Find God's match for you

When I heard these words this morning, I halted my morning makeup routine, walked into the living area and stared at the TV. My mascara wand still in hand. It was a ChristianMingle.com commercial. 

And the voice really said, "Find God's match for you."

This sentence is either extreme false advertising or brilliant. I've never heard of God having direct interaction with a dating website. Have you? If this company has an inside track to our maker, every married person should divorce immediately and let ChristianMingle.com "Find God's match for you." If you're dating your soul mate, dump them. Now.

And single girls, stop meeting the guys at work, the gym or the bars. Don't listen to your friends who know you better than anyone on the planet when they introduce you to the man they believe will be your perfect mate.

What are you waiting for? Do it now!

Seriously?

God must get a commission from every successful "mingle." But how do they measure it? A date? Hook up? Marriage?  This bullshit must have been around when I was married, but I didn't notice. Please, don't get me wrong, I have NO problem with online dating. There are lots of success stories. I know a few myself.  Nor do I have a problem with religion.

But let's get real. There's no divine dating intervention here. And for anyone who thinks there is, get ready for a long list of disappointments ahead.

The basics of meeting the right people boils down to one simple thing. Meet people you have things in common with. Whether it be skiing, skydiving, golf or God, go where other people who like these things too will be.

Then be yourself. Be real.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Disclaimer
I have never used ChristianMingle.com nor do I know anyone who has. Perhaps there is divine intervention. I have never proven it one way or the other and just use basic common sense and street smarts to come to these conclusions. Happy dating!

We all need our security blankets

Tonight I watched the Peanuts special called "Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown," and like all the cute cartoons they dish out over the holidays, I loved it.

Charles Shultz was a genius. If you've never seen the show, when adorable Linus is told his grandmother will take his security blanket away on her visit next week, he tries to do without it. But it turns him into an ogre.

"That old blanket sucked out my fears and frustrations," Linus said.

I have some things that do that. I'll bet we all do - especially those of us who live alone.

Charlie Brown captured it perfectly while talking to Lucy. "If you had a blanket maybe you wouldn't be so crabby."

Sometimes our security blankets are material objects - a special stuffed animal, a chair your grandmother rocked you to sleep in or a sweater an ex gave you. They are things that bring comfort. 

One of mine is a key chain I've had since not long after I started driving. It's old and bent, but has kept me safe over the years. I feel strange driving without it.

The Christmas decorations I've collected throughout my life are another treasured security blanket. I panicked on Sunday when one of the big plastic boxes was missing. The thought stuck in my head that I had left it in my ex's attic buried under camping gear he never used, the boxes for every computer doodad he's ever owned and various random shit no one will ever need. I didn't want to ask him for it and obsessed about it all week. The only other hope was finding it in my small storage unit. I was afraid to look, but I retrieved it today. I would've sweated losing that blanket.  

Sometimes our security blankets are people. A friend or lover that makes you feel secure and comfortable like an old pair of jeans. But sometimes those old jeans - or relationships - outlive their good.

When Linus' friends laughed at him holding his blanket again, he put them in their places. "Who among you doesn't have an insecurity?"

Linus is right.

We'll all let go of our security blankets when - and if - we're ready. It's up to us to decide.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. For anyone who wants the authentic Linus security blanket in the pic, they are in stores now.

Why can't we communicate?

A Socialcam friend posted a video the other day about all of the recent conversations she's had about relationships. She decided lack of communication was the problem with all of them. She's a smart women and very street wise.

It made me think about why some couples don't communicate. I believe it's two simple reasons. Some don't know they need to - or how. Part of knowing how is understanding it's more than talking. It means listening too. Others are scared shitless of the words they might hear and what might happen.

Sometimes you should be scared. Everyone has skeletons. I hear so many people talk about the things they're not going to tell their new girl or guy. The divorce they don't want to mention or that they're still legally married - or even worse, still fucking their ex! If the new mate can't handle it two weeks into the lust, why would it be any different in six months or five years later when they find out by accident?

You don't have to bury your new hotty under every detail of your tawdry past on your first date, but let them know the important things when the time's right. And be prepared for their reaction. You might see judgment, acceptance, or someone who doesn't give a shit what you did or why. And be ready for your partner's true confessions. These conversations are a good test of character. Do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who's got a felony conviction? Or a love child? Or an ex he still hooks up with? And if he has nothing to share, he's lying to you. I'm just saying.

Here's the biggie. Every girl at times wants to share how they do and don't want to be treated. This is a deal breaker in many relationships.

I used to share these types of feelings with my ex. Almost every time I unleashed a monster. Other times, he would apologize, say he would change. And he did change for a while until he did it again. And again. We communicated until it just wasn't worth it anymore. Eventually I stopped. Why bother?

My ex was always an open communicator. But it's what he communicated that I couldn't handle. He was very honest about how I didn't give head like top porn star Tera Patrick - while I was in the act. What a motivator. He never missed an opportunity to tell me how I should take care of him better and do even more around the house since I had it so easy working from home. Is that communication?

Then there were was the honesty about how I do everything wrong and don't listen to the right music and watch stupid TV programs and how he hates my family and my friends. And then there was my weight during the earlier years.

"You used to have a big ass," he said. "Now you look great."

I hope he enjoyed my hot ass as I walked away from him the last time.

If I ever have another relationship, this is my goal. We should communicate from day one. We should also know and agree on what communication really means. It doesn't mean saying controling, hurtful, hateful things. It means saying what you feel when it happens rather than stewing on it. It takes being thoughtful and constructive about how what they say or do or don't say or do makes me feel. Then it means following through - and expecting my new partner to do the same.

Where I really suck at communicatiing is in forgiving too much too often instead of reacting like I should. Lots of people do this. I tend to believe what a guy says and forgive them when they do something different. What people say should be in sync with their actions. If they're not, DUMP THEM! So many of us could have saved years, heartaches and money if we had been better at the reaction.

And for god's sake, any time there's something important to say, do it in person. A text, email or voicemail could be a deal breaker.

I know you all have thoughts on this topic. Comment back with your suggestions and experiences. We can learn from each other how to communicate better.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Put the phone down before that text!

Over the weekend, I heard a good bit of girl talk before and during the post-Thanksgiving parties. Much of it was about the regretful texts these girls have sent when they've had a few too many.

Now that we're full blown into the holiday season, it's easier for us single single to get a bit lonely. Friends show up at parties with a hot guy on their arm. By the end of the night, the single girls want their own dates. If you meet someone, enjoy it!

But if you're tempted to text an ex or that guy who always acts interested in you (but you're not interested in them) - DON'T DO IT!

Put the phone down and think. Ask yourself if you'd text this guy when you're stone-cold sober. Probably not. And if you would, do you think you'd really text him how much you miss him? How badly you want him right this minute?

Do you really want to see your clothes on his floor tomorrow morning?

Why do a few drinks make a guy so much more appealing? We all have our weak moments. I know I do. If you want to make sure you don't text and regret, delete their number. No number, no text. Ask a friend to keep an eye on you. I'm sure you'll return the favor some day.

Have a blast at those parties meeting more people, and forget about those other guys!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Taking good care

Last night I had dinner with a friend whose been sick for well over a week. Everywhere I go, someone is sick these days. It's not just kids or parents who pick bugs up from their kids. It's the single people too. Chills, coughing, suffy head. He even brought up going to the doctor now.

We single girls (and boys too) don't have time to be sick. Especially this time of year. There's too much to do. There are parties and meeting up with friends for the holiday dinners and more parties. Oh, and I suppose we have to work a little too. No one wants to miss out on a minute of the festivities because of being sick. But a bright red nose isn't the best accessory to accent the little red dress you have picked out for the company party.

So, we single people need to take care of ourselves!

That means sleep. Don't miss any. Maybe store up a little extra for when you might need it most.

Don't let the nip in the air or being a little busier give you an excuse to stop exercising. We need it to chase away germs and get well faster if we do get sick. And just think of how hot you'll look.

If you're still exercising, let yourself go a little crazy at the parties. Don't be the one eating two crarrot sticks and a celery stalk. YAWN! But when you're at home, eat right.

No stressing! Promise? Keep the drama low if you can. It may mean postponing drinks with the friend who's always so tighly wound. You may even have to uninvite the mean sister from holiday gatherings. Whatever it takes.

If you do get sick, STAY IN so you don't get everyone else sick. You wouldn't want to cozy up with the hot guy you just met if he's coughing and blowing his nose every five minutes? Besides, you'll get well faster. I know, being sick when you're single sucks. Just find the Chinese place or any other restaurant that can deliver yummy soup to warm you up. And take it easy.

When you shake the crud, you'll remember how good it feels to be well and try your best to stay that way.

Love to the single girls,
Addision

Beautiful sleep

Three days with family, the drive home and two fun parties last night was enough to make this morning the perfect one for this single girl to sleep in. I probably could have slept through Hurricane Sandy. It was only until about 10:30, but the extra sleep sure felt good. This morning I curled up in bed with coffee and my Sunday newspaper to make the morning last as long as possible.

In case you're wondering, I didn't have to kick a friend out of bed in the wee hours. It's heavenly sometimes to not have someone roll over and want some early morning attention. Or having an empty place so no one rattles around the house or turns on the TV. The early morning light, sounds on the street nor most anything bothers me unless it's an alarm or something else really obnoxious. My ex used to make noise on purpose or just wake me up because he decided it was time to get out of bed.

Now Lucy's the only one who decides it's time to wake up. She'll meow or walk on me, but she's a cat and doesn't know better.

And today I had something to look forward to. I'm still getting my Christmas groove back, so it was decorating day. It's the day to start covering my place with holiday spirit. And it's started. The wreath is hung and the dressed-up garland is draped on the staircase railing. My little apartment-size tree is up, lit and ready for decorating.

This is starting to be fun. Now if I didn't have to work tomorrow.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Merry Christmas, I'm divorced

Since there are some people on my Christmas card list who don't know I've moved, I decided to start mailing cards early this year. The idea sounds easy enough until I sat down to write them. Then I had to figure out what to say.

Merry Christmas, I'm divorced didn't seem like the right sentiment. But what is?

I'm not sure there is a right answer. Some of the people who don't know yet  are relatives I don't see very often. A few are friends in Europe I only trade messages with at holiday time. And others are clients and professional colleagues. Since Hallmark hasn't come up with the Merry Christmas, I'm divorced card yet I had to come up with my own words.

I know cards are a little old fashioned. An e-card just doesn't do it for me. They're too fast to open, skim through and delete. I still like to send a printed card with my handwriting on it that goes through the US Postal Service, Some people still display cards around the house during the season. Even the envelopes are hand addressed. So I started with a"New address!" little message to start off the return address. I hope people notice before they rip the envelope off and throw it away.

Some will have to figure it out since I signed my name solo. Single rather than couple. If they pay attention, they'll notice. For my better friends, I write a note in the card with a few highlights of the year and questions about their families rather than the painful Christmas letters about little Lulu getting to ride a pony and Hunter's broken arm. I wrote these people a simple statement that I've started a new life as a single girl in the big city. Some will be curious and want to know more. Some will judge and give up on me. But that's all I'm willing to share in a Christmas card.

This has also been a great reminder I need to stay in better touch with people throughout the year.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Family

No family is perfect. I would worry about any that claims to be.

The holiday season causes most of us to practice patience - and sometimes restraint - around family. I do. And as the only single grownup in my family, I sometimes feel a bit left out. Isolated. When I close my childhood bedroom door at night when I visit my parents, I'm alone. Just like I was when I was a kid. And I sometimes wonder if my family still looks at me as a kid because of that.

My mom and sister - and even my nieces - did most of the cooking, and I get to bring the fun stuff like wine and munchies we have instead of an evening meal. I helped with the last minute things like making the gravy and Mom didn't even tell me how to stir it this time. This year was also different because my aunt and uncle didn't join us. Since Mom and my aunt had an argument a few weeks ago, they were uninvited. I think my mother was upset that her younger sister because she uses Mom's ideas and doesn't give her credit. Who cares? It's not worth arguing about. But I think they smoothed things over the other day, so we should be safe for Christmas if they can both behave until then.

As I walk through my parents' house, I notice Mom has taken any photos of my ex down. She even asked me if I was okay leaving the figure representing my ex up in the Christmas Caroler family that she displays in the dining room all year. Sure, why not?

Seeing the tidbit of Christmas makes me want to head home and cover my little place with Christmas cheer. That will come tomorrow after doing a little shopping and eating leftover turkey, dressing and all of the yummy sides and pie today.

I was thinking last night about the lady I know who had to go to work at Best Buy at 11 p.m. on Thanksgiving night to serve the crazed shoppers. I also thought about my friend's fiancee who's flying missions in the Middle East as a Naval reservist over this Thanksgiving. Each job has its dangers and I wish safe return home to both. 

Weather you're eating, relaxing, shopping or visiting family or friends, I hope you enjoy whatever you do today. Be safe and have fun.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

A single girl gives thanks

This is a unique Thanksgiving. It's my first one in a long time as a single girl, and it's made me pause and think about what I appreciate the most.

10. A successful career doing work I enjoy.

9.  An income that allows me to live a comfortable life and help others.

8.  Lucy, my neurotic, adorable cat. 

7.  Determination to solve my problems and live a better life.

6.  Happiness.

5.  Curiosity to explore and learn.

4.  Health.

3.  Having a place in this world where I belong.

2.  The friends close by and far away I care deeply about and who also care about me.

1.  Having a family who loves me to go home to.

If you're not American, please take a moment and reflect on what you are most thankful for on this Thanksgiving day. And for Americans everywhere, hoping you have a fulfilled, safe Thanksgiving.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Sometimes I ask why

Yesterday my good friend had a nasty surprise. She's facing a car repair that will cost nearly two grand. Now she'll have a more frugal Christmas and will have to postpone a couple of things she was really looking forward to doing.

Why do things like this happen to good people? I don't know the answer but can't help but think there's a reason. What if she avoided a car accident by not having her car for a few days? What if by postponing her plans for that cash she takes a different direction and gets a better result? I'm glad we'll never know what might have been.

I also ask why I'm where I am. Why I'm in this single life again. What is my purpose and where will I end up? A crystal ball would be fascinating. But do I want to know?

Sometimes I don't ask why. One of the kindest, most vivatious women on this planet was struck with cancer in three parts of her body earlier this year. After surgery, chemo and radiation, she's hopeful. Cancer stole at least eight months of her life and left her family in a financial challenge. And over this holiday season, I'll bet she still lights up every room she walks into.

Love to the single girls.
Addison

Getting my Christmas groove back

Today I took an important step. A big one toward getting my Christmas groove back during my first holiday season as a single girl in a long time. I bought a wreath and decided on the spot in my lil loft apartment to put my tiny tree.

I had always loved the holidays. The music, decorations, shopping and most of all the gift giving, parties and spending time with family and friends. With my birthday halfway between Christmas and New Year, it was one party after another. 

That love dribbled away while I was married. The first couple of years we got into it. We bought a big tree and decorated it together with the ornaments we had acquired together along with the ones I've collected since I was a kid. We traded cool gifts and celebrated with both families. We had fun.

Then he just stopped.

He still wanted the elaborate decorations but wouldn't help. Complaining was all I heard about having to buy me not one, but two gifts. Then he stopped going to the family gatherings. He had a falling out with his aunt and his mom, so that ruled out getting together with his dad's side of the family or his mom and her husband (not that I complained about the latter).

Finally he decided he disliked my family and didn't want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with them either. One Christmas day he whacked me on the head with a book because I was mad at him for backing out on joining my family for the day. No amount of Advil could cure that headache.

Since staying at home cooking and cleaning up by myself with his Grinch self when my family was celebrating close by wasn't an option, he started spending holidays alone.

Then last year Facebook had to remind him of my birthday. It's been a struggle to have fun over the holidays for years.

But this year will be different.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Junk

When I came home from a long day out on Saturday, my neighbors still had a pile of trash sitting outside their door. For days, it was the first thing I saw when I walked onto my floor. I couldn't avoid it. And they make a habit of leaving junk outside their door, even with a trash chute at the end of the hallway.

Rent is way too high this area for residents to have to put up with junk - of any kind.

I feel the same way about women who show their junk. There are often girls in the bars that show a little too much butt crack and tits. I've heard of skinny mirrors, but not ones that mask junk.

And when I was leaving the grocery store yesterday, a man had just stepped out of his SUV and was adjusting his junk inside his white soccer uniform. Those shorts were so tight you could see everything.

These people haven't figured out that junk isn't sexy.

But physical junk is different than emotional junk. Sometimes people just have to let your problems all hang out. That's okay to a certain extent. The other night, when my friend dragged me into the restaurant, I walked up on my other friend unloading her most recent emotional junk on a guy who was almost a perfect stranger. She told him about how her now ex boyfriend disappeared a couple of days before her birthday, didn't show up for her birthday eve party and was still absent the next day. That sucks. And it seems to have made her finally realize he's a loser. Speaking of junk, she got rid of the stuff her ex left in her apartment.

Another friend unloaded some old junk about his ex wife after the birthday party Saturday night. She ended up having a fling with one of his best friends and it clearly still bothers him. That sucks too.

Junk - both physical and emotional - seems to more likely show up along with alcohol. So single girls, when you have a few drinks, watch your own junk, and put a limit on others'. It doesn't take much to overflow.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Spared from the breastaurant; surrounded by nipple infatuation

It was time for another birthday party last night. Birthdays are such a great reason to celebrate around here, and I love that people make a big deal. Because birthdays are a big deal, and strange and interesting things always happen.

This one was for a guy in his early twenties. Yes, barely legal. And also adorable. So he picked Twin Peaks for his birthday dinner. Of course. Where else would a guy want to go than a place that packs customers in because of waitress tits and ass? But alas, the restaurant said they couldn't handle such a large party, so we were spared and sushi was the substitute. This single girl was happy.

But we weren't spared from breasts. We got man breasts instead, and mainly Birthday Boys'. I don't understand the infatuation men have for other men's nipples. It's like the balloon popping. I just don't get it. The infatuation started during dinner then continued at the bar across the road. I could be wrong, but Birthday Boy doesn't look like he's having much fun at this moment, but it didn't stop.

While this man breast infatuation was going on, one guy was infatuated with me. Well, infatuated when he saw my car and my smile. But later it was my body. And he was particularly proud of himself for the tight relationship he has with his baby mama.

"Let me take you home and wine you and dine you," he said.

"No, thank you. That wouldn't be such a good idea," I said.

Wow. I was happy to have my friend close by in case things got weird.

Over the last few months, I've been a part of many birthday celebrations. They're all very similar whether it's a girl or guy turning early twenties to mid thirties. There are lots of people and shots and more shots. Sometimes the locale changes but there are always shots. This one was the first where the bar management escorted Birthday Boy out. Guess he had celebrated enough.

Birthdays are fun, so I hope you celebrate in a way that makes you happy - with our without shots, balloons or nipples.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Where everybody knows your name

It's one reason I love my neighborhood. If I didn't enjoy it so much, it would scare me.

Tonight I walked four blocks down the street to meet a couple of friends for a beer. On the usual walk down, I went past three restaurants and the pub. The owner and manager at the Italian place waved. And then I walked through the pub because the fireplace looked inviting. Just as I walked in, the guy singing said hello to me - by name - on the mic. Glad I wasn't trying to slip in unnoticed. Then one of the waitresses hugged me and I stopped to chat with a friend, who happened to be in a fluffy bathrobe, flannel PJs and slippers. Drinking a beer. In the pub. All he was missing was his pipe.

I slipped out the back way and got all the way past the Mexican restaurant across the street until I heard someone yelling my name. It was the girl who hosted the birthday party last weekend.

"You have to come in. We're all inside!"

Uhm. Okay. I went in and "we" was actually the birthday girl and the hostess (and the nice bartender who also knows my name and many others). I chatted long enough to learn the birthday girl and her douchebag boyfriend have broken up for about the dozenth time (is that a word?).

He disappeared for her birthday (and before and after it too). She turned of his phone she had been paying for and moved his stuff out. And this time, she said, "we're never ever ever getting back together."

I hugged her and told her again, "he doesn't deserve you."

Then I headed to my original destination. While I have friends who are customers there, the staff never knows my name, and I'm not sure they care to. That's why I enjoy the places that do.

Everyone likes to be remembered.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Something else I love about being single

As a single girl, I love my friends even more. And I appreciate being able to see them more frequently than before.

My ex never liked my friends. He didn't like anybody - well, unless there was something in it for him. My friends were either not pretty enough or too gay or didn't meet his in-shape standards or didn't like the music he liked or too . . . .  There was always something. He liked one friend because she's beautiful and another because she's married to a former pro football player. So I saw my friends when I could. Without him.

Today one of my first great friends I met when I hadn't lived in this big city very long stopped by. She was in the area after seeing former work colleagues for a Thanksgiving lunch. She walked into my place, pulled off her stiletto boots and chillaxed on the sofa in front of the window for a couple of hours. It's the spot in my living room where everyone feels most at home. I think I'll name it my Zen spot. It's where I nap sometimes too. Yes, the happy, Zen spot.

I hadn't seen her in a couple of months, but we just caught up like it was yesterday. She's the one who helped me survive my early 20s and all of the stupid things I did when I was young, foolish and single.

We talk about everything. Probably more than we should. Who's going out with whom. Which ones are cheating on the other. Her family and mine. Is she happy and am I. She told me I should rearrange my furniture to make room for parties. And she told me I was the only one of her friends who still had sex with her husband. And I just did it to keep the peace. So he wouldn't totally explode on me until I figured out how to leave. But that's a whole other posting.

And she was one of the few my ex liked. She speaks Spanish and he was trying to learn. She offered to help me move out, and she invited me to her house for Thanksgiving next week in case I'm tired of my family. But that's another posting too.

Every day I'm thankful for the people who have been my friends for years. And I'm amazed by and thankful for the few people I've met in the last couple of years. I feel like I've know these special friends for life. And maybe we did in a past life. If I haven't told you lately how much I love you, I do! (you know who you are xx).

Hug a friend today.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Birth control

Single girls and boys, use it. There's nothing that will interrupt single life more than a little you.

The other day I heard about a nice, pretty single woman who lives in the neighborhood and got herself pregnant. The proud papa just packed up and moved three states away. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't know what the lil mama thinks about him now, but he always creeped me out.

And another friend who lives close by just had a baby with his girlfriend. He's proud of his beautiful daughter, but the thing he bragged about most was the long, painful labor his ex had. Now that lil girl will have some interesting family dynamics.

Then the one that really got me was watching a video by a woman I don't know who disciplined her little boy then told about the meds her therapist has her on and the drink she wants before work - all while making the video, smoking and totally ignoring her two kids while they screamed inside the house. I know being a mom is hard - and extra difficult for some. Perhaps birth control would've been smart.

Just remember. Use it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Single girl in silence

Literally. This afternoon, the third worst thing happened behind doing without electricity or microwave. My broadband died.

That means the TV and DVR are silent, and I was going to chillax and watch one if the shows I had recorded tonight. It keeps me from going out and staying out too late.

It means no Internet or email. I've got to have those to work, so I'd be going totally crazy if I didn't have my phone. But what I really do miss is the music streaming from Pandora, Spotify and others. It just doesn't sound as good playing through my phone when I'm used to Bose speakers.

I tried everything. Unplug. Reboot. Repeat. Then I poured a glass of wine and made the call to customer service. Then I hoped.

The good news is that until tonight, I thought I was going to have to be somewhere at 7:30 tomorrow. I mean dressed and coherent. But it was canceled. So now I can be here for that four hour window between 8 and 12 when AT&T will fix it. Bring my broadband back to life.

And I might just read a book and a little extra sleep tonight.

Fingers crossed it will be fixed. This single girl can't do without broadband for a whole weekend.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. It was all fixed by noon on Friday. AT&T was fast, thorough, courteous and even gave me a free movie channel upgrade for 3 months for my trouble. Wow!

Wearing your panties inside out

Yesterday I noticed I had put my panties on inside out. Not that it really mattered which side is facing out, except it made me wonder what I was thinking about when I got dressed.

Then the other day I baked a yummy quiche. I had the ingredients out and ready to go, so I mixed everything together while I was talking to a friend on the phone. The slice I ate for dinner was tasty, but then the next day I realized I didn't put the cheese in. Quiche without cheese? I was surprised how good it was.

I wouldn't have screwed up if I hadn't been distracted.

My mind goes all over the place sometimes. I watch Socialcam videos while cooking dinner. And as much as I try to watch a TV show with 100% of my attention, I just can't. I'm reading the day's mail, folding laundry or doing something else important. At least we have the rewind button for TV now. Perhaps I should just choose one or the other though.

Then on Sunday, a friend told the story about he crashed his car when he was grabbing for his phone to read a text. The car flipped over and it was pure luck he survived and walked away with a cut hand and a totalled car. Now he drives with his phone safely tucked away out of reach.

Then I'll be driving along the freeway, my mind deep in thought about the next scene in my novel, and I'll miss my exit. Maybe a little daydreaming is okay, but I try not to talk on the phone too often while I'm driving, especially since I have to shift. And I only text at traffic lights wouldn't do it unless it's really important. I can't count on the luck my friend had.

My pre-New Year's resolution is trying to focus better so I don't make dumb mistakes like this. But there's so much I want and need to do every day. And I think it's worse now that I live alone - easier to be distracted. But I promise to check my panties when I put them on every day now.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Grown up tantrums

Yesterday morning, I was walking my friend's little dog when we came up on a grandma-aged woman with a little boy that looked about two years old. He was curled up on the cold sidewalk with the women looking down at him.

"He won't get up - one of his tantrums," she said. Then the dog put her nose in his face and made him laugh. But he stayed on the ground.

Seeing the scene made me think of all the adult tantrums that happen. I've seen or heard about lots of them lately. And I have a hunch the tantrums single people have are more likely to happen in public. And many of them have lasting consequences.

One friend broke his pinkie finger. Again. And he did it by putting his fist through a wall. A broken finger doesn't help much for a musician's guitar playing. Then there's the expense.

Another friend told me about something he saw. One of our mutual friends was sitting at the bar alone. When he saw her crying, he checked on her. She told him someone had asked her to name three things people like about her. She was upset because she couldn't think of one. After a few minutes of getting attention, she seemed fine. Something tells me he might not check on her next time he sees her tears.

Then there was the drunk guy who wouldn't leave the pub like the manager asked. His tantrum was in front of a pub full of people and a cop. It got him pepper sprayed and arrested. That's one he'll carry with him for life. Now a police report that calls this "public tantrum" instead of public intoxication and resisting arrest would be much more accurate.

And finally, one friend's ex-girlfriend has a way of finding out how to contact every girl he goes out with.  She has little tantrums and tells them how he hits girls, has STDs and a small penis and cheats. Uhm...so why did she date him for so long and why can't she move on?

My friend reminded me that as adults, these tantrums are called breakdowns or episodes or outbursts. Honestly, some people are just pegged as moody. Then there's cra cra - usually what I hear guys call girls. I also notice how girls and guys both still go for the cra cras. I guess a hard cock or wet pussy is enough to forget sanity. So who looks cra cra now?

I wish I could put that little boy in a time machine and see him in 20 to 25 years to see if he'll be one who has grown-up tantrums too.

Single girls -- if they've had a tantrum once, they will again. And next time they do, picture them as a two-year-old with a red face wearing a diaper. How long do you want to live with that? To me, it's a deal breaker.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Keeping those promises

I was doing some shopping online for Christmas gifts last night and ran across something that made me laugh. It so sums up the life of a single girl.

They're condoms. Obama condoms that won't break as easily as his promises. No matter your political beliefs, you have to laugh. But there are only two condoms per pack, so don't count on these to do the whole job.

While the "say it with a condom" sentiment is hysterical, this reminds me how important it is to keep promises. To your friends, your family, your boss, your employees, your lover. If you have respect for yourself and for them, you will keep those promises.

Broken promises are a big part of why a lot of relationships fail. It's one reason my marriage ended. He would have a fit about something I did or didn't do. I'd tell him to stop. Butt out. When he didn't, I would tell him it's over. He'd promise to do better. Be nicer. I stayed. Until I didn't.

He also promised to buy me a new engagement ring. One to replace the ring he bought at Walmart. Now I'm not a jewelry snob, but it isn't the ring I would choose. He didn't tell me where it came from until a couple of years into our marriage. Then he promised to get a better one. He bought new guitars. guns, cars, a boat and took long breaks from working. And he'd promise a new ring again and again. Years passed and I never got one. Now the Walmart ring is sitting in a box in a drawer along with a pile of memories of other broken promises.

But that's over now. And I'm trying not to get into that pattern again. But some people I know commonly say things they'll never do. Let's meet for lunch tomorrow. I'll bring your key back tonight. We'll go here...or there soon. I'll get your website finished by next week. I promise. And it's not just me. I hear people promise they'll help a friend move or do this or that. And it never happens. They even break promises to themselves. I'll start exercising next week. I'll stop staying out so late. I'll drink less.

Let's just hope the promise that these condoms won't break is a REAL promise!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Party animals

Single people get exhausted too. Last night I had dinner with a couple of friends. The main topic was how they party too much. How they need to settle down. Stop going out so much. Cut down on the drinking and smoking and get more sleep. These are people who have to wake up for their 8-5 jobs and can only sleep in on the occasional weekend. These are the ones who only want to be party animals once a week rather than every day.

But that's hard to do when there's a birthday celebration or going away party or a football game or a Monday at least once a week. It's especially difficult when there are eight restaurants and bars within a block or two of everyone's front door.   

Settling down doesn't mean girlfriends for these single guys. They're still very single. But they still want sex. That's why they're talking about Vegas in January. And this single girl wants to crash the guy party! Let's see if I can do it.

I know I go out way more often than I did when I was married. But what's the downside? I have some catching up to do. This single girl has been sleep deprived a few times and maybe I've slept in a morning or two and missed a few nights at home watching TV. But I love it! It's fun and totally worth it. I still keep up with my work and will have the best year financially then ever. I still run almost every day and eat better than before. Most of all, I'm happier than ever!

More and more people say they want to take better care of themselves. I know one single girl who's cleaning up. I admire her discipline. She's doing it to meet a goal she set for herself. When you're single, there's nobody to blame but you when you don't eat right. You're the one who lets yourself drink too much or stay out too late. Single girls and guys may try to pass a little blame on their friends, but at least they have friends. So let me see them take responsibility. Make it happen. Now.

Okay single girls (and boys too). Set a goal. Meet it. Set another. Meet it. The secret is pacing yourself.

You can do it!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Milestones

On this November 11, I've reached a few milestones. No, wait. We've reached those milestones together.

This is the 100th posting from Story of a Single Girl. And in the 11 weeks since I started posting on August 26, there have been 2,200 page views. These are folks who have tripped on the blog. I keep intending to publicize it but, you know, I'm a publicist. I know how to promote it, but promoting my own stuff always comes last.

You have all been with me for many other milestones of this new single girl life. You've listened as I've learned what to look for in a man, when to run and when to just sit back and laugh. You were right here with me for my summer of love. You've helped me let go of some old memories and make some new ones. And there will be more.

Cheers to all of us for our 2,000-plus encounters! Thank you for visiting, and please keep coming back. Share your thoughts and experiences with some comments. Follow the blog if you think it's worthy of your time. But most of all, have fun and take care of yourself.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Frosting, beer and arm wrestling

Yesterday I was a little worried about how last night's birthday party would turn out. And it turned out to be many things.

Predictable was one. I was a little late, but the birthday girl was so fashionably late it pushed last season. Some wondered if she would show up at all, so I'll take late. And the party was all about the hostess. What she wore, how much she had already had to drink and how many guys she could attract.

Entertaining was another. There were balloons to make it festive, shots and more shots and beer and cake and more shots. Some guests came in their cocktail costumes and some didn't. One of they guys told me the hostess yelled at him for wearing jeans and no tie. She tried to send him home. What? He didn't leave. The birthday girl ended up with frosting on her nose, and one of the guests licked it off for her. What a gentleman. And all entertaining.

The conversation was fascinating. Everyone let their hair down. The guys talked about what they look for in a woman, but hot sex seems to be what they really want. And they're not opposed to paying for it. I represented the single girls well when they started talking about how expensive any relationship is - financially and emotionally. They talked about how after one night with a girl they say, "so you're my boyfriend now, right?" I told them they're picking the wrong girls. And by now they should know how to spot the needy girls before that night happens.

The evening ended up on an amusing note at my place. We had a few more drinks, talked politics and changed the subject with a few healthy rounds of arm wrestling, and I severely overestimated my strength. Once the guys had all taken their turns, it was time for the girls to show them how it's done. I watched one girl put up an awesome fight. Okay, I can do this. And I did. But it took both hands and my whole body to bring his arm down. The he reminded me my whole body's the size of his thigh.

I'm not sure where the birthday girl ended up last night, but the hostess was really cozy with someone outside the bar at closing time.

It's a birthday party crowd, and I love it they celebrate.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

The hazards of exercise

I've noticed the last few weeks people around my neighborhood are talking about taking better care of themselves. Just last night I heard three different people say they want to stop smoking. And once they do that, it's to the gym or jogging trail. Not one of them is overweight. They just want to be in better shape. Feel better.

I know one person who's actually doing it. Committed. Disciplined. She's not even drinking the occasional glass of wine anymore. She's already naturally gorgeous and will be rock-hard stunning soon. The others are just talk so far. Quitting cigarettes and starting an exercise routine are both huge commitments - ones everyone has to do for themselves and not for someone else.

For anyone feeling motivated to run here are the top 10 hazards according to Addison:

10.  Acorns might ping you on the head on a windy day.

9.    Having to focus on not tripping while you dodge kamikaze squirrels chasing those acorns will be a usual thing.

8.    You'll probably have to do more laundry or buy more running clothes.
7.    Some may make the mistake of buying purple running shoes. (but at least they're comfortable)
6.    There will be cute dog encounters. Guaranteed.
5.    If you're lucky, those cute dogs will have hot guys walking them
4.    You'll very likely run into people you know in the neighborhood. To any southern girl, being seen dripping sweat without makeup is as bad as it gets.
3.    Some of those people you run into may even want to hug you. It happened to me today!
2.    Guys will fall over themselves to get to you with that hot bod.
1.    When you have that hot bod and feel amazing, sex will blow you into the next galaxy!

Be careful now. You might actually look even more fabulous and have some fun!

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Why should a single girl dread a party?

I don't know why, but I do. It's just one of those bad feelings that it won't be fun. That it might not be a good place to be.

One of my new friends has her birthday party tonight, and one of my other new friends is organizing it. We're to wear cocktail attire. But no matter how nice the guests are dressed, we'll still be at the smokey local bar down the street. And the girl who's organizing it has been messaging around for drinking games. I haven't played drinking games since college. Maybe I've missed out.

These details are playing out to be the hostess' party rather than the birthday girl's. The hostess is known to be the one always begging for attention. This is what bugs me most. It's just a little backwards. And the birthday girl is sweeter than molasses, but she isn't exactly dependable. When the hostess had her birthday bash a few weeks so, today's birthday girl told her she'd be there but blew it off to hang out with her boyfriend. A couple of other girls who were invited to tonight's party asked if she would show up for her own party!

But it's a party. What could be so bad? I like parties. I'll get to see some friends. There will be shots. There will be craziness. And it's guaranteed I'll write about it tomorrow.

Do your own bit of partying this weekend single girls! (and boys too!)

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Time to think

While I was jogging this afternoon, it hit me why I'm so hooked on running. It's my time to think. No phone. No work. No distractions. Just me and my music. And my mind is free to go where it wants. It's when I sort through problems. Imagine what will happen next in my novel. It's when I write these postings in my head.

I also noticed other people in the park. Most of them had a phone attached to their ear. They were walking their dog or walking for exercise. But they were talking while they're doing it. Yeah, it's great to keep in touch, but to me, making time to think is even more important. Maybe you just think about what to have for dinner or where to go for the weekend. But this is also great time to think about your job, your career, your relationships. Time to think about you and what makes you happy.

One man was sitting on a park bench, arms stretched across the back with no phone in sight. He was just there. Being. Then there was the couple in their business clothes sitting on a blanket together. Talking. To each other. I love these sights.

People are so busy these days. As soon as we roll out of bed we're getting ready for something, working, taking care of kids or pets or spouses, talking, doing. There's so little time to just be. I'm convinced this is the reason so many people have trouble sleeping at night. The moment they lay their head on the pillow is the first time all day they've been quiet. Alone with themselves. So their minds just whirl.

My time for thinking hasn't changed that much as a single girl. I jogged then almost as much as I do now. But now, instead of sitting my ass on the sofa while my ex watches whatever he thinks we should watch on TV at night, I do something I love.

That 45 minutes each day I'm jogging isn't enough time to think, so I'm going to work on making more time. God knows I have lots to think about. I hope you can do the same. Because you deserve it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison 

Don't creep me out

Tonight there were three extremely important errands to take care of. First I got Lucy a bag of food and replaced my microwave. Then I had to find something for dinner. So there I was, standing at the quick checkout at the grocery store with my arms full of salad stuff and a bottle of wine.

And the skinny man in the suit in front of me turned all the way around and just stared. He didn't just stare, he leered at me with this crooked grin. Not a word, just the stare. He should have been paying attention to his groceries so he could leave faster. It made me want to put on a coat even though it wasn't cold. It made me want pick up my things a second time and move to another checkout.

So I stared at my bottle of wine and willed it open. Or knocked over his head.

Most girls are used to getting some stares. A lot of men (and women too) see something they like and show their appreciation by keeping their eyes on you just a little too long. They're a bit more respectful about it. And that's okay. I do it too. 

Then every once in a while, there's the one that creeps you out. The guys that make you wonder what they have hidden in their closet.

So what's a girl to do?  I've never been comfortable doing anything but ignoring it. But now that I've found my inner bitch and also demand respect, I need to deal with the creepy stares better.

What do you do? Do you say something? Walk away? Ignore it?

Love to the single girls,

Addison

Doing without

This morning was like most other weekdays. Coffee, check all of the various messages, read the news, oatmeal. Kinda bland, right? Then it happened. Halfway through cooking my oatmeal, the microwave stopped. And it wouldn't restart. I tried another outlet and looked for a reset button. No spark. No sound. It's dead.

What's a single girl to do without a microwave? A single guy? Anybody? Doing without a microwave is almost as bad as not having power. And the power goes out in my area at least once a month for no apparent reason No storm. No extreme temperatures. No power. And the microwave is already a sore point, For the rent I pay, a microwave should be included. The leasing office said no. But these are entirely different posts.

I'm just spoiled on modern-day conveniences. Like electricity and microwaves. 

And my microwave isn't even mine. It's borrowed. One of my dearest friends loaned it to me since I already had to buy a bed, linens, TV and all of the other start-up stuff. It helped to have one less thing to buy on moving day. But I haven't told him yet. I'm certain he won't care. He'll probably feel bad it only lasted eight months. I'm just thankful I had it for eight months. I also suspect he expected to get a working microwave back someday.

So this single girl is on her way to add her first large(ish) appliance to her asset list. My washer and dryer are rented, and the next largest appliances are my tea kettle and tiny four-cup coffee maker. I don't even own a blender. My goal is to travel light. Be mobile. Keep life simple. But now I'll have to own a microwave.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Downtime

While jogging just now, I was thinking about what to do tonight. One of the big motivators for working my ass off all day is treating myself to some fun at night.

Then it hit me. I've stayed in a total of two nights over the last couple of weeks. So this single girl's treating herself to a night in.

Downtime.

Time to put my feet up and chill. Watch one of the TV shows I've recorded. Work on my novel. And my head hitting the pillow early would be an amazing treat. And I need  to pay a few bills, and I really should clean my place too, but I probably won't. Who knows, I may just lounge around and think about the delicious weekend I just had.

There's a happy hour I should go to. One of those stand-around-and-yack-with-people-who-do-what-you-do things. You know, networking. And don't forget to thank the sponsor. But I'm not in the mood.

So home is the treat tonight, and I'm looking forward to it.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Living in light

One of the first things I do when I wake up in the morning is open my blinds. My windows face east, so as the morning breaks, I watch the sun rise over the building across the street.

I love sunlight. Since I'm not a morning person, it helps me wake up. Function. It makes me happy. And, of course, I can always find Lucy sunning in the windowsill.

There were loads of windows in my ex's house where I lived for way too long until about eight months ago. But he always wanted it dark. Like a cave. He'd bitch about open blinds like he was some vampire who would die if sunlight touched him. As soon as he walked out the door in the morning, I let every bit of light possible into the house so it would be bright while I worked from home. Sometimes I would close everything before he got home to avoid the grief. Sometimes I didn't.

Now I realize he lived in the dark in many ways, but it's not my problem anymore.The grief was worth it to be happy now.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

My naked state of mind

When I woke up this morning, my bed in my tree house-like loft was cozy and warm just like it always is. I wasn't wearing much, but those of us used to hot climates, various stages of naked are the norm.

And after rarely wearing clothes during my steamy hot weekend, nude just feels comfortable. The weekend left me in a naked state of mind.

So I worked for a couple of hours then put on my usual running outfit - shorts and jog bra. Then I went outside.

Oh yeah. It's chilly. To me at least. It should be since it's November.

Then I said to myself, "You can handle it."

Besides, I didn't want to go back upstairs to put on more clothes. And I did handle it. I think the chill even made me run faster. But people were in sweat shirts or jackets and I was half naked. And that's okay.

By the end of my run, it was just right. I wasn't dripping sweat like I usually do, but the chill was definitely gone. And my apartment was still cozy and warm.

With winter coming on, whenever that chill hits, it's time to be active. Real active. Go for a run, play a game of basketball or tangle up with your lover. When you do, I guarantee cozy warmth will surround you. And then go naked without shame.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

What's up with this balloon popping fetish?

A few weeks ago I posted about accidentally breaking a heel off my favorite black platforms while popping a balloon. It seems to have unleashed something. That posting has been read more than any so far.

What's up with this balloon fetish? Is it the balloons? Is it the heels? Is it the popping? Is it something sexual? Do both men and women get into balloons? This girl hasn't been single long enough to understand. Can someone help?

Based on what I've seen online, there is a sexual side to the whole balloon fetish thing. But I don't get it. Do guys visualize their cocks as big as the balloons? Or maybe they want a girl to be able to blow up their cock like they do a balloon? I guess that could come in handy as long as size is adjustable.

And speaking of cocks and balloons, let's talk about the popping thing. From a girl's perspective, I can think of nothing worse. Imagine a cock deflating - or popping - as fast as a balloon. No thanks! Now maybe I could understand if a girl could wrap her legs around a big, vibrating balloon.

Honestly, the look on a person's face when they're blowing up a balloon - the bubble cheeks and big eyes - isn't the most sexy look. But inhaling helium from a balloon and talking. Now that's funny.

Maybe I'm missing something. Someone enlighten me. Please? This single girl wants to learn. What's the deal with balloons?

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Everything looks fast when you're standing still

At the pub last night, one of my friends said something that hit me kind of funny. Made me think.

A couple hours before, he and some guys were throwing the football in the street. But when I drove past on the last bit of my journey from my weekend escape, they were all safely on the sidewalk.

"You drive too fast," he said.

"No I don't."

"We even heard you downshift."

"Yeah, out of second. I was going about 17." 

But the issue isn't speed. It's how careful you are. I admit I speed on freeways. It's speed or be run over. Literally. But on small streets like this, I observe the speed limits. I drive a fast but very stable sports car, and I know its limits and mine. And I'm aware of everything around me. In a lifetime of driving, I've only had two speeding tickets and none in this car. I've never caused a wreck nor have I even almost hit an animal, child or man in a drunken Sunday afternoon football toss.

What he said reminded me we live life in the fast lane. And sometime we have to move fast or be trampled. I have my own business and have to move fast in order to survive. But survival isn't enough. I want to thrive. Be the best. So it takes some speeding. But I've never left any collateral damage in my life's wake because I'm careful.

Living life more slowly is something I've worked on for the last few years. Taking more down time and enjoying each experience as much as possible. I stopped wearing a watch so I wouldn't be such a slave to time. I spend more weekends not working.

But while enjoying my down time, I've learned when you're standing still everything moving looks fast. My friend who said I drive too fast was standing still. And yes, there are grassy parks on either side of this stretch of street just begging for a football game.

Next time it looks like life's going a little too fast, hop on board to catch up with the pace. It may take a little trust, but from a moving vantage point, things won't seem so slow. That's how we get places. Maneuver carefully and don't slow down until you're ready. When you do, you'll probably enjoy that stop even more.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Life's most delicious pleasures

This weekend was filled with one of my greatest pleasures. I hung out with one of the people who helped me be comfortable with who I am today. Someone I care deeply about. He lives halfway across the country and was in the state on business. A great opportunity to meet up.

A parfect weekend for a road trip.

On the almost three hour drive back, I thought a lot about what it takes to be great lovers like we are. How two people get to where we are in our relationship. How after almost three years, just hearing his voice still makes me moist.

It's simple. He loves fucking. We both do. And he oozes passion. His fingers go all the places I love. So much that I crave his touch almost as much as I crave his taste.

And then we become one. Fluid motion, our bodies almost glued together. I'm always convinced he could never know how amazing it feels. But he says he feels it too.

And he remembers from the first time we were together a few years ago all of the things that drive me wild. And it works for both of us - multiple times. My ex never figured it out after many more years than that. I like making him happy, and he does the same.

Then we talk. And he actually listens. And we laugh and debate and share stories about life and our other intimate experiences. We tell what bothers us most and have fun like friends do. And I hope he leans on me in the rough times like I depended on him. I'm myself around him, and I think he can do the same around me. I feel respected in every way - from how he opens my doors to him not judging me. It's something I haven't known for a long while.

Some people don't understand, and they never will.

Its simple. We make great lovers because in some way our souls are connected. And I hope they stay that way forever. Thank you my lover and friend. xx

Love to the single girls,
Addison