Is there anything right about this device?

No. Nothing. It takes up hard-to-find space in my 900ish square foot loft. Even more important is the valuable part of my memories it consumes. And it has no function in my day.

This was the Valentine's Day gift from my ex just a month before I moved out. I have to admit, he put more thought into this gift than most, but it's an example of how little attention he paid to understanding what I might like.

He knew how much I loved a good massage. This thing is intended to be a massager. I know, you see them at Brookstone and other gadget places. Many of you probably have one on a shelf somewhere. Do you use it? Would you rather get a massage from this odd device or from human hands?

I prefer hands and fingers massaging the stress away.

Since I'm in another cleaning out phase, it's got to go. I love to get rid of what I'm not using and pass things along to someone who might enjoy them more. Hey, the less stuff there is around here, the more mobile I am.

What's most unique are the accessories he ordered with this one. I still laugh when I look at this. I haven't used any of these to massage any part of my body (or anyone else's). The massager is big and awkward, and the accessories are oddly shape and blue and make the massager even bigger and more awkward. They're just wrong.

Have you ever seen any male genitalia that looked like either of these attachments?

I still laugh at what happened on my moving day. My ex packed two boxes for me the day before the movers came. One was the CDs and DVDS from our merged collection. I'm sure he didn't want me to make off with any of his valuable disks. The other was my nightstand where this useless device was.

He used boxes that barely held together for both. After a long and emotional moving day, the movers went out to the truck to check for anything they may have missed then came back in with the paperwork.

"One box came apart," he said looking rather amused. "And these fell out."

He pulled these two blue things out of his pocket.

"Oh, thanks." What could I say or do but laugh. They smiled too, just the right amount to not be inappropriate.

Let me know if you want it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison