Recently a group of neighbors and friends have started doing "family dinner" nights. We take turns hosting pot lucks at our places.
Last night we trekked across town to a friend's place. He just moved from a different apartment in the building where he and his girlfriend lived until she cheated on him to this one. I wrote a little about him the other day. The only other time I'd been there was on moving day a couple of weeks ago. He hadn't unpacked the kitchen yet that night so it was empty.
It's still empty, but he's unpacked now.
Here's the scene I walked into. I unloaded my bottle of wine and side dish in the kitchen. One other couple had just arrived, and they were setting out appetizers.
My friend walked into his kitchen and said, "I bought food but I'm not cooking it."
I looked in the fridge and saw ingredients for chicken fajitas and burgers. The raw chicken strips were still rock solid frozen. "Who's cooking?" I asked.
He said our friend agreed to cook if he bought the food. So I poured some wine, nibbled on appetizers and chatted with people as they arrived. An hour later, people were still arriving but there was no sign of the friend who had promised to cook.
"Uhm, you think we should start cooking?" I asked the host. "It's after 8."
"Sure, have at it," he said.
After a series of dirty and confused looks, this single girl who rarely cooks went into a strange man's kitchen and started thawing the block of chicken. I frantically opened cabinets looking for ingredients and pans.
"What do you need?" he asked.
"Do you have any seasonings or oil?" I even checked the bathroom and bedroom for coconut oil. The bachelor's kitchen was so empty it didn't even have salt or pepper.
He shook his head. "I eat every meal out," he said. "I got so lost and confused in Walmart that an employee asked if I needed help."
My eyes got big. "I'm trying to imagine fajitas without seasoning." He laughed and pulled out two packets of fajita seasoning in the almost empty drawer that only held bug spray.
The host made a quick run to the market downstairs for the necessities - like paper plates since he only had about six. By now there were about 15 people there and the friend who had promised to cook had arrived. She took the burgers to the roof to grill them, and one of the other guests came in the kitchen to help me when I asked for a volunteer to chop the onion.
Yes, I cooked. I also made everyone promise to not tell anyone.
I'm still trying to figure out why I didn't sit my ass down and drink like everyone else. By the end of the night people were asking me where stuff was in his kitchen - like I knew? The good thing was it kept me busy so I didn't have to chat with a couple of really annoying people there. And my cooking partner was nice. His girlfriend was one of the annoying people. Maybe that's why he was cooking too?
I'm always talking about single women being financially and emotionally independent. Now I'm turning the tables. This bachelor needs to man up. Stock his kitchen and learn how to use it. We made a deal. He'll help me handle my sports car and my pistol better and I'll help him maneuver a grocery store. But cooking is his problem. Who's getting the better deal? I'll wait 'til he calls me.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Once and done
I had an interesting conversation via text today. We were firming up dinner plans for tomorrow. During the exchange, I asked him how his week was so far.
"Week is ok," he texted back. "Had a date last night, other than that normal."
I had to respond. "So your date wasn't normal?"
"It was good," he said. "I took her home this morning, but I think it's just another once and done. Kinda getting tired of those."
That life keeps a single person busy but lonely. So why do people do it? Is it for companionship? Something to do? It was a Tuesday, so I wonder if either of them considered it an "A" date.
He's a good guy from what I can tell. He has a job and an income. He lives alone, drives a nice car and seems responsible. But he's another one who was burned by his last girlfriend. She cheated on him and he gave her the boot. After living in their old apartment alone, he just moved down a few floors to his own.
As an interesting side note, she's the second girl recently who split with guys I know. The bizarre part is that both guys weren't around when the girls moved out - and both girls took the bed. Both guys said the beds were theirs. As someone who was in that situation almost a year ago, our bed was the last thing I wanted to take with me. I wanted a new one - with with new bed karma and none of him.
My gut tells me people keep doing these "once and done" dates because they seem safe. They're short, sometimes very sweet and no one wants anything in return. And they don't have to lay their heart out there. They don't have to be vulnerable. Most jilted single people don't want to make a commitment beyond which side of the bed they'll sleep on. I'm not sure many of us can think that far into the future this soon after a big breakup.
And another commitment may mean another hurt. And no one wants another broken heart.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
"Week is ok," he texted back. "Had a date last night, other than that normal."
I had to respond. "So your date wasn't normal?"
"It was good," he said. "I took her home this morning, but I think it's just another once and done. Kinda getting tired of those."
That life keeps a single person busy but lonely. So why do people do it? Is it for companionship? Something to do? It was a Tuesday, so I wonder if either of them considered it an "A" date.
He's a good guy from what I can tell. He has a job and an income. He lives alone, drives a nice car and seems responsible. But he's another one who was burned by his last girlfriend. She cheated on him and he gave her the boot. After living in their old apartment alone, he just moved down a few floors to his own.
As an interesting side note, she's the second girl recently who split with guys I know. The bizarre part is that both guys weren't around when the girls moved out - and both girls took the bed. Both guys said the beds were theirs. As someone who was in that situation almost a year ago, our bed was the last thing I wanted to take with me. I wanted a new one - with with new bed karma and none of him.
My gut tells me people keep doing these "once and done" dates because they seem safe. They're short, sometimes very sweet and no one wants anything in return. And they don't have to lay their heart out there. They don't have to be vulnerable. Most jilted single people don't want to make a commitment beyond which side of the bed they'll sleep on. I'm not sure many of us can think that far into the future this soon after a big breakup.
And another commitment may mean another hurt. And no one wants another broken heart.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Frogs
She's met a few of them, so I fear it's the latter - including the one I describe as the new guy.
I know this is the stuff of fairy tales. But for many of us single girls, it's real life too. How many do we have to kiss to find the good ones? Our prince?
Okay, this is going to sound really bad. Here are some of my toads I've kissed since I've been single. There's the one who complained about everything and the one who didn't remember. He was too drunk. Then there was the one who put me in a headlock in the pub.
Now it's time to laugh with me. How could I know? None of these were worth it. Of course there are the couple of privacy guys. If they earn the right to kiss me, it's not going to be a secret. I won't kiss any of those toads again.
Most recently, new guy, who's on the rebound and extremely confused, fell asleep on me twice. While he was inside of me. Really? He had way too much to drink both times. A frog? Probably.
Don't get me wrong, they're not all frogs or toads. Some of the guys I've been out with are true princes. They're just someone else's and not mine.
I keep hoping after I chew up one of these sugary frogs, my prince will appear. So I'll keep nibbling on the frogs until I meet my prince.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Old ghosts
We all carry old memories - ghosts that still haunt us. One of my personal ghosts popped back up in my professional life. It's one that deals with trust and respect for one another.
My ex betrayed my confidence, disappointed and belittled me so many times that I'm hypersensitive whenever trust or respect are at stake.
Just before Christmas, a professional friend broke my confidence and then discounted my reaction. He said I was being dramatic. I asked him which particular part of "do not share this conversation" did he not understand. By repeating what I had told him, he stirred up a bunch of people unnecessarily and then told me I didn't handle it right.
I haven't spoken to him since.
He's tried calling and emailing but I can't even bring myself to listen to the voice mail. This isn't the first time he's been this way, but it's definitely the worst. He thinks he's a narcissist. I think he's right.
Rebuilding my ability to trust is hard. It's part of my healing process and something I need to tackle before I consider another relationship.
The most difficult part is knowing when to forgive and move forward and when it's better to cut people out of your life. Its most important to stay true to yourself.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
My ex betrayed my confidence, disappointed and belittled me so many times that I'm hypersensitive whenever trust or respect are at stake.
Just before Christmas, a professional friend broke my confidence and then discounted my reaction. He said I was being dramatic. I asked him which particular part of "do not share this conversation" did he not understand. By repeating what I had told him, he stirred up a bunch of people unnecessarily and then told me I didn't handle it right.
I haven't spoken to him since.
He's tried calling and emailing but I can't even bring myself to listen to the voice mail. This isn't the first time he's been this way, but it's definitely the worst. He thinks he's a narcissist. I think he's right.
Rebuilding my ability to trust is hard. It's part of my healing process and something I need to tackle before I consider another relationship.
The most difficult part is knowing when to forgive and move forward and when it's better to cut people out of your life. Its most important to stay true to yourself.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
Monday, February 18, 2013
Reaching 200
But most of all, it's a milestone for you. You regulars have stuck with the blog and new readers join every day. The goal us to laugh at my mistakes and learn from them. Hopefully you'll laugh - or cry - along with me and maybe avoid taking the same missteps. I'm sure you've had a few.
Sometimes the posts are rambling. Sometimes they're neurotic. All the time they're honest. Raw. True.
Thanks for listening, and you're always welcomed to share.
Love to the single girls,
Addison
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