Beautiful things

I wrote this a few days ago but didn't have a chance to publish it.

My life is full. It's filled with things that leave me happy.

I spent the last four days with two of my best friends, and another just arrived. It meant five trips to the airport in four days, but every moment I spend with them leaves me re-energized. I thrive on these visits. These are the people who helped me be who I am today. We all need people like these - especially when we're single.

And in return, I try to be optimistic with them and with others. Sharing something as simple as a smile or a text to let your friend know you're thinking about them can help to brighten their day. A simple jesture can mean the difference in a day that sucks versus one that has something good in it. Squeezing someone's shoulder may turn the course of a rotton moment or make a person who doesn't believe in themselves into someone who does.

Not everyone appreciates the beautiful things people can offer, but share them anyway. Perhaps someday they will.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

Empty

My home is empty, but my heart is full.

I look around my place and see everything's in order. But no one's there. The floor's no longer covered with shoes and shopping bags and chargers for phones and laptops. Chair backs aren't draped with jackets and last night's outfits anymore.

Six trips to airports got me four days with two of my best girlfriends followed by two days with my friend and favorite lover. We relaxed and ate well and did fun things. We took care of ourselves and each other. Until this morning's final airport drop off.

They've gone back to their families and work and problems they escaped from while they were here.

Now my place is quiet. There's no laughter or conversation. No one's there to answer a question or share a funny story with. I have to turn on the TV to fill the void.

It's empty. There's no one to hug or kiss. And I'll sleep alone tonight. Just Lucy and me will cuddle up to stay warm on these last winter nights. While the decorative pillows still litter the floor, they're not covered by shirts and jeans and underwear from my last special guest's visit.

Over the last week, I stocked up on good things from three of my best friends' visits. I hope it gets me by until next time. I look forward to my next trips to the East Coast in April and the West Coast in May when I'll stock up again.

But now my heart's heavy, and it's full too.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

The art of commitment

I think I've learned something about myself. I have a hard time making a commitment. It hit me when I watched myself avoid signing a new lease for my apartment.

I used to not be this way. While I was never foolish, I'd jump into just about anything without hesitation. Jobs, relationships, apartment leases. Since then, I've learned commitments are much more difficult to get out of than into.

I've been on my own for a year now. Signing the original lease was easy. It meant freedom. At the time, I knew I wouldn't be itching to move in the first year. I love the area where I live as well as my apartment, but signing another lease that commits me to twelve more months was a tough move. Freedom a year ago meant I was free from my old life and bad marriage. Now freedom has a new meaning. It means I can go and do and live and be wherever I want . . . in a year, that is.

I'm not sure this fear of commitment is a good thing.

Based on my recent dating experiences, I'm also not committing to any kind of relationship. Since I've been single, I've met and been out with lots of guys. I'm never bored. They're all different kinds of men of varying ages, careers, interests and stages in life. Some have been fun and some - well - I always learn something from them.

In this case I'm certain the fear of commitment is indeed a good thing. And I'm sure my friends would agree.

I don't knock commitment. People need it in romantic relationships especially. A couple can't survive without it. For me, freedom is the most fabulous and liberating feeling, and I know it's where I need to be.

Love to the single girls,
Addison

P.S. I did sign my new lease, so I'm here for another year, at least.

Reading love by the petals

I saw a comic recently that was too funny but wrong in so many ways. It showed two women in an office setting talking, The caption said, "You can find out if he loves you at daisypetals.com."  

Have you ever been in a relationship like this?

I've learned a few things from my relationship successes and failures. One is that I never want to wonder if love exists. A few of my friends who are in successful relationships have one thing right. They communicate. If one of them screws up, they say so in a constructive way. And if they do something well, they say so too. Neither of them wonder where they stand.

I've always had a hard time saying I love you. My family never said it. And I hear others say it as often as people in the friendly southern United States says "have a nice day." I'm not sure that telling someone you love them five times a day has the same meaning after a while. When I say those three words, it's sincere.

Of course, saying the illusive "L word" in a relationship can be scary. It's the turning point. But there's love and there's love. One is a deep caring for another - one like you would have for a friend or anyone close to you. The other is that undying romantic love you have with THE one. I do love one man in my life, but it's the first kind of love. It will be a long time before I'm ready to say the real I love you -- the one that's supposed to be forever.

Please, if you truly love someone, make sure they know.

Love to the single girls,

Addison

P.S. I'll save you the trouble of looking, www.daisypetals.com isn't a real website, but the domain is indeed for sale.

Friends

Today while I was jogging in the park I watched a hawk swoop down and pounce on a little bird that was resting alone on the ground. It was minding its own business under a tree. I ran up to the hawk hoping I'd scare it away. It just carried its prey few yards away. I tried again with the same result. The whole food chain thing makes total sense to me, but I really wanted the bird to have another chance.

Seeing the hawk attack the bird when it was alone made me think about how it sometimes feels to be single. When you have a significant other, you know they're by your side. But those of us who don't have one count on our friends to be there when we need them. They make us feel less alone. Less vulnerable.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a friend. True friends accept you for who you are but also want better for you. They listen and observe and see things you may not. They know when to speak and when to shut up. They know when to be by your side and when to leave you in peace. And it works both ways - true friends treat each other this way.

There are a handful of true friends in my life. Two are visiting now for a girls' weekend. The intent was to write for the weekend. We've had a massage, done lots of eating and a little drinking - oh, and a little writing too. Two others are friends I've had for many years and another is a new friend I've only known since last year but feel as if I've known for many more. Last is my friend and lover who will be here for a visit next week. These are the people who listened before, during and after my divorce. They encouraged but didn't judge. They laughed but not at me and they even cried with me at times. They are the ones who helped me get where I am now and try to keep me headed in the right direction - away from trouble. Again.

A friend has a husband who seems to relive his college days with one of his buddies. He ended up drunk and stranded a few weeks ago near the strip club they had visited . He lost his keys, phone, credit card, warch, one shoe and clearly his mind. A hotel security guard had to call his wife to come and pick him up. When she got there, he had this wild story about being chased and someone trying to extort money from him. The next day, he didn't remember a thing. You can imagine how my friend reacted. True friends don't get you into trouble.

Speaking of trouble, there are a number of girls and guys I've met since I've been single. After knowing them a very short time, I just see that they're trouble. They're likely candidates to lead me or anyone else who enters their lives into situation similar to the story about my friend's husband. It's a good thing he's not single or he might have not gotten out of trouble so easily.

We all need to be strong and stand on our own. I have to remind myself of this often. But we also have to call on our friends from time to time. Or sometimes, like the little bird with the hawk, your friends come to your rescue before you know you're in trouble. They save you from the hawks we all know are out there.

Love to the single girls,
Addison