Facing a demon

I try to live life with no regrets, but I do have a few. Last night I faced one of them. It was a nonevent. Nothing. 

But two and a half years ago it wasn't nothing. It was enormous. 

At that time, I was well into my liberation - the time I needed to collect strength and confidence to get out of my bad marriage. My lover planned a stop here to visit me on his way home from a business trip. It was odd timing though because he would arrive on a Sunday morning and stay until Monday. It was complicated to explain to my husband about a quick overnight trip on a Sunday.

I made plans with a friend to cover for me and headed out to a city close by on Saturday afternoon. That night was me time so I could be rested and ready to pick him up at the airport the next morning. I did a little shopping, had a nice dinner and ended up at a funky little basement jazz club. 

The band was fun and I had a great chat about music with the keyboard player during a break. I had what was probably the best lemon drop martini I've ever had. 

But I can only have one or things get dangerous. 

It was a perfect night until one of the club's owners bought me another lemon drop. Then he suggested we walk to some other clubs. He wanted to show me around. It was Saturday night, so I thought why not. He took me to about four other clubs. We danced a little and moved on to the next place and the next lemon drop. by the end of the night I had at least six when I should've stopped after the first. They made me forget the man was a bar owner, not much to look at and way too old.

We ended up in my hotel room where we had crazy wild sex. My brain kept telling me to stop but my body was out of control. No matter what my head said, the lemon drops wouldn't let my body listen. I remember some of it. just enough. We were safe, but I was wreckless. Dangerous. I wasn't me and I regret the night ever happened. But it did. 

I cheated on my lover while I was married.  What do you even call that? I still don't know if it was my sad and desperate state of mind at that point in my life or if it was simply the lemon drops.

Last night my friend and I went to that same little jazz club. It was the first time I had been back since that night. I looked for that man - the club owner.  I had no idea what I would say or if we would even recognize each other after so long. He wasn't there, and next time, it won't matter.

Love to the single girls,
Addison