I'm sure

Last night, under an almost full moon with its glow cast over the lake, he said "I do." And I said "sure."

Just like that, we were married by the boat's captain and another good friend. The stunned look on my new husband's face when I said "sure" instead of something more definite was heart breaking.

What? The single girl married?

Not exactly. So here's how it happened. The boat's captain is a gem. He's a thoughtful, sincere and very kind man who's a blast to be around and who also dabbles in a wee bit of match making. He decided one of his best friends and I would be perfect mates. And he wasn't subtle about his wishes. So we decided to take advantage of having good friends around and the beautiful setting to make it official. 

Of course it was a pretend wedding. We haven't even kissed or been on a date yet, but it made the captain happy and we all had fun with it. My new husband teased me the rest of the evening about my lack-luster "sure" answer. But by the end of the night, he took responsibility. He wanted to prove himself to me so I would be sure. Even though we were just kidding, this spoke volumes about his character.

There are so many things we jump into without being sure we're doing them for the right reasons. Jobs, friendships, romantic relationships, having children. Each calls for absolute certainty but we often don't go that far.

As my soon-to-be husband and I sat on the back of the boat talking and looking up at the stars, it made me realize there are two things I am sure of right now. I'm absolutely sure I did the right thing becoming single. I love my life. And I'm also sure I want to get to know my new husband better. I wouldn't have even minded if he had reached over and touched me or even kissed me under that beautiful moon. But he didn't. Perhaps he wants to be sure.

Getting to know myself again, meeting new friends and sharing amazing experiences make every day worth living. For sure.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Lights! Camera!

Someone told me recently about a man I know who videos his girls then shares the videos with his friends.

I can just imagine how this one plays out. The guy's telling her how he wants to remember that amazing body when she's not there. He wants to show her how beautiful she is. How hot they are together. He says it's just between us. She's feeling all super sexy.

She's all caught up in the moment.

Then tomorrow or the first big argument or the huge breakup comes and she's now a porn queen. Her boobs and vagina explode all over the web. He texts them to her dad.

He says, "I'm such a stud."

She says, "SHIT! What was I thinking?"

Life without wild, crazy sex would be really boring. I'm all for the action, just skip the lights and camera. That is unless you want to be able to show off what a hot young thing you were to your friends in the old folks home in years to come. 

I asked this guy the other night if this rumor is true. His blue eyes and white smile sparkled back at me and he said, "Never videos. Stills maybe, but never videos." Then he completely denied it.

"I would never do that," he said.

Of course.

But would he?

Love to the single girls,
Addison

When one door opens, another closes

On the day my divorce was final, a door opened, but not in the way you might think.

As a part of the divorce-day celebration, I was a little naughty and had an overnight guest. I must've had unrealistic expectations because it was probably the lamest sexual experience I've ever had. He complained about everything: having to bend down to the floor to turn on a lamp, the balcony being too small, his eyes itching because of his allergy to my cat. He even warned me that having a cat would scare many men away. He was concerned I had a lingering relationship with a lover. But here's the worst part. Since he had stitches in his finger, I had to do most of the work. He received and I gave. He wouldn't even get on top. Not even for a minute.

"My finger hurts," he said.

"Bye," I said.

But this man opened a door. Unfortunately, it was the door to my bathroom. While I was peeing. Now I believe a girl needs privacy for certain things, so this was the first time in my life a man had watched me in that private moment. Ever.

But while this door opened on the first day of my new life, I believe another one closed. It was the long-time relationship with my dear friend and lover. 

This was the man who knows me better than almost anyone. He reminded me of who I am. We traveled together, shared our life fears and dreams. He gave me the confidence to change my appearance -the way I dress and my hair. He helped me learn how to appreciate life more. I stopped wearing a watch when I realized I didn't need to know the time at every moment. I starting slowing down to appreciate whatever I'm doing. He told me I'm a good lover cancelling out the years of hearing my ex-husband telling me I'm boring, too small town and prudish.

He (along with a few other amazing friends) helped me collect the confidence I desperately needed to leave a bad situation.

Although he'll probably never tell me this, I truly believe he felt his work was complete on the day my divorce was final. Although I've seen him once since, things aren't near where they were before. I suspect he believes distancing himself is best for me so I can move on. Even though that door is now closed, I need closure to help me let go.

We all need to let other doors open, except for those to our bathrooms.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Transaction cancelled

When I stopped to put gas in my car the other day, I stuck my credit card into the pump, answered all of the questions then punched in my zip code. For the first time ever, the machine said "Transaction cancelled." What? Cancelled? Why?

Then I realized I had typed in my old zip code of more than a decade. The one from my old married life instead of the one of the last three months of my new and fabulous single life.   

How many other transactions are cancelled because of a number?

So many things related to dating are measured by a number. There's age (or at least what age you look like), weight, net worth, the 1-to-10 appearance scale, and of course bra cup size is a big one for many guys. And at this point, we're only at "hello."

The other night a couple of my guy friends were talking and they agreed they would sometimes have sex with a 5, especially if they had been drinking. But they typically strive for at least a 7. I guess a 4 would be enough to cancel their transaction.

And then last night, there was my conversation with an almost stranger who called all women "crazy bitches." His measure is clearly level of craziness since we're all crazy bitches to begin with for him. Wonder if strives for a 7 at the crazy level, too? Personally, I think he deserves a 10.

Ladies, admit it, the measurement continues. We measure a guy's manliness -- his ability to take control in a gentlemanly way. And the size of a cock can be a deal breaker to some. For me, it's more about what he can do with it. Speaking of 7, he needs to be at least at the 7 sexual skill level. Wouldn't you agree?

I'm particularly sensitive about the number of emotional bags we carry. And for me, 7 would definitely cancel the transaction. What would cancel your transaction?

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Panties or none, should this ever be the question?

There are only two words to say in response to this question:  Britney Spears.

We've probably all thought about it from time to time (for the sake of fashion, you know), but always opted for the safe route. Wear panties.

I have a new friend who's gone out with me to the neighborhood bars a couple of times. She's an attractive woman who's in pretty good shape and she loves her short skirts.

Here's the problem. She doesn't wear panties with her short dresses and skirts. And she tells people throughout the evening about it.

She says she doesn't want the panty lines, and the lines even show with a thong. I've suggested finding a good lace thong rather than the annoying string style, but she says those don't work either. In the mean time, she continues to talk about being afraid she'll flash her vagina.

Being the problem solver I am, I did a little research into the panty line problem and found a great blog post on The Sweetest Things by the Miel Sisters, Avoiding The Visible Panty Line: A Complete Guide. It's well worth the read even if you already have all the panty problem answers. Or go to your local Victoria's Secret, department store or lingerie shop and try on different styles to see what works best for you.

In this woman's case, I don't think it's about panty lines at all but rather a call for attention. I hope she figures out how to get the right kind of attention, even while wearing her short skirts - but with panties.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

P.S. As with most everything, there are exceptions. Just walk around and sit down to try out your no-panty situation and avoid surprises before you head out the door.