I hope my true friends find forgiveness if I go too far.

Here's to hoping everyone lets their spirit be free.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Sleeping through

Sleep has always been something to do when I'm tired. It usually happens between midnight and 7 in the morning - give or take an hour or two. Very rarely do I miss out on something because I'm sleeping.

Others do though. I saw it happen when I was on vacation recently.

The man in the middle seat on my flight home was chatting with the guy on the aisle who was a pilot for the airline and flying in uniform. It turned out the wife of the guy in the middle was a flight dispatcher, so they talked shop. They talked about the strange flight paths they have to take when they fly non-rev. But middle seat guy was on the flight with me because he slept through his last connection at the gate. He even told the pilot on my row he'd be asleep before the jet reached 10,000 feet.

He was right. But we were still taxiing to our runway when his head started bobbing and  the snores came. We weren't even off the ground yet and nowhere near 10k feet.

On my cruise with my friends a couple of weeks ago, one of the three of us missed a couple of evenings out because she opted for sleep. Those were some fun nights. We made some memories but she wasn't with us and we missed her. She was tired though.

I had to laugh. I was writing a blurb for a magazine about our cruise late one night. I was on the sofa with my laptop. This is what I found on my screen when I woke up:

"We have heard the term “trbe” ay times. It’sttrue ddddddddddddddddddd"

Speaking of sleep, I've missed a little sleep during my Breaking Bad marathon over the last few weeks,Sometimes sleep just isn't the top priority.We can always sleep next week.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I confess. I'm hooked.

I'm totally addicted to Breaking Bad. Facebook exploded with comments about the show every week during each season, but I had never watched it until about six weeks ago when a friend played the pilot for me.

One taste and I was hooked. I recorded the final season and planned to catch the rest of the series on Netflix.Then AMC had a marathon leading up to the series finale. the 60-odd shows filled my DVR. And it's filled my days ever since. I know I'm addicted to it because I can't make it through a day without watching one. I haven't been going out as often, so some days I can watch a couple. Sometimes I stay up too late. The way each show ends makes it hard to not start the next one.

Breaking Bad isn't just a TV show. It's an epic story that makes me question the character of everyone I know. Walt, the main character, is someone everyone liked at the beginning. Six seasons and just over a year in TV time changed everything. He changed from a desperate man trying to survive to a el diablo who also brought his wife down and put his kids in danger. It makes me wonder what lawyers really do, what's going on behind the scenes at the car wash and where my high school chemistry teacher ended up.

The show helps me understand why I tend to go for the bad boys. I adore Jesse. He's hopelessly flawed and bad luck follows him. He starts out a drug-addicted loser and turns into a hero.

There are four episodes left. Since it's a show full of unexpected twists and turns I don't know what to expect. But I'm going to sleep now and will find out soon.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Consistently inconsistent

A couple of months ago I met a guy. He lives in the next state. And we hit it off over the weekend we met. He made me promise I would call him that week, and I did. I always do what I say I'll do. Since then, we've spent two really fun weekends together 

One thing I really liked about him was that he told me how much he believes in good communications. And we did communicate. During those three days I was at his place, we talked about the relationships we came from, where we are in life and how we felt about each other. We texted and talked for the next week.

Then he went dark. I didn't hear a word for about 10 days. I heard something happened that embarrassed him - something he had to deal with and  he wasn't ready for me to hear about it.

Then he came back. It was like we had talked that morning. He told me what happened and it was okay. I understood. He called me sweetheart and the communication was back. We both looked forward to seeing each other again.

Then we spent an amazing weekend together at my place. We were relaxed. He was affectionate and called me sweetheart. We talked about a couple of weekend trips over the next two months. After his three-hour drive home, he called and told me what a great time he had and he looked forward to the next visit. I did too.

That was the last I heard from him in three weeks. Another communication blackout.

After his visit, he went on vacation and I did as well. We agreed to talk before his vacation, but I didn't hear from him, I texted. Then I texted about the first of our weekend trips we talked about. It's less than two weeks away now but we haven't confirmed plans or bought tickets. I've only texted three times since his visit. Would a phone call be worth while before giving up?

I agree with him that communication is important, but, to me, consistent is part of that equation.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

The worst 6 words a single girl could hea

I think I heard the worst possible six words any single girl could hear at the start of a Caribbean cruise last week. The little getaway was with two of my non-single good girlfriends who are always on the lookout for a match for me.

We hadn't been on the ship for long when I popped down to check the time of our dinner reservation. A man in front of me had the same question. When the maitre d' asked if he was with a group, the man spoke the six horrifying words.

 "I'm with the group of priests."

Only I would be on the cruise with the majority of the single male passengers actually being attached to God.

I shared this with couple of friends who suggested they may not be Catholic priests. To me it makes no difference. I'm not the minister's wife type. 

Honestly I wasn't looking to meet someone on the cruise. It was a girl trip. A chance to relax and have fun away from guys. Perhaps it was a little divine intervention to make that happen.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

What's the best way to let a guy down?

What are the best ways to let someone know you're not interested? I'm not talking about breaking up with someone you've been going out with for months. This is a just a step or two after the first time you meet someone and know right off there's nothing there.

This is what you say to someone after seeing them a time or two. You've spent just enough time with him to see the red flags pop out. Maybe he talks too much about himself. Even if it's interesting talk, I say it's a deal breaker. Then he's the guy that turns into an animal the first moment you're alone together. To many hands!

So what do you say when they call and text about wanting to go out again? I try being busy and hope if I'm busy long enough they'll give up. But my bad date from a few weeks ago kept coming back. I was busy at least three weekends in a row and it didn't seem to matter. He kept coming back.

I want back and forth on what to say. Should I tell him I'm seeing someone else? I kind of am, but is it really any of his business? My friend pointed out that he might get the wrong idea. Considering his ego, he would think if I hadn't picked the other guy I would've picked him, As I told my friend, I would rather spend every night in my apartment with Lucy than with him.

I don't want to be too vague or too bitchy or too passive. So what do you say to end it before it starts?  

Love to the single girls,
Addison

I believe in freedom

I believe adults in America should be free to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt others. That includes smoking, drinking and eating too much ice cream - and most any of those habits people pick up.

Smoking especially is a common and also very social thing. I've never seen people interact as much as they do in the smoking culture. They'll even ask perfect strangers for a cigarette or a light. Would you ever ask a stranger for a french fry or bite of steak off their plate?

I'm not a smoker, and I truly don't mind when people smoke if they're polite smokers. I have asthma so I have to be careful around it.

Something interesting happened though that continues to bother me a week later. My friend who visited for the weekend recently is a smoker. A polite one. He smokes outside, picks up the butts and never smokes around someone while they're eating. He brushes his teeth after smoking - especially if kissing is involved. He even opens car doors and is a perfect gentleman.

But as polite as he is, there's one really bad habit. Right after sex - like within 15 seconds - he has to have a cigarette. And it's not like the 1940s movies when they could lounge in bed together and enjoy a cigarette. He has to go downstairs, put on clothes and go out on the balcony while I lay there. Alone. 

The first time I didn't think too much about it since he had to work all day, drive three hours and then go out. I'd probably need a cigarette after that day and some hot sex. By the third and fourth time, it bothered me - especially one time when i wasn't done yet.

My unscientific way of measuring when habits become addictions is when they get in the way of relationships. It could be a marriage or boss or family or friends. It could also be a new relationship like this one. We have a great time together, but I  don't want to be in bed alone when I'm not. We'll see how much of a gentleman he is next time.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

The longest breath before the kiss that never happened

This week I had the longest breath I've ever experienced. It lasted four days.

On Sunday, I picked up my long-time friend and first love from the airport. I hadn't seen him in more than a decade, and we hadn't been alone together for longer than two minutes since I was 19. That was when we were in love. Then he went home to England. Time passed and we both married. We didn't break up but we moved on and left things unfinished.

I didn't know what to expect when I saw him. We had dinner a couple of times and drinks another. He hung out with some of my friends and I met a few of his work colleagues. We talked for hours like we had just seen each other. We caught up on life. He saw my home and my neighborhood. He sincerely wanted to understand how I live. I told him what happened with my ex. He didn't understand how things like that happen to people like me.

The sexual tension wasn't strong, but it was there. There's no doubt he's committed to his wife, and I had absolutely no intention nor interest in betraying that. There would be no better way to break my heart - and his.

That four days was like the moment when you hold your breath in anticipation of a beautiful kiss.

But the kiss never happened.

On his last night, I dropped him off after dinner and drinks. We sat in my car in front of his hotel and said goodbye at least four or five times and promised we wouldn't go so long between visits. We hugged each time and kissed lightly on the lips. It was respectful. It was nice, like it's always been with him.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Habits

The other night I ventured out to enjoy a quiet dinner at my neighborhood sushi restaurant. Alone. It was an amazing fall evening and I wanted to sit on the patio and eat while I did some writing. So that's what I did.

Until the annoying man sat down three tables away.

I knew he was going to be a problem as soon as he arrived. The first thing he did was unfold his napkin and shake it. And he did it with the intensity it would take to snap at the most ginormous fly on the planet. But it went straight into his lap. . And the napkin pop triggered about 10 very loud sneezes. In a row. While  I was trying to enjoy my sushi. Gross.

Now that his napkin was in place, he was ready to prep his chopsticks. And he did in a way I've never seen it done before. Usually people will quietly rub them together to knock off any stray splinters. Well, this guy rubbed and tapped them so loud it was like a drummer in a band counting off the next song.

Yes, we see you, sir.

Are these habits? Things he does every day?

My eyes went from my salmon to my laptop screen and back. But you know when you can feel someone staring? Everyone's felt it. And he was. Awkwardly.

Finally the owner sat down with him. They talked about whatever - and the man had a really loud voice. But the owner left too soon.

And the man started talking to me!

"Can you believe what he just said to me?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued staring at my screen and typing. I had already mentioned him in the text conversation I was having with my friend.

"You look like you're working so hard," he said.

I nodded. "Yes, I am working."

"What are you working on?"

"Something I'm writing." I know. It was a bit of a cop out, but it was none of his business. And yes, I was working.

Then my pone wrang. It was my friend calling to rescue me. Amazing. Some day I hope to reach the point where I don't have to get rescued from men.

Love to the single girls,
Addison