My mini melodramatic meltdown

Do you ever have days when you lose faith in yourself? This is one of those days. I don't know if it's PMS or Friday the 13th bad luck or just a tad of fall fever. Things are definitely off.

The good news is the day is close to over. Until then, I'm staying in where I can't get into trouble.

Work is so busy. It's like when someone tosses a whole basket of golf balls into the air and expects you to keep them all in the air or catch them. Today I could hardly catch one. I just wanted to sit down with a glass of wine and watch the balls bounce. The entire summer's been like this, but I've been lucky enough to not have any screw-ups - until today that is. I learned today I made a little budgeting error for an organization I lead that may end up costing the group a bit of money. I hate it, but it is what it is. It happened because I was (an am) overwhelmed. There's just too much going on.

But I'm most disillusioned with my personal life. After all of the gaffes I've made with guys over the last 15 months and everything I've learned, I still have rotten luck. The first time I met someone I like - and he likes me - then something weird happened to him and he totally retreated. I want to know him better so I hope this passes. Soon.

Then there's my friend. We hook up occasionally, like last night. He and I may be in a similar emotional place - heartache in our past and some unfortunate dating situations. I'm not sure if our relationship - whatever you call it - is good or bad for him or for me, but we enjoy each other. It works, and I like it.

I'm still freaked out over my bad date last weekend. I know; let it go. I dread running into him in the neighborhood though. He already texted this week, so I have to be prepared with my polite decline. I always enjoy an adventure, but right now I'd much rather jump out of an airplane than go on another date.

I can't blame it all on luck. One friend said some guys must think I look easy. Not sure why, but I'm going to work on that. Another friend told me it's just my nature to meet people. She said I always find something interesting about them. Maybe they take that interest as "I'm interested in fucking you"? I've got to work on that too.

I keep learning which are the bad guys and which are the good. But the rules keep changing, and there are just way too many flavors of bad to keep up with. My good girlfriends don't live here so they're probably looking up therapists to recommend by now so they don't have to listen to my little meltdowns as often.

Until then, this day is almost over, there's been no new trouble, and that makes me happy. Tomorrow this funk will be gone. It has to be because I'm almost out of tissues.

Love to the single girls,
Addison